Although my LO is now 3, I’m having trouble coming to terms with how my H treated me around breastfeeding. I wonder if I might benefit from some therapy. Now my LO is older am I’m back at work I’m feeling more empowered and getting really angry about how he treated me and don’t want him to touch me.
He put so much pressure on me to keep feeding. Technically everything was going well on paper - no issues with supply, baby gaining weight, etc. But the whole process was causing my so much anxiety I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t relax, it was just too much. Honestly it’s making me anxious just writing this out.
The doctor said since my anxiety was so severe I should just quit breastfeeding and start antidepressants, but my H overrode her opinion and pretty much told me not to do that - but to keep feeding. I was feeling really low and vulnerable and I feel kind of embarrassed to say I did what he asked for another month or so until I hit complete breaking point.
If he caught me giving her formula he would shout at me and shame me, making me feel like a complete failure. He was working from home at the time to supposedly offer support but he just made everything worse.
Although I did eventually stop and take the antidepressants in spite of his bullying, I feel like his pressure in those early months robbed me from enjoying my time with my LO and has destroyed my trust in him. I haven’t wanted to share a bed with him since, and the intimacy of our marriage is virtually nonexistent. Am I overreacting?