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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

536 replies

WatermelonWaveclub · 13/09/2025 18:54

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 06:09

Gallopingfanjo · 14/09/2025 08:41

Really, my DD17 loves holidays, not occurred to her not to come. We are going away next year and she’ll be nearly 18, but surprise she’s coming. Not every family has kids that don’t spend time with them.

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Not just us then?! Good to hear. They were all happy last year and not little then either. Unfortunately having analysed this the last couple of days and having chats, I think my 18yo is struggling a bit and it is having a knock on effect. He certainly wants to be with us on holiday, though.

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 06:13

MightyGoldBear · 14/09/2025 08:41

As a teen the holidays I was more present for was the ones I also got a say in what we did where we went or at least had one day with an activity i liked. I also did need more sleep and chill time. So there had to be compromise.

The holidays I felt actually quite low on were the ones where every last minute was planned by someone else and they had high expectations of how grateful I should be yet never asked me what I wanted to do. I remember one year doing a big extended family holiday being on my very heavy unexpected period and made to feel really bad for not getting up at 7am being ready to go for miles long walks everyday around Devon. Really I needed some understanding that I'd need to be able to rest and be near toilets.

It can be awful for teenagers you're close to being an adult but still treated like a child and absolutely will have moments of being a child. I remember just feeling sad I was on holiday but unable to experience it in the way or with the freedom I wanted.

I wouldn't take their phones away but I would talk to them and ask them what they wanted to do and how they wanted to spend the holiday. If plans don't align do things separately and lower expectations. Take the pressure off. Ofcourse they don't appreciate the time and money but then given the chance would they of spent thousands of their own money going to florida probably not.

I'd perhaps explain this might be the last family holiday all together as they are getting older what memories do you all want to take from it? You are only in charge of your own memories op if that means you have great memories of going out with the youngest in the day and a few memories of later nights with the older ones maybe exploring some night life or something they are interested in,(maybe get them to research a place to eat that does something interesting or gimmicky/eating challenge). I don't think anyone wants memories of banning phones resentment and arguments.

I think it's hard to accept that dissapointment that holidays aren't always what we imagine in out head and we have to just enjoy what we can.

I agree that sounds an awful holiday. I guess I've always included them in planning holidays. Wouldn't occur to me to plan it all myself for a family holiday, tbh!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 06:15

whatohwhattodo · 14/09/2025 08:43

I took my youngest to Paris for 2 nights last year - her choice. We did a mix of EuroDisney and Paris itself.

i didn’t book any museums - this was a trip tailored purely to her interests. I am a rush around do loads of stuff person on holiday so I specifically avoided this.

she had a lovely time but I realised that she doesn’t want to do a lot of stuff and needs a lot of downtime. We did a few rides at Disney and lots of wandering but she didn’t want to queue for everyone to fit them all in.

Same with Paris itself - we saw the Eiffel Tower and we looked round a few shops and had a nice dinner. That was enough for her.

In my mind I felt we were missing out by not doing more but she was happy.

Sounds lovely. We like to take things slowly too - works better for us.

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 06:23

MightyGoldBear · 14/09/2025 08:59

I've just seen your updates op. Have you ever listened to parenting hell? There's an episode where Rob beckett discusses how his trip to florida went with young children (so slightly different but overall maybe not) Romesh Ranganathan has recently been with older teens im sure he also discusses it on his podcast the owl and the wolf.
They both sounded utterly drained and exhausted. I'm not sure I'd say it's a holiday more of jam packed high pressured itinerary That you need a good month at least to feel like you've done it justice. Maybe just cut everyone some slack including yourself. Perhaps have the attitude that whatever you get done in the most enjoyable way is a win. Be open and vunerable with them they might surprise you and say yeah it's been different to how we thought it would be we are knackered too. They may well be using phones as some regulation and some down time. I imagine it's a very overstimulating holiday.

I think you're doing the best you can op from your updates.

It definitely is very over stimulating! It is a much busier holiday than we are used to. Compared to what you hear most people doing we are doing much less - but I've realised it was still too much for us! Lesson learnt. I think we all got a bit carried away with all the fun options! Our last bit of the holiday is at the beach which will be much more relaxed!

OP posts:
Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 06:28

It’s 1.30am in Florida Op.

Have a break from screen and go to 😴!

Gallopingfanjo · 16/09/2025 07:33

WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 05:48

I find this bizarre- of course he is paying it. He's 18 - why wouldn't he? Do you pay your adult children's bills? Does your mum pay yours??

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Well he could be at uni or college. Why then are you paying his holiday bill… ? See how my logic went?

PinkyFlamingo · 16/09/2025 07:39

I can't believe people are still going on about them missing school!! It's not difficult to read just the OPs posts

Ace56 · 16/09/2025 07:47

Vaguelyclassical · 13/09/2025 19:05

Why Florida? The older teens are obviously far too old for Disney and it's a rather flat state with some everglades full of nasty biting things; there are also rather a lot of people in unbecoming red baseball caps. Great beaches, but you didn't need to come to the States for those. (Or to swim in a hotel pool.) You might have done better with a buzzy, interesting city in the US. Or a buzzy interesting city in Europe at a third of the cost. Sorry if I sound snarky, but I'm genuinely interested in the logic here. (But I do sympathize with you--I grew up in genteel poverty and I'd have been down on my knees in gratitude if my own parents took me out of the country!)

