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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Finished a friendship with a middle aged male friend who aggressively complained about his luxurious life

126 replies

Nicewoman · 12/09/2025 22:54

I finished a 15-year friendship with a male friend (I’ll call him Mr Mediocre) who aggressively complained for the past year about his luxurious life: £1.5m house, wife on £100k, he was in and out of work but bitterly complaining about it, how he thought he should be in a mega paid job and do short hours. He was thick as s and lazy. All his family are healthy, no money worries. I tried to explain that everyone’s situation is 10x times worse than him, do charity work etc, appreciate his life, be grateful for small mercies, but the ungrateful conceited toe-rag just couldn’t get past his extreme conceit & self-obsession. He’s just pathologically greedy. He admitted he had no friends & people avoided him. After I blocked him he tried to text me to have the last word and turned nasty I was ending the friendship. He was just making my blood boil. Now I’ve terminated the friendship I feel 1000x better, but think I wasted a lot of time on a man who I only realised was a total arsehole late in the day. Hope other readers learn from me and as soon as there is red flags, get out immediately & not let things drift on or give people the benefit of the doubt. Some people out there just aren’t nice people, but do a good job of hiding it (for a while, before the mask slips). Incidentally, I have a feeling his wife will hand him divorce papers once his teenage kids leave home & his wealthy parents pop their clogs. Then he’ll be one of those bitter old men living alone, that his own family avoids.

OP posts:
Sportsdaywinner · 13/09/2025 00:14

I think it's good you finally realised what an arse he was and got rid. Life is too short to waste time with people like that

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 00:19

I find it hard to believe you were any sort of friend after reading that hate filled bile.

Very strange post to be honest.

LittleGreenDragons · 13/09/2025 00:23

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 00:19

I find it hard to believe you were any sort of friend after reading that hate filled bile.

Very strange post to be honest.

I agree with you. It was awful to read.

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 00:24

Are you in the habit of conducting 15 year friendships with people you think are ‘thick as shit’ and ‘conceited toe rags ’?

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 00:32

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 00:24

Are you in the habit of conducting 15 year friendships with people you think are ‘thick as shit’ and ‘conceited toe rags ’?

Actually I've just read another of the OP's threads and it looks like she is.

Either that or she has terrible luck with male friends.

GarlicPint · 13/09/2025 00:35

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 00:24

Are you in the habit of conducting 15 year friendships with people you think are ‘thick as shit’ and ‘conceited toe rags ’?

This was my only question, too 😂 15 years is a long time to put up with a bitter whiner of any kind, let alone a thick, over-privileged one!

I don't blame OP for wanting to let rip on here. It's similar to what we do when a partnership or marriage ends: you suddenly see the full picture in all its rank, miserable tedium.

Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:16

Sportsdaywinner · 13/09/2025 00:14

I think it's good you finally realised what an arse he was and got rid. Life is too short to waste time with people like that

Indeed. It’s that quote “if someone shows you what they’re about, believe them” - as several things he told me I just assumed he was joking or was having a bad day. Now I realise he was a total arse from day one, just was too busy with my life until all the jigsaw pieces came together.

OP posts:
Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:18

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 00:24

Are you in the habit of conducting 15 year friendships with people you think are ‘thick as shit’ and ‘conceited toe rags ’?

I was busy with my life and sometimes weeks and months went by when I didn’t hear from him. He usually contacted me when he wanted favours.

OP posts:
Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:23

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 00:24

Are you in the habit of conducting 15 year friendships with people you think are ‘thick as shit’ and ‘conceited toe rags ’?

Fair point. He just got worse over time and I ignored red flags at some point as I was too busy with my life and put him on the back burner. Until it got to a stage where I just absolutely had enough as he was incessantly complaining about his lot.

OP posts:
IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 13/09/2025 01:24

He sounds like an entitled pain in the arse.
You did well to block him.

Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:25

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 00:24

Are you in the habit of conducting 15 year friendships with people you think are ‘thick as shit’ and ‘conceited toe rags ’?

No, but he covered up his personality in the early days and appeared normal. Only the last year he revealed his true colours. And I don’t put up with nonsense, so that was that.

OP posts:
Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:28

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 00:32

Actually I've just read another of the OP's threads and it looks like she is.

Either that or she has terrible luck with male friends.

Terrible luck. But I also have very nice friends that are wonderful :-)

OP posts:
Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:30

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 00:19

I find it hard to believe you were any sort of friend after reading that hate filled bile.

Very strange post to be honest.

I got him a job actually through a contact of mine.

OP posts:
Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:34

GarlicPint · 13/09/2025 00:35

This was my only question, too 😂 15 years is a long time to put up with a bitter whiner of any kind, let alone a thick, over-privileged one!

I don't blame OP for wanting to let rip on here. It's similar to what we do when a partnership or marriage ends: you suddenly see the full picture in all its rank, miserable tedium.

