Re lost shoes at school

[Handrearedmagpie]

Really don't know how annoyed to be or if I should just suck it up.
DS attends SEN school. He has sensory issues so is terrible for taking his shoes off. I buy him (expensive) barefoot shoes as he is much more likely to keep these on.
There's a child in his class whose stim is to throw things into bushes. Every break/lunchtime staff have to look round the bushes to retrieve items she has thrown in as they know this is a regular thing.
A few days ago, my son had his shoes off & one of them was launched into the bushes & has went too far in to be found. Brand new shoes 🙄
AIBU to want the other parent to refund the cost of the shoes? I always take responsibility for anything my child does, ASN or not. I know my son shouldn't have had his shoes off, but that doesn't mean they can just be thrown away! If that's the case, there's a real risk I could be replacing shoes on a weekly basis if he's a shoe remover & she's a thrower.
I'm not blaming the child involved, or staff as they have enough to do keeping the kids safe, but also am annoyed that this could be a v expensive situation this year.

But op says this is a stim?

Stim or not it needs to be stopped.
Throwing objects is dangerous and they could easily hurt someone, especially as they get older and stronger.

Both children and the school were at fault. OPs child shouldn't have taken his shoes off, the other child should not have thrown them. The school staff should have been supervising better.

@SallySuperTrooper

are you serious? If smacking someone in the face was their stim, would it still
be ok?

I'm just presuming that as the other child throws multiple things daily it's a stim, maybe they just like throwing!
The replies are helping me reframe my thinking that actually I'm more annoyed that the school didn't just let me into the grounds after school in the first place to just find the shoe myself!
I don't just want to let the school think it's ok they haven't found it, it's not a big playground! Its bad enough to be constantly replacing fruit pots/water bottles/jumpers/all the usual stuff, i really don't want to have to start with shoes!!

One of my kids won't keep on their school jumper (required uniform) due to sensory issues and I just buy shit loads of them.

He literally won't put another kind of shoe on his feet, even slippers 😭 i have bought a ridiculous amount of shoes trying to find a type he will wear. Trust me, if i could get away with cheapy supermarket shoes, i would!!!

Things like this do happen a lot in special school due to a range of needs including sensory. Break and lunch times typically have high staff child ratios due to levels of need.
Unfortunately even if you are near to a child things happen so quickly and can’t always be prevented.
Often there are activities available to occupy children or provide sensory input.
The child who likes to throw could possibly be occupied throwing bean bags at a target or Koosh balls into a pop up container.
Would your son tolerate PE Pumps or wellies for break time? I know how difficult it is.
We often had to retrieve glasses and shoes from over the fence. The site manager was often involved.
Hope they find a solution.

Sorry just seen latest post

Of course not... I expected people to understand that as op does, it's not an intentional action of the other child.

Donning my hard hat here as I suspect others will disagree, but I think the school should pay not the other parents. The other parents aren't present so there is absolutely nothing they could do to prevent this.

The school are responsible for both children and they know the other child is a thrower. Therefore they should have appropriate measures in place to make sure that other children's belongings don't get thrown and lost forever. There should be safe place his shoes (and any other valuable possessions) can get left. And how is she getting access to bushes? Can they not provide her with safe things/places to throw?

My DD threw her brand new start rites into a small clump of low bushes in the park. It took DH, me and 3 DC over 2 hours to find them. The whole area was less than 3m2.

It's highly likely the staff have looked very hard, but they really can't give that amount of time.

Whilst I'd be v. cross, I do think it's not really anyone's fault.

What would that be? A 1:1 each to follow the ds around waiting for him to take his shoes off and secure them, and for the little girl to stop her throwing anything? Is that feasible? What if he doesn't want them touching his shoes.

@SallySuperTrooper

it may not be intentional, but it doesn’t mean it’s ok and can continue. That’s the point I was making.

The OP hasn't mentioned him not wanting anyone touching his shoes (but if that's the case - even more important to keep them safe).

I've worked with lots of children with SEN. If he prefers his shoes off it could be that he takes them off when he arrives and puts them in a locker. I've known lots of occasions where there have had yo be additional measures in place to keep personal possessions safe from other children whose disabilities/specific needs mean that possessions may be destroyed.

And yes it may be that the little girl needs a 1:1 TA to keep both herself and others safe. That's fairly common.

I’d be speaking with the head teacher to ask what the plan is as youre not prepared to wait any longer to get the one pair of shoes he wears back.

If no reply if be there once the kids were gone either a long grasper litter picker thingy poking in the bushes til I found the shoe.

@DeathStareGood luck with getting a funded 1:1 in a specialist setting to keep personal belongings safe. It’s hard enough to get it when people are at risk!

OP can you ask to have access to the school out of hours to look youself? Moving forward I think a bag to put them in is a reasonable solution - as long as he is ok with staff touching them/ or can put them in himself.

If

Yes I know.

But if this young girl is constantly throwing things and is able to get out to bushes then I assume there is an element of risk.

My DS is similar sensory-wise and also wears barefoot shoes to school then immediately removes them. Have you tried cheap crocs? Loads of pupils at his specialist school wear them, those schools tend to be more relaxed about uniform, and nobody worries too much if/when the crocs get launched by another DC.

Neither can the other child's parents.
I wouldn't keep replace expensive shoes as I am not in charge of my child at school.

I think the school should let you search for the shoes and an air tag is also a good idea.

I don’t think the girls parents should cover the full cost, she was in the care of school, it would be good of them to contribute towards some new shoes though.

I would insist at drop off today that I be allowed to look in the bushes. Even if it has rained, I think that the shoe would be usable (possibly as a spare pair?) once it had dried out.

Otherwise I think that the air tags are going to be the best solution here, along with the bag idea for when he takes them off.

I think its the schools responsibility to pay for another pair. And for them to then come up with a better solution than the other child having the opportunity to chuck other kids belongings into area they cannot be reached.

School know your son has a behaviour where he removes his shoes. They also know the girl has a behaviour where she throws things. So they need to put the shoes somewhere safe if ds rakes them off and ensure the girl has othet, safe objects to throw .

The parents of the girls were not the ones supervising so this isn't on them

Have you tried Vinted or EBay? It’s the sort of thing that often comes up as a lot of people buy barefoot shoes and don’t get on with them.

It's not the other parents fault either - what on earth could they have done to stop him?

It's like saying it's your fault for your son taking them off in the first place.

They both have SEN & neither you or the other parent could have prevented it.

Your best option is to contact the school & get the shoe found then come up with a plan - both kids prob need to be supervised a bit better.

Tik tok shop sell cheap barefoot shoes.