For not wanting to meet his friend on holiday?

[BlueShiney]

Some perspective from others would be appreciated. DP and I are going on a cruise tonight and when in Spain my DP has asked me to meet someone he used to work with 13 years ago who lives there (he lives in place where the ship ports)

I don’t want to mainly because I cant be bothered both physically (I have a condition which makes me very tired) and I don’t want to spend my free time with a stranger that I have zero interest in, so I’ll be sitting there like a lemon or having to make small talk for longer than I’d like. I realise some would say that’s not very sociable of me and I absolutely agree, but having to be making small talk with strangers most of my life whether it be work related or to appease my DP or other people, I simply can’t be bothered now. I feel like it’s my time and I’m not obliged to do things that make me uncomfortable etc to please other people. Now I just say no if I don’t want to.

I’ve been very sociable over the years in support of my DP and put myself in situations where I wouldn’t chose for myself. If it was a real friend that moved there a year ago or so that would be different, but it’s a random that he worked with and hasn’t seen head nor tail of since.

He’s got form for being selfish when we go on holiday “I want to see this, I’d like to see that” and more often than not he gets his own way but this has pissed me off probably a bit more than it should because he’s practically organised it without asking me. I think part of it is because he is quite selfish at times. He was saying if I’d like to go a see some famous painting we need to book and it might be an hour or two queue. I laughed and said I’m not queuing that long to see something I don’t even know what it is. Guess who does want to see it… He’s already got a list of stuff we need to see 🙄

I’m the spoil sort and awkward own apparently and he’d like to se his ‘friend’. I said he can go and I’ll stay on the ship or head the ship early so that’s the compromise surely? I’m not stopping him but equally I can’t be bothered myself.

Go on then, give me your thoughts…

Sounds like you need to do what a lot of my friends do - separate holidays.

Aww how mean ! Time is a precious commodity- why should she give it away to a random. If said random was interested in her or her dp ex colleague 13 years would not have passed. Spain is not thaaaat far!

If you don't have any conditions that limit your energy levels, think yourself lucky. Some of us have a finite amount of energy and need to ration it carefully.

Surely there's room for compromise on both sides

I didn’t miss that no, and checked it in the context of everything else the OP says.

Which really sounds as if it is more to do with not wanting to put effort into things that are not what she wants to do (which I totally get, in the context of a holiday, and a position many women find themselves taking during to years of putting others first) and to prioritise her energy.

The OP seemed to have no physical constraints to wandering round the town , so in that context my personal choice would be to explore alone rather than spend more time on the ship alone.

Especially as cruises seem to be about seeing different places.

Some really odd replies amongst the rational ones. Not wanting to spend a holiday queueing for several hours to see a painting, or meeting with someone you don’t know to spend an evening making small talk (or being the gooseberry) isn’t being boring. Nor does it mean that her and her husband aren’t compatible. Lots of couples manage to holiday together with both getting what they want from it, without having to holiday separately. Nobody needs to spend 24/7 with each other if they have different needs.
Spending an evening with someone I don’t know, having to make small talk would be my idea of hell. I’d also think it weird as fuck for my husband to want to meet with someone he worked with 13 years ago and hasn’t contacted since but I’d still happily wave him off and not go myself!

Agreed.
It's not even a whole day and night in port Its usually just a few hours.
Who wants to sit in a bar listening to a boring catch up. ..get yourself round the shops and meet him back on the ship afterwards.

I would say a lot depends on how long you actually spend with this person. I went on a trip one Easter weekend to meet with some family, and it turned out that one of my uncle’s friends from a cricket team he was on about 15 years earlier happened to be in the area that weekend (I only knew this after I got there; uncle and aunt had only found out that day themselves via social media). So the one full day we all had together ended up being several hours in the hotel bar listening to enough anecdotes about Mad Steve, Matt the tightwad and Gary who was generally disliked that I could have written a book about them by the end of it. (The fact that I can remember specifics 10 years on says it all.) An hour or so might have been okay, four and a half hours was too much. In the end Mum and I left for a walk. Months later uncle moaned about the fact that we left.

It doesn't sound as though you like him very much, you're being antisocial and unreasonable really.

It’s not antisocial to not want to spend a night of your precious holiday sitting listening to your husband talk to his work colleague of 13 years ago, who you don’t know.

Its a few hours, maybe op could talk to him too, or make some conversation

Why? If she feels it would be an unpleasant experience? He’s her husbands ‘friend’ (who he hasn’t bothered to keep in touch with for 13 years) - why can’t he meet his friend by himself? Women need to stop doing things they don’t want to do to please men all the time.

Why doesn't he meet his friend on his own? You can both go ashore, and do whatever together, he goes to meet his friend, you go back to the ship. I wouldn't want to particularly meet up with a friend of my husband's, who he hasn't seen or spoken to in 13 years either! The list of places to visit is actually a good idea. Why don't you make your own list, compare the two and agree where you'd both like to go? If there's something on the list you aren't interested in, then he can go by himself.

cant you do your own thing while he’s doing this ?

To me it makes no odds. It's a local who will have better knowledge of the more genuine, less touristy things in the town.

Theyre there a few hours. They will sit on ass in a pub.

Deciding not to people-please is not the same thing as being antisocial. And couples don't have to do everything together.

How do you know?

I really don't blame you, I would be the same.
My husband comes from a different country, so I've had to meet a lot of his family on different occasions, as he has had to meet mine.
Every so often, he mentions friends or family of his who live in places where we like to go. While it's nice to meet his extended family or friends, I would just like to visit somewhere where I can relax, have a nice time with my husband and enjoy the place, without smalltalk and stressing about meeting yet another friend who he hasn't seen for 30 years. I suffer from bad anxiety so it's always an endurance to meet them that I could do without. I love my husband, but he seems to have friends or family everywhere in the world 😫

I don’t blame you , I’d refuse ! He can do as he likes but doesn’t get to dictate to you !

The o p said so. That's the plan.

Jesus, does nobody actually read the op's post anymore.