Exactly. Well, I was busy with my own life and there was months (and a few years) when I didn’t hear from him. Over time he used to come out with stuff that’s not what I look for in a friend and so it was just choosing the moment to bring down the axe.

OP posts:
Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:38

Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:34

Exactly. Well, I was busy with my own life and there was months (and a few years) when I didn’t hear from him. Over time he used to come out with stuff that’s not what I look for in a friend and so it was just choosing the moment to bring down the axe.

You are 100% Garlic, when I was telling him stop complaining you’ve got it so good, it was him just wallowing in self-pity, self-obsessed, slagging off his family and chronic moaning how unfair life was to him, when he had everything. He just would not be told. At that point, I thought my patience had run out and that was that. I can understand why there’s a 50% divorce rate in this country. I get the sense his wife is holding out for the payday, then giving him an ultimatum.

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 13/09/2025 01:42

Sounds more like an acquaintance than a friend.

Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:43

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 13/09/2025 01:24

He sounds like an entitled pain in the arse.
You did well to block him.

Yep. Had enough. Blocked him. Should have done it years ago. Feel happy and content now.

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 13/09/2025 01:52

YANBU @Nicewoman.

I've recently ended a friendship with a male friend for the same sort of thing.

His total lack of awareness.🤦‍♀️

Daygloboo · 13/09/2025 01:57

Nicewoman · 12/09/2025 22:54

I finished a 15-year friendship with a male friend (I’ll call him Mr Mediocre) who aggressively complained for the past year about his luxurious life: £1.5m house, wife on £100k, he was in and out of work but bitterly complaining about it, how he thought he should be in a mega paid job and do short hours. He was thick as s and lazy. All his family are healthy, no money worries. I tried to explain that everyone’s situation is 10x times worse than him, do charity work etc, appreciate his life, be grateful for small mercies, but the ungrateful conceited toe-rag just couldn’t get past his extreme conceit & self-obsession. He’s just pathologically greedy. He admitted he had no friends & people avoided him. After I blocked him he tried to text me to have the last word and turned nasty I was ending the friendship. He was just making my blood boil. Now I’ve terminated the friendship I feel 1000x better, but think I wasted a lot of time on a man who I only realised was a total arsehole late in the day. Hope other readers learn from me and as soon as there is red flags, get out immediately & not let things drift on or give people the benefit of the doubt. Some people out there just aren’t nice people, but do a good job of hiding it (for a while, before the mask slips). Incidentally, I have a feeling his wife will hand him divorce papers once his teenage kids leave home & his wealthy parents pop their clogs. Then he’ll be one of those bitter old men living alone, that his own family avoids.

I went out with someone when I was youngerand after we split up we stayed in touch as friends..We emailed coz he moved abroad..maybe two or three catch up emails a year sort of thing. I always had him on a bit of a pedestal.. He started saying things in emails that made me think he was different from the person I thought I knew. He married 3 times and they all left him..I started to realise he was a narcissist and actually a really unpleasant person, devious, lying snd manipulative. Sometimes we really dont know people at all. It can be quite a shock I csn trll you.Really horrible people can be quite good at masking it.

Whokilledrogerrabit · 13/09/2025 02:05

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 00:19

I find it hard to believe you were any sort of friend after reading that hate filled bile.

Very strange post to be honest.

Yes ! I was going to say this too. I'm thinking it was Mr Mediocre that had the lucky escape here...

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 13/09/2025 04:51

Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 01:38

You are 100% Garlic, when I was telling him stop complaining you’ve got it so good, it was him just wallowing in self-pity, self-obsessed, slagging off his family and chronic moaning how unfair life was to him, when he had everything. He just would not be told. At that point, I thought my patience had run out and that was that. I can understand why there’s a 50% divorce rate in this country. I get the sense his wife is holding out for the payday, then giving him an ultimatum.

his wife is on £100k, he's 'in and out of work' and paid less...
ddoes that not mean that in the event of any divorce, it'd be him getting the 'payday', not her?!

stayathomer · 13/09/2025 04:59

The people have it worse thing doesn’t help anyone, sometimes people are just ranting. Yes he has more than, well anyone really, but imagine someone telling you when you’re moaning about your situation well there’s people homeless etc etc.

user760 · 13/09/2025 05:14

This is a really odd post

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/09/2025 07:51

The subtext of threads like these is always:

'This person doesnt have a lot of people on their side'

'How long before people judge me for being friends with him'

'I want out and need an excuse'

'Let me act as though they are evil to justify my behaviour'

Bizarre of me to take a mans side, I know, but he deserves better. Yes, constantly moaning is off-putting, he should rein it in, but he still deserves to be really liked.

Yabu. Glad he is free of you.

Nicewoman · 13/09/2025 07:59

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 13/09/2025 01:24

He sounds like an entitled pain in the arse.
You did well to block him.

Yep, I’m very down to earth & just get on with it. I don’t have time for ungrateful pampered privileged complainers.

OP posts: