Re lost shoes at school

[Handrearedmagpie]

Really don't know how annoyed to be or if I should just suck it up.
DS attends SEN school. He has sensory issues so is terrible for taking his shoes off. I buy him (expensive) barefoot shoes as he is much more likely to keep these on.
There's a child in his class whose stim is to throw things into bushes. Every break/lunchtime staff have to look round the bushes to retrieve items she has thrown in as they know this is a regular thing.
A few days ago, my son had his shoes off & one of them was launched into the bushes & has went too far in to be found. Brand new shoes 🙄
AIBU to want the other parent to refund the cost of the shoes? I always take responsibility for anything my child does, ASN or not. I know my son shouldn't have had his shoes off, but that doesn't mean they can just be thrown away! If that's the case, there's a real risk I could be replacing shoes on a weekly basis if he's a shoe remover & she's a thrower.
I'm not blaming the child involved, or staff as they have enough to do keeping the kids safe, but also am annoyed that this could be a v expensive situation this year.

I'd want to know why they can't find the shoe. Surely the child can't have thrown it that far? How big are these bushes?

The other parent should pay.

Can you go and get the shoe out of the bush?

I think you should replace with cheap shoes. Things that get taken off in school get lost. Unfortunate that your child takes their shoes off alot. My kids have lost a lot of bags, water bottles, coats and jumpers.

Ops child has sensory issues.

Buying cheap shoes isn't the answer here.

Op do you know the other parents? I would try and speak to them, if this was my dd I would absolutely be willing to pay.

Would they let you go search the bushes? I’m struggling to imagine how they can’t find it- how big are the school grounds and is this kid inline to be a professional cricketer or something? Sounds more like they can’t be bothered to actually look so I’d definitely see if they’d let you try at pick up

It sounds like it’s equal parts your son’s fault (for taking the shoes off and not putting them somewhere safe), the thrower obviously, the school for not supervising them and not looking properly. So I think you’ll have a hard time getting anyone to take responsibility. My advice would just be buy cheap shoes from now on. Clearly the expensive barefoot shoes aren’t helping all that much if they’re coming off anyway. And then could you maybe agree something with school and DC that when they do come off he has a special and safe place to put them?

I'd be raging. And hiring a chainsaw. Nothing helpful to add I'm afraid short of adding some sort of air tag to his shoes.

The school need to manage both of them but the fair perspective is that there is fault with both children and with all things at school, the solution is not to send expensive gear in I'm afraid. You'd get no sympathy if an iPad was broken at school for an ND child either. I know footwear is basic but it's not done maliciously.

Is it possible to get a knock off version of barefoot shoes perhaps?

Yes the parent should pay. You can’t keep replacing things.

This is tricky, how does anyone know they can afford it. The parents weren’t in charge of the situation so is it fair for them to be billed? They could argue if your son had been wearing them they’d not get thrown in. Personally I’d just get in the bush myself and retrieve them. Ask staff that if my DC took their shoes off, please put them in a bag out of reach.

eta - if I was the other parent & heard of this I would probably offer to pay. But deep down I would also think it’s equally both childrens doing. Maybe half would be fair?

These are unfortunately the only kind of shoes he will put on his feet.
I have asked school if i could come look for them (big gardening gloves at the ready!) as the bushes aren't that big and as a pp said, the child can't have thrown them THAT far!! But school said no, that they would find them. And in the 2 days since then, it's been raining quite heavily and the shoe is probably wrecked even if they did find it now. Dont know the child's mum unfortunately.

This, would ds put them in a bag when he took them off?

He would need reminding but yes, i think he could do this.

I was actually thinking of adding an airtag to his shoes as he's a bit of a runner, wish I'd done it now!

Don’t loose hope & do keep reminding them! One of DD’s new (lost) shoes turned up 2 weeks later in another rooms ball pit at nursery once…

I’d complain about that to the Head. Really unacceptable that they’ve let this child throw them in the first place, they can’t be bothered to look properly because of course they’d find them with some minimal effort because it’s a large item thrown by a child so won’t have gone that far, worse still they won’t let you look and as you say too late now as likely ruined by rain. It’s 90% a school problem because it could have been solved by either you or them finding them on day they first went missing.

I don’t see how the air tag would help either unless they change their policy as they’d have to let you near the bushes to connect to and then retrieve the item although granted may be helpful for other reasons like if he’s prone to running off.

When you replace definitely have a bag for them as suggested by PP that maybe he can keep on his peg or wherever would be safe from this child. What a nightmare though, I’d be really cross if I were you.

I don’t really see how it’s reasonable to ask the parent to pay for them.

they were both in the care of the school at the time. Nothing the parent could have done to stop it.

As he is a shoe remover, I'd be tempted to send him in in plimsols and expect them to get removed or lost. He obviously isn't keeping the expensive ones on.

I think you can't expect the parent of another SEN child to pay because both children are equally 'at fault' or not at fault. You child 'should' have kept his shoes on, the other child should not have thrown the shoe. But it seems neither can help it right now...

If he won't put other shoes on at all (not even eg slippers?) then you need to work with the school for a process when he takes them off. eg they go in a bag on a high peg or something?

Initially I would buy more shoes and hope the teachers would have learned from this, so if your son takes his shoes off again, they will know to keep them away from the shoe-thrower.

If it happened a second time I'd approach the parent/school for more of a plan and maybe money. My son has SEN and is in a mainstream primary school and something always seems to happen in the first half term before teachers really understand him, then the rest of the year goes more smoothly.

If I were the parent, I'd offer to pay if I could afford it.

But really a better solution is needed than having your son take off very expensive shoes (and those barefoot ones are ££££) and therefore be more at risk of losing them/them being taken or thrown by other children.

Would he wear slipper socks/slippers/indoor shoes inside and then keep his shoes in a bag for wearing outside, or something like this? So pre-empt the situation.

Yep other parent should pay. (Or more realistically look in the bush. ) You are more likely to find it between you as you have a vested financial interest in doing so.

An air tag on his shoes isn't a bad idea.

The other child really needs to be stopped from throwing things for a start. I would be raging.

Keep reminding the school. It’ll dry out once it’s found. No the other parent shouldn’t pay. Try to teach your child that if they must take their shoes off they need to put them somewhere they will be safe.

also you will need 2 air tags… one in each shoe by the sounds of things!

my sympathies - I didn’t mean to sound as harsh as maybe it did.

It’s not the other parents a fault Or responsibility it’s the school that needs to manage it and look properly for the shoe. I’d be annoyed too but I wouldn’t bill the other parent.