17 year old not cooking causes conflict

[Nickibobmoonshine]

Hi, my first time of posting on here. Just need some advice, I've had some from friends but thought I would ask here ☺️ just had a big argument with my bf of 4 years, he always seems to have an issue with how I treat my kids and I have three, 15 year old, 17 year old and 21 year old.
Now my youngest and eldest cook a lot of their own meals but my 17 is slightly autistic and a lazy moo so I cook for him, very basic food, which he could do for himself, but I really don't mind doing it and quite enjoy it since it's only really chicken in the air fryer or something because he doesn't eat healthy good meals and only beige food. My bf believes he should cook everything for himself because when he leaves home he won't be able to do it, but I know he can and I really don't mind. So he said to me 'normal parents ' would get their 17 year old to cook, so I hit the roof since my kids are very good and I've never had trouble from them and they support me. Please let me know AIBU?

I cooked all the meals for all DC and DH every day. There is no SEN involved....I also worked full time. I am a good cook and it was easier to cook for 5 than everyone do their own.
If they didn't want what was on offer they could go out or get something else.
Once a week someone else would cook but there was no pressure to do so.
DC have all been to uni and left now and guess what....they are all really good cooks!
So your BF is being silly. They are your children - you do as you see fit.

It's none of your boyfriend's business.

A 17 year old should be able to cook but in many families (I'd like to say most) a parent cooks the evening meal and everyone who's home at that time sits down together, with a potion set aside for whoever is out during the mealtime.

My kids are broadly similar ages to yours and they can all cook, but I wouldn't want everyone cooking for themselves separately as it's be e hugely inefficient in terms of food waste and energy costs as well as ingredients being in chaos unless everyone also did all their own food shopping and we lived like student housemates instead of as a family.

Your BF can sod off. My AuDHD DD16 struggles with this too but will help herself to lunch and cereal etc. ND kids mature later, he will get there.

At 15 years old I was reheating meals left by my mum when she worked on shifts, but if we were all at home, I wasn't expected to cook one from scratch. I did start doing it more when I was 16 or 17 but it wasn't every day.

Unless you plan to live with your 17 year old forever and do not mind. However, why slight autism as you put it is now used for every type of excuses. Teach the kid to cook and not to be lazy and use excuses.

Exactly this. Your dp can shut up, but tbh, he’s got a valid point. You’re teaching your almost grown up ds that everything will be given to him.

That's really rude and nasty. Nothing the OP has said indicates her child is a spoilt brat.

As soon as I read your thread title I knew there would be a step parent involved. This type of shit just doesn’t happen without interfering step parents.

Can you do a mix? Sometimes the adults cook for everyone and sometimes the teens do it?

Firstly, it’s not very cost effective for several people each to be cooking their own meals.

My dc didn’t routinely cook their meals at 17. I cooked them all. However, during school holidays , I’d get them cook, and during the long summer break, choose what to cook as well. Sounds like you’ve got good kids, so be proud of that.

He does clean his room and cleans up after our rabbit and does some washing up so he's not totally lazy, but just when it comes to food for some reason, but as I said it's just usually easy food and it's only when I ask him, he rarely asks me to do it and even then my partner is usually working so he doesn't see what I do.

He hasn't been diagnosed autistic but I'm sure he is which is why I put slightly autistic.

But thank you for your replies. We have more issues than that and currently since yesterday have not spoken and I've asked him to move out, if he can't support me but just nag then I don't need someone like that in my life.

Thank you. I just ignored it, wasn't helpful.

He's not totally lazy, I've posted something that says what he does do, but for some reason just food! But I was always cooked for at home and I'm ok I think lol. But it was just difficult getting him to understand that I have no issues with doing it but I know he should do some and he did before we changed air fryer 🤣 thank you

Tell him to fuck off!

I presume you mean the dp.

And more importantly, your children dont need someone like that in their lives. They gain nothing from living with this man. Dont back down.

and soeak to your gp to start diagnosis for asd

Well done on asking him to move out. As you say, if he doesn't support you and only criticises then he's not bringing anything positive to your life, and it certainly sounds as though your children will be happier without him living in their home.

4 years we have been together and yes he's in the family home and gets in great with the kids but this suddenly came out of nowhere

I’d keep cooking for my 17 year old.

The boyfriend can shove his opinions. He’s not the father of the children so I wouldn’t give a fuck what he had to say. It’s absolutely none of his business.

He sounds very good for a teenager! He doesn’t sound lazy at all.

Absolutely!!!

I still cook most of the meals DH cooks Friday and Saturday and mine are in their 20s we eat at the same time every day 6pm. If they are working late I will cook something that can be reheated or not eating they will let me know. They can cook but I don't expect them to at all.

why is everyone cooking their own meals? This is batshit, your food shop must be through the roof.

as your “boyfriend” hes overbearing & controlling.

edit: well done on kicking him out. 👏

Good for you. You don’t need someone like that, upsetting the equilibrium. I’m a single mum (kids now grown) and no way would I be letting someone else tell me how to run my family! If I want to cook for my kids no one is going to be telling me I can’t.

My mum cooked all mine and my sisters meals until we left home. There was one meal only though. She wouldn't have faffed around cooking different things for different people. And honestly? It wouldn't have occurred to us to ask.