To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

[JTT95]

I think it is messed up that these days a lot of women have to go back to work after maternity leave whether they like it or not. It seems like everyone is sending their babies to nursery at 1 or even earlier. I know that some women want to and are happy to go back but there are many women who are heartbroken to leave their babies so young. I wish it was like the olden days where a man’s wage was enough to suport the whole family.

So what if the woman has 4 children each 5 years apart the tax payer should just pay them to stay home for 20 years.

To be sad that women of today are working for pay as mothers have always done with only the tiniest, very privileged minority staying home without working for pay.

Fixed your question for you.

Your grandmother’s DH sounds lovely. There’s always been good and bad DHs around. Just because your great grandfather was abusive, it doesn’t mean that was the norm. My great grandfathers were certainly not like that.

Many men appreciate if their partner takes care of the children and house. This can be a very efficient set up, with one partner focusing on building up their career while the other takes care of the home and family. It can be a win win situation for both!

It’s based on the economic principle of ‘division of labour’

Your grandmother’s DH sounds lovely. There’s always been good and bad DHs around. Just because your great grandfather was abusive, it doesn’t mean that was the norm. My great grandfathers were certainly not like that

??? The point is not abuse. The point is, you are not understanding that, overall, only a proportion of women were actually free to stay home and actually look after their kids themselves and enjoy being with them. I think the confusion lies in that the vast majority of women didn’t hold ‘wage’ jobs, it was pin money cash for tasks, unlike with men. Also, there were no nurseries to pop their kids in, but they did leave them with neighbours or their older children so they could earn necessary money. However, they were not at home looking after their kids in the way you are making out was the norm. Again, it’s no different to today where the majority of women need to leave their kids in care to earn money for the family to keep heads above water. Just like there were some women back then in more fortunate circumstances that didn’t have to do this, there are those women now, but fundamentally there is no real change.

Let's face it, by 'one partner taking care of the home' you mean the woman don't you?

The problem with this 'division of labour' is that only one partner is financially rewarded. That makes the other partner, invariably a woman, entirely dependent on him. It also means the woman will have little to fall back on once the children are grown and no longer need her.

There's a reason women rejected this 'division of labour'. Many reason.

So why can't the man stay home and the woman go and use her skills and bring money in?

Maybe we should stop girls doing math, science, English etc. at school and teach lessons on how to bag a husband, how to darn socks, how to clean etc.

Maybe we should start teaching daughters how to keep a man happy?

As the years go on i feel the world is going backwards

So women shouldn’t have a career ? It’s not the 1950’s!

If they want to, the should. If they don’t want to and are happy with the above set up at home then no, they shouldn’t feel pressured to have a career. Or like myself, they could have a career for some years, take a break to raise children and then go back to it if they wish to. Everyone should be able to do what makes them happy.

Yes, obviously if only one partner earns a salary then the other is dependant on them. That’s why it’s important to choose your partner carefully and, importantly, have the education and skills necessary to succeed on your own if needed. Ideally, both partners should spend time building up their careers before one of them choosing to give theirs up for the benefit of the family

Of course they can! I know many mothers who built up their careers in their 20s and early 30s, earning large salaries and traveling the world on business trips. When they chose to have children, their priorities changed! It’s not that hard to understand, is it??

What a ridiculous conclusion….

Sorry not RTFT but we live in a very different world. Women AND men can look after the whole family in many facets

Interesting replies to this post. I think the original thought process was around women having to go back to work (insinuating that some aren’t really interested in doing this and would rather raise their children at home). Surely everyone can see that would be sad, lots of other things are sad in the world but the OP was just raising this particular example. Lots of women seem to find that offensive for some reason. Ironically they then reference women’s rights but then instantly say that unless
you are doing paid work then it has no importance or respectful purpose. …seems very un-feminist in its nature.

I feel that women are often sold the dream of ‘doing it all’ it’s a feminist trope thrown around. Often women have to work a hell of a lot harder to still end up burdened with more work than their male counterparts. The job, the cleaning, mental loads of birthdays Christmas anniversaries etc etc, shopping, school picks ups and drop offs, clubs…the list is endless. It’s not the 1950’s to admit or genuinely enjoy being a SAHM, to simplify and slow down. For instance, my husband didn’t ask me to give up my career / hopes and dreams, but equally when I said that I found more purpose in being with our children and in the home, he understood and supports that for our family. He wouldn’t expect me to work full time and also do everything else and be super stressed out. I rarely see families (obviously there are some!) whereby the man and woman do a clear 50 50.

@BananaPeels I understand, but can equally understand how a partner may feel it is unfair if what was agreed is then reneged upon.

Yeah, but you don't mean 'one partner' do you?

You mean the woman should give up her financial independence, waste her education and have no life outside the home in order to make herself and her children completely dependent on a man.

Don't you?

wonder why father’s priorities don’t change?

It’s not a waste to use your education to raise educated children. It’s also not a waste to take a break from your career or give it up once children arrive. Education is always a good thing.

Nice try but no.

It's the job of schools to educate children. Not the parents. And the type of education which goes into a career, expensively obtained over years, is unlikely to be directly relevant to children. So yes, that education will be wasted if you choose to give up your job. And it's always women, isn't it? You don't see men desperate to give up a role outside the home and make themselves completely dependent on a woman.

You often hear people on this board complain about how employers are reluctant to take on women of child bearing age, but reading some of the posts here, I think I'd be reluctant too.

Is education wasted if a person hasn’t got a paying job? Your education and experiences make you, well, you. I have GCSe’s in subjects I haven’t looked at in 25 years. Was it pointless me doing them then or did it give me all round knowledge to make me the person I am today regardless of what I am earning?

should rich people who never need to work a day in their life bother to go to school?

If the education is relevant to the job, and you choose to give up the job then yes it is wasted.

Ok, that’s your opinion. I think my kids appreciate and benefit from having an educated mother. I paid for my house with the money I made prior to having children as well so no, my education is definitely not wasted just because my career has been cut short.

I went back for my sanity. Very glad to have a thriving career now dd is about to leave home.

If all you gained from your education is only relevant to the specific tasks you do at work and nothing else then I would say you’ve had crap education.