It’s not just Disneyland - there’s literally ALL the theme parks there. Haven’t you heard of Universal Studios, Harry Potter World, SeaWorld, Busch Gardens etc? If the kids are into rides and theme parks in general, it’s a great place to go with teens.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 16/09/2025 07:48

WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 05:48

I find this bizarre- of course he is paying it. He's 18 - why wouldn't he? Do you pay your adult children's bills? Does your mum pay yours??

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But you are paying for the 18 year old’s holiday?

Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 07:53

of course he is paying for it

You said he’s “at college and starting an apprenticeship”.

You made no mention of him having a job OP

so there was no “of course” about it.

Gallopingfanjo · 16/09/2025 08:06

WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 05:48

I find this bizarre- of course he is paying it. He's 18 - why wouldn't he? Do you pay your adult children's bills? Does your mum pay yours??

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Ironically I do pay my mums 😂

Wellretired · 16/09/2025 08:37

Some really mean posts on this thread. I hope the beach goes well, OP.

Holidaytimeyay · 16/09/2025 08:49

WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 06:23

It definitely is very over stimulating! It is a much busier holiday than we are used to. Compared to what you hear most people doing we are doing much less - but I've realised it was still too much for us! Lesson learnt. I think we all got a bit carried away with all the fun options! Our last bit of the holiday is at the beach which will be much more relaxed!

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You sound like a lovely mum and a very close family. It sounds like you are sorting things out.

I have children who are ND as well and Florida actually made one of my children’s difficulties very clear, they couldn’t mask any more and were put on the w/l for diagnosis when they came home. The activities can be very intense for them along with the heat and the crowds etc.
We are also a very close family who like to holiday together and spend time together. I know it’s not for everyone, and it seems unusual on Mumsnet, but there are some families who continue to enjoy holidays together even with older children. I have a friend in her 50’s who still holidays with all their family and their children every year.
Have a lovely time for what is left of your holiday and a good flight home.

FunBiscuit · 16/09/2025 08:57

WatermelonWaveclub · 15/09/2025 04:42

Yes it was the 18yos choice. They had the main say over activities but chose things the others would enjoy too. And yes they can but once activities are chosen, booked and paid for I feel it is a waste to then not use those tickets.

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You are the boss if the tickets are paid for everyone should be up showered and off they are lucky they are not in basic training in the army then they would wake up and see the real world

Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 08:57

FunBiscuit · 16/09/2025 08:57

You are the boss if the tickets are paid for everyone should be up showered and off they are lucky they are not in basic training in the army then they would wake up and see the real world

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😆

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 11:52

zingally · 14/09/2025 13:14

Is this a Disney holiday? Surely a bit young for all the kids? I think it's one of those places that's fun when you're 7, and then fun again when you're 37, and pretty tiresome/cringy in the middle.

A part of it is Disney. But they just like what they like, they don't care if it is 'cringy'. I took them to Disney when they were little too and really enjoyed it though I was well under 37!

OP posts:
Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 11:53

But they just like what they like

but isn’t this thread about them seemingly unenthused about it?

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 12:01

JJMama · 14/09/2025 18:30

This. Perhaps they’re concerned about their education!

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Secretly doing schoolwork on their phones? 😂

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Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 12:03

Where did the 16 year old suddenly pop up from?

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 12:11

Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 12:03

Where did the 16 year old suddenly pop up from?

From the first post?

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 12:12

NoisyPanda · 14/09/2025 18:52

I don´t understand parents that say they cannot take a phone away if their kids are adults (barely eighteen). Unless they are paying for their phone and it´s under their name, it´s mine to do as I see fit. And as long as they are living under my roof, it´s my rules.

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And I don't understand parents who wouldn't expect their 18yo to pay for their own phone.

OP posts:
Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 12:13

WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 12:12

And I don't understand parents who wouldn't expect their 18yo to pay for their own phone.

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Doesn’t that depend on them working? Of which many don’t.

BananaPeels · 16/09/2025 12:15

WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 12:12

And I don't understand parents who wouldn't expect their 18yo to pay for their own phone.

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I will be paying for my kids phones until they have finished university and have a job. I’d say that’s pretty normal.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 12:19

PistachioTiramisu · 14/09/2025 19:01

Are you located near the dreadful Disney or somewhere more interesting? Could you possibly do a road trip down the Keys to Key West - it is a fascinating, interesting and gorgeous drive. Even the kids might like it!

We are near Disney now which we have all found interesting but have done plenty of other things. We go to Clearwater next.

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 16/09/2025 12:23

GiveDogBone · 14/09/2025 19:09

It’s hardly surprising your children behave like this. By taking them out of school for a holiday (and for this moaning at the people pointing this out, it is entirely relevant) you’ve shown them rules don’t matter, so they’ve of course feel free to ignore yours. And by not enforcing screen time, you are harming their mental health and encouraging them ignore everything outside their 6 inch screen. Terrible parenting.

I haven't taken them out of school so have done no such thing!

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