For not wanting to meet his friend on holiday?

[BlueShiney]

Some perspective from others would be appreciated. DP and I are going on a cruise tonight and when in Spain my DP has asked me to meet someone he used to work with 13 years ago who lives there (he lives in place where the ship ports)

I don’t want to mainly because I cant be bothered both physically (I have a condition which makes me very tired) and I don’t want to spend my free time with a stranger that I have zero interest in, so I’ll be sitting there like a lemon or having to make small talk for longer than I’d like. I realise some would say that’s not very sociable of me and I absolutely agree, but having to be making small talk with strangers most of my life whether it be work related or to appease my DP or other people, I simply can’t be bothered now. I feel like it’s my time and I’m not obliged to do things that make me uncomfortable etc to please other people. Now I just say no if I don’t want to.

I’ve been very sociable over the years in support of my DP and put myself in situations where I wouldn’t chose for myself. If it was a real friend that moved there a year ago or so that would be different, but it’s a random that he worked with and hasn’t seen head nor tail of since.

He’s got form for being selfish when we go on holiday “I want to see this, I’d like to see that” and more often than not he gets his own way but this has pissed me off probably a bit more than it should because he’s practically organised it without asking me. I think part of it is because he is quite selfish at times. He was saying if I’d like to go a see some famous painting we need to book and it might be an hour or two queue. I laughed and said I’m not queuing that long to see something I don’t even know what it is. Guess who does want to see it… He’s already got a list of stuff we need to see 🙄

I’m the spoil sort and awkward own apparently and he’d like to se his ‘friend’. I said he can go and I’ll stay on the ship or head the ship early so that’s the compromise surely? I’m not stopping him but equally I can’t be bothered myself.

Go on then, give me your thoughts…

Why are you going on holiday with someone you clearly dislike? Holidays are meant to be enjoyed not endured.

I thought he wanted you to stay with the friend or something, meeting up for an hour for a drink wouldn't seem unreasonable. And having a list of potential things to do is a good idea, a real pain if after the holiday you realise there was something fantastic that you really should have done or seen. Do your own list and then you can discuss which to fit in if they don't exactly coincide.

He will have a better time with his friend alone, unless he is also bringing a partner.
You sound incompatible

Your DP wants to see particular sites when he's on holiday. Seems perfectly normal to me, You can always do different things for some of the time

Yanbu. You've said you're happy for him to meet his friend alone. He can do that. I'm not sure why he's making a fuss about it.

I can see why you’d think that 😂

I do like him but it’s a difference on what’s expected on holidays. I want to chill and he’s got plans

Yanbu. Why on earth is he insisting you have to go? Him meeting the friend on his own is a perfect solution.

I think it’s fine for you to head back to the shop and he can meet the friend alone if you don’t want to.

I'd be happy to meet the friend, assuming it would be in a location we were planning on going anyway. Like for a meal/drinks. A local would be great to have around as they could suggest better places to eat.

But if you're not up for it can't he just meet his friend, and you go off on one of the tours organised by the cruise? Or just potter round the port town on your own and meet husband later, or just stay on the ship? You don't have to be joined at the hip.

So he wants to spend the only evening that ship us in port in that area meeting his friend. That would be a no from me.

It isnt even a close friend, it is from 13 years ago. An old colleague. Just no, but if he insists, tell him he's going alone

Yes this is how I feel. I’ve never been to this port before and we’re not there long so I would just like to wander about and have a look about on our own. Meeting up and sharing stories in pub means we’re stuck in a bar/pub and I just feel like it’s a waste.

Nah, you’re not being unreasonable at all. Surely he’d prefer to meet his pal alone anyway? I went on holiday alone earlier this summer, for the same kind of reasons, an incompatibility when it came to what we wanted to do on holiday. The absence of tension and stress was a real eye-opener and I’ll find it hard to go away with my partner again.

Yanbu

Let him go alone and you do something fun you want to while he is there - one of the shows or a spa or whatever one does on cruises

Yeah you’re selfish. U should go on holiday by yourself all the time.

I'd consider extremely fortunate that he had a friend in the port. I'd think it a happy coincidence and it would be almost rude of him not to try and meet up. I'd really appreciate a local's POV of the town rather than this formulaic way of cruise passengers moving from one overpriced tourist trap to another.

I always find it quite handy having a local guide, who can point you in the right direction, show you the short cuts etc.

I am a port planner on a cruise, you are only there for a few hours, and if there is something you specifically want to see, you need to be organised. It’s really easy, in a new port, to get lost. To be clear, I don’t plan every day.

It's not a friend, though it's someone he knew thirteen years ago at work.

I'd happily meet a friend of DH for a meal/drink, but I actually like my husband

That's just a dickish post.
One day in a particular port, she wants to see, and they have to spend it in a pub.Making small talk with his friend from 13 years ago.

Holidays, don't come cheap and that isn't fair for her to waste the only day they have in the port, doing that.

The rest of the original post indicated this is far from the OPs biggest issue, she clearly doesn't like her partner, he wants to go and see a painting and she can't be bothered with that either and sends to think it's hugely unreasonable that he fast ideas and what he'd like to see and it's making suggestions for their trip. Most people do this plan a trip then look into different things they'd like to do there and discuss them to make a plan. That gets an eye roll from OP

Thank you 😊

TheCurious0range
I'd happily meet a friend of DH for a meal/drink, but I actually like my husband
You have answered a question that wasnt asked!
I like my dh but I don't necessarily want to meet his mates when im on holiday.

Op, sounds like a reasonable compromise. I would be happy to do that.

That’s what you’ve taken from it and that’s fair enough and I don’t care about changing your mind, but no need for your sarky reply in your first post.

Too add, let’s hope your DP doesn’t get on your nerves at times!

You and Dp are not joined at the hip are you?
So if he wants to meet friend and see paintings etc. tell him to do them on his own and you will happily chill on the ship.

On the surface the easy solution is for him to go by himself. However, i guess it depends how involved you are in each other's lives otherwise. My partner rarely accompanies me to things, so it means a lot when he does join me.