How Many Children Would You Have...

[OtherS]

If you had no worries about space, money, negative impact on career, social life etc? A lot of people seem to suggest that the collapsing birth rate is down to financial worries etc, but I'm wondering whether it's at least as much to do with women not actually wanting huge numbers of children. We used to have 6, 7 or more very regularly of course, but we didn't have much choice back then. Now we have contraception and less societal / marital pressure to have kids, is the reason for low birth rates more to do with woman's choice than concern about the impact of a large family?

AIBU - It's all about money; if I could afford to have 14 kids, keep my job, figure and lifestyle, I'd be all in
YANBU - Even with all the wealth - and nannies - in the world, 1 or 2 would definitely be more than enough for me, thanks.

I would have four. I'd be fine picking names for boys (there aren't many that I like!), but I'd struggle to limit myself with girls' names, as there are so many nice ones!

One. I dont understand the obsession with siblings

I have 2, I’m very lucky to have 2. I would have loved to have 3. I had 4 losses in between my first and second and after our rainbow baby finally arrived I knew I couldn’t go through that again so didn’t and will never try again. But yea, it money/health/career not an issue 3 would’ve been lovely!

0 or 4.

Choice driven by health, rather than money 👀

I have 2, but money no object, would have loved 4.

4 probably, but health and finances preclude it. So we have two.

I always wanted 4, that was before I actually had any.

Age/ life circumstances/ fertility issues meant I had only 1.

I’d have liked 2 probably, but have learned enough from my one to know that that would probably have been my limit.

I'd would have liked 3 really, and we did consider it when dc were younger, but I need to work, it would have meant a change in alot of things and our current 2 going with less. If money, space and energy weren't an issue we would have liked 3. We have a 4 bed house but one room is dhs office, and it would have been a struggle to afford a 5 bed where we are. As a family of 4, we get to do lots of nice holidays, and live a comfortable life, which wouldn't be possible with a 3rd.

I suppose the next question is what exactly would be needed to let women have as many children as they want. Would you have been happy having four and continuing to work, again presuming you could access unlimited help with childcare, homework, life admin etc. Or would everyone in a world where they could have as many as they want be envisioning giving up work? What would a world look like where women have the families they choose for themselves, where they also continue to have equal rights and ability to build a career, and not have any children at all if they so wish.

Would it look like a conservative trad-wife society, though hopefully with more respect shown to women than is necessarily the case. Or would it have happy, busy career women handing their smiling children over to nannies whilst someone else cleans their home, does their shopping etc. Or a world where women can access flexible working and career breaks until their children go to school, where they are still being paid a full wage, and where their absence doesn't derail their career. And possibly men too can and do take time off to do half of the childrearing.

Or is it just not at all possible even in wild fantasy, and the only way to ensure births reach population replacement rates is to return societal power to men, and return women to basically just breeders.

(Not asking you to answer, just idly musing!)

1. I used to think I'd have at least 3 or 4 kids, but I can't imagine myself with any more than one child now, even if money were no object. We love being "one and done".

Plus, DD is 11 and gaining independence. Some of my friends are starting families now (30/31) and I just can't imagine starting over again.

I have 3 and would love one more. My 3rd is much younger than my older 2 (different father) and I’d like for her to have a sibling her age to grow up with like my older 2 had/have with each other. But I’m nearly 40 so not likely, there are more medical risks and issues to consider as an older parent and we just don’t have the space/money/energy.

😂 Exactly the same! Could have 25 girls and not run out of names, struggle to name 1 boy really!

I wanted a full dining table with my children all around it especially for Christmas and got it. I have four children and concern over career hasn't had any bearing on my choices. We have been able to afford it as we do not have a mortgage. I did have a career many years ago but willingly chose to be a SAHM to have them all. 17 years and counting. I am also an OU student and carving out time for myself as they're all getting older now.

I’d have 3-4
money is of course a reason. But it’s mainly age, I’m too old to have that many, and I’d like a decent gap between each. If I could change something it would be having my first at 28, then I may have gone on to have 3. But alas, so many of us don’t get to choose when we have our first (if we’re lucky enough to have them at all)

I have two and would have had one more if I had more resources - we could afford 3 but we don’t have family nearby so the logistics of drop offs/sick children are all on us. I’d pay for more support/a nanny.

I have 2 and wanted 3 but DH said no! And our 3rd baby became a dog!
I have a DS and a DD but if both had been DS would have pushed harder for a third

I would have had 1 more to round up to 4

I’d have loved 4 but I’m not sure I need to be helped to have 4! Why?! 2 works for us and is fine

if I win the lottery though…

I've got 2. Door is open for a third but we will very likely never walk through it. For me, the reasons are sleep and illness. I can't go through the lack of sleep again if I get another bad sleeper (like my second). I always said if someone dropped off a 2.5 year old, sleeping through the night with all their teeth, I'd have three.

Dh's reasons are financial.

I had 3 (with big age gaps as I started young). I’d have maybe had one more if money was no object etc, or may have stuck with 3 as I had 2 x DS, then 1 DD.

I have two but I'd have loved three. It was money definitely that stopped the third. I suppose we could now but I don't want to at 40. Partly as I feel too old and unfit now but I also don't want to go back into all the sleepless nights, relentlessness of it all etc. So it was money bit also I suppose I ust don't want to.

I wish I’d had 5

too many reasons why I didn’t

I’m glad I am not rich because I am impulsive and would probably keep going just for a laugh if I didn’t have to work outside of the home and we had more bedrooms.

Men are part of the issue for me aswell women have made strides in their careers and challenged stereotypes but men are still clinging onto the characteristics of 'providing' and not many actually want kids if the domestic and mental load of a Home is split. The only reason men say they want kids a lot of the time is because they know their partner will do the bulk of looking after the Home and the kids.

I'm in my 20s and honestly I don't know if I will have kids because most men I date and interactive don't seem to want an equal relationship in terms of parenting and is getting worse with the rise of glorifying trad wives incel culture and misogyny perpetuated by the life of Andrew Tate. When I date older men they are jealous of my success so dating younger or older it doesn't have results for me.

if parenting was more equal, I probably still would only have two just because as a black woman, I'm more likely to die in childbirth and I don't want to risk that multiple times.

I have 2. If I was younger and richer, I would have had 3, possibly 4.