Child age 8 walks to our house on his own?!

[user1478188491]

There is a boy who is age 8 in my DS class at school who lives at the top end of our road.
We live at the bottom.
Boy is in same class as our son. He has autism and learning delay, and had a mental age of around 4/5 with no danger awareness or concept of traffic road awareness etc.
Today our doorbell rings, boy in question has walked himself down the road from the top of the road where he lives around 400/500 yards away ON HIS OWN 😳
He said he wanted to come and see my DS and come in and play however we were on our way out so I asked him ‘Where are your parents?’ He said ‘At Home’
So I assumed he had come out without their knowledge and said ‘Do they know where you are?’
He replied ‘Yea’
I found this very hard to believe so I rang his mum who answered and I said he was here did she know?
Her reply ‘Ah yeah he said he was going to come down and see you, we had a bit of an argument and he ran out of the house’
She said give her 5 minutes and she would come down and get him.

I was shocked, I can’t get my head around on what planet it’s on to allow a child of 8 years old walk himself up and down a busy road with traffic, (no crossings just straight down one side of the pavement) And also this boy is mentally behind any other 8 year old, he has no concept of danger or road safety/awareness.

AIBU for thinking his