Football parents - what’s more important to you?

[katiecustard2]

Attitude or ability? Ds is 14 and has been playing grassroots football for our local club for many years. We’ve seen lots of boys come and go as is the case but I would say ds has always been a committed and valuable member of the team. He is a good footballer and a good sportsman - respectful and courteous to the ref and opposition but not afraid to get stuck in.

However there a couple of his teammates who are very gifted ability wise but absolute little shits on the pitch. They swear, they put in questionable tackles, throw themselves on the floor and cry like babies over the smallest thing, they are abusive to the ref and think nothing of trying to injure others. Just this weekend I’ve seen one of them hurt a member of the opposition quite badly (he needed to be helped off the pitch) and our player was smirking about it. The parents are as bad, never admit any wrongdoing and encourage their kids in this behaviour. Because football is such a big deal to them they often miss training sessions because they play for multiple teams and have clashes.

However they always get loads of game time at the expense of my son and some of the other regulars, and the coaches never admonish their attitude presumably because they are the better players and win games for us. I’m honestly sick of it. I know at this age it is a competitive sport but if you were a coach would you let this sort of thing go even though it gives the team as a whole a poor image? Or would you accept it’s just life when it comes to grassroots?

If these kids are so great, they’ll be moving off somewhere else hopefully - but your coach isn’t developing the team. He/she is pandering to their own ego.

We have played against teams like this and honestly, it’s the best kind of football and the fact that they can play well without the tantrums, attitudes and unnecessary aggression speaks volumes. They do well without any of that.

Up until last season I would have said our team was like that. You might have had one or two gobbing off but overall it was a decent, respectful team. It’s amazing how a couple of new kids can change the whole dynamic and reputation of a team.

Yes but presumably these are not future pros - if they were then they would have been scouted years ago and now be training with the Man City development squad or whatever.

I find this really shocking. My kids are not footballers any more (both played when in primary school but their talents lie elsewhere). Dd is a national champion and on the Team GB pathway for her sport so there genuinely is a chance of fame and fortune. However, attitude and behaviour is a huge part of her agreement with Team GB and we know of people who have been cut due to poor behaviour. (Far less poor than you are describing.)

When it comes down to it the top coaches don’t want a load of prima donnas who think that they are amazing. They want talented kids who are coachable into Olympic champions.

This is why my best friends son who is a talented sportsman now focuses on cricket and dropped football

This is true. I’ve been at games where scouts have crossed names off lists when they’re seen bad attitude. In grassroots it’s seems like anything goes at some clubs.

Thing is kids are getting scouted earlier and earlier now. Round here it’s not unusual for kids in reception (5 year old) to be having intense 1:1 coaching as parents feel if they’ve not been hoovered up by Man City academy system by under-7s they’ve got no chance of making it. It’s not true, there’s other routes in, but you have 5/6/7 year olds being intensively coached and encouraged to be very physical, very vocal, very confident.

Speak to the coach. Explain your concerns, and how you think the ethos of the team has changed. If the coach doesn’t take action, then move teams. I wouldn’t be surprised if other parents, and also players aren’t happy either.

Who wants to play with a bunch of dickeads even if they do have talent. It's a game. It's supposed to be fun and winning is nice.

None of them are playing for a career at that age. That ship sailed years ago 🤷‍♀️

DS2 did football for a few years, but fortunately his interest in other (solo) sports won. There's much more camaraderie in running. It's you against the clock, not really against other people.

Have done more than my fair share of standing at the side of a pitch. One of my kids has done the refereeing course and is an under 18 ref. My youngest plays for a girls team in a boys league.

The vast majority of parents are fine. There’s a small minority who behave digustingly. Toxic, foul language, encouraging physicality that’s bordering on injuring another child. Yes, child.

These kids are not going to be premiership footballers, but I’ve seen parents take it so seriously it’s nearly descended into fights in the car park.

they need to get a fucking life and see that we’re all there for so our kids get some fresh air and exercise and enjoy being with their mates.

my daughters team were 9-1 down today and some prick was quite literally screaming his head off at his son. Calm down and go and find another outlet for your frustration. They’re 10 year old and the goalies in tears.

can you tell I’ve had enough of ‘that’s just the game’

Unfortunately some parents think their kid is the next Ronaldo despite all evidence to the contrary. If they are being abusive to the ref has this been reported to the league, have the club been fined? That might have an impact. The club should have a behaviour policy / code of conduct kids and parents sign up to and they should be enforcing it. I agree with the poster who said to have a quiet word with the coach but be prepared to move him. Unfortunately dropping down to a 'lower ability' team doesn't necessarily help, it's more about finding a coach and group of parents that think football should be enjoyable and who are more interested in kids developing rather than winning. They do exist, although definitely harder to find as you move up the age groups. Only definite way to make it happen is to run the team yourself.

I can't stand good players with bad attitudes whose parents and coaches don't pull them up on it. Ds (also 14) has played for a couple of teams with a few players like this. He's a good player but has dropped down a league and found a lovely team of boys, and their parents, who support and encourage one another and a coach with an incredibly positive coaching style. The ethos of the club is about respect and endeavour, which really suits ds's values. The club has two teams, one of which is in a higher league. Ds is one of the best players in the lower placed side, which is essentially a feeder team for the higher one. He's already said though that the team is so together and friendly, that he doesn't want to transfer up. He's played at that level and struggled with the attitides of some players, many coaches and parents. Kids' football can be absolutely brutal.

I think it's about finding the right club and coach, you find some teams are all about winning at all costs, others are more about the taking part.