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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being apart from 9 month old for 2 weeks

54 replies

MissTiss · 10/09/2025 20:06

Hi all,

DH is from Australia and wants to take DD (3) and DS (9 months by then) home for Christmas. I'm supposed to join December 1 but he wants to go two weeks earlier for extra time with his family.

I'm already taking 4 weeks off work in December after 8 months of mat leave and I could really use the two weeks to get started on a contracted project that's overdue and fairly important (writing a book). Also missing one leg of plane journey feels like a reward for all the sleepless nights!

But I'm starting to worry that 2 weeks apart from DS is too long. His dad is brilliant, he's very attached to him and he loves his sister. Grandparents etc will be there too.

But is it too long? I am not BF.

YABU - enjoy good sleep and a clear head for 2 weeks, baby will be fine.
YANBU - baby is too small go with them or stay behind for just one week.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 10/09/2025 20:10

Your baby will be with their other parent they will be fine.

Can you compromise and only come a week later if that makes you feel better?

lolomoon · 10/09/2025 20:20

If you feel comfortable with it then your baby will be fine! Dad sounds like he’s up for the challenge and it’s lovely that he is confident enough to do it. Grandparents will help too! Enjoy the downtime.

Meadowflower2023 · 10/09/2025 20:56

I take my hat off to your DH, not many men would want to do that flight with two young children.

I personally couldn’t have left my DC at nine months for two weeks but this isn’t my predicament (unfortunately!) You know for sure you’ll miss them like crazy but could you actually not see/hold them for that amount of time?

Cosyblankets · 10/09/2025 21:00

We had this the other way round in our family. They live in Oz. Baby came to uk with mum. All was fine.

Childanddogmama · 10/09/2025 21:00

I imagine that when it came to it, those 2 weeks would be awful. For both of you.

NuffSaidSam · 10/09/2025 21:03

Only you know if it's too long.

For some people, yes.

For other people, no.

What is true though is that your baby will be fine with his Daddy and sibling and Grandparents. Objectively it's fine. How you will feel about it only you know.

luckylavender · 10/09/2025 21:05

Meadowflower2023 · 10/09/2025 20:56

I take my hat off to your DH, not many men would want to do that flight with two young children.

I personally couldn’t have left my DC at nine months for two weeks but this isn’t my predicament (unfortunately!) You know for sure you’ll miss them like crazy but could you actually not see/hold them for that amount of time?

Don’t be so judgemental.

luckylavender · 10/09/2025 21:06

Childanddogmama · 10/09/2025 21:00

I imagine that when it came to it, those 2 weeks would be awful. For both of you.

Oh do stop it

Nothankyov · 10/09/2025 21:08

@MissTiss this is such a personal choice. I wouldn’t be away from my kids for 2 weeks - but then I’m probably not the best person to ask as mine are older and the longest I have been away is 1 week and that’s because they went on school trips 🤣. So I guess you need to think if you are ok with it.

Meadowflower2023 · 10/09/2025 21:15

luckylavender · 10/09/2025 21:05

Don’t be so judgemental.

Show quote history

Eh?

Endofyear · 10/09/2025 21:27

I think if you're feeling ok about it, your children will be fine - they're with their dad. I don't think I could have been away from mine for 2 weeks when they were so little though - purely selfish reason but I would have missed them terribly 😔 I let my mum and dad take my eldest away for a week when he was 1 year old and I was miserable and said never again! My DH did take the kids to Florida to visit family when they were all older & I was ok - missed them but was able to message with them all the time and I kept busy!

It really comes down to how you feel about it - if you're busy and think you'll be ok then it's fine.

Bananachimp · 10/09/2025 21:29

It's personal. I couldn't do it. But I have a friend who left a 5 month old for a 2 week holiday seemingly without a second thought.

PermanentTemporary · 10/09/2025 21:31

For me, too long, but only for the parent- I’m sure the baby will be fine. Sounds well planned though.

namechangetheworld · 10/09/2025 21:34

It all boils down to whether YOU feel you can do it. Baby will be fine with Dad and grandparents pitching in. But I couldn't leave either of mine for two weeks.

Original poster
MissTiss · 11/09/2025 09:33

Thanks all, yes I just don't know how I feel about it. Mostly terribly sad!

There are other factors though. 2 less weeks in kennels / friends house for dog...also was going to use the time to spend a weekend with my 85 year old dad who lives in another country (mum died last year).

So on balance probably should stay? Gonna miss the little lad so much though 😥

How do others balance these things!! We are in a particular situation though both being not from UK...

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 11/09/2025 09:43

At 9 months, I think being away from mum for 2 weeks is too long and your feeling show that. I would keep the baby with me, and presumably your dad would want to see them too. If you need time to write the book could you arrange to do this in December in Australia while all the family is around to help with the childcare.

Swiftie1878 · 11/09/2025 09:48

No-one can really help you with this. It’s so dependent on the child and on you!

I couldn’t do it, although my child, at that age, would have been fine!

Typo

Jk987 · 11/09/2025 09:50

Think how present and revived you’ll be after 2 weeks without mum duties! If Dad was not good with them and no support I’d say otherwise. You’ll miss them terribly but you have a once in a lifetime gift here. I’d take it!

StarlightRobot · 11/09/2025 09:52

It’s too long. Your baby won’t understand why you have gone and will miss her mum- it’s an important bond. I couldn’t do it.

Complet · 11/09/2025 09:53

Sounds lovely, and I don’t think people would give this a second thought if the dad was working away for two weeks! The children will be with their parent and grandparent and will have a wonderful time. What’s two weeks apart in the grand scheme of things (assuming you’re going to be living with them for the next 18yrs or so)!!

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/09/2025 09:55

nutbrownhare15 · 11/09/2025 09:43

At 9 months, I think being away from mum for 2 weeks is too long and your feeling show that. I would keep the baby with me, and presumably your dad would want to see them too. If you need time to write the book could you arrange to do this in December in Australia while all the family is around to help with the childcare.

If baby would be in childcare while mum is at work, would 24/7 with dad, sibling and grandparents maybe be preferable?

susiedaisy1912 · 11/09/2025 09:56

Nope I couldn’t do it

MinnieMountain · 11/09/2025 09:58

I remember DS being cross with me the first time I went away for a weekend when he was a similar age. He got over it within a day.

Take the 2 weeks. Your DS will be fine with his dad and you have good reasons for it.

Ilikegreen · 11/09/2025 10:10

I think you sound like a lovely person trying to balance it all. For totally different circumstances, I was away for two weeks from my baby when she was four months and seven months. I definitely missed her but she was with her dad, and I knew she was fine. Two weeks is so little time, it sounds like precious time with your own dad, and like this will enable a lot of stuff to be easier for you. A lot of people will say they couldn’t personally do it, but how many people are so far away from family - for me, this is the obvious flip side of that distance and circumstance.

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 11/09/2025 10:13

Your husband sounds great! Definitely take him up on the offer, get your work done and spend time with your dad.
Just curious as to why you seem more worried about being apart from the baby and not your older child.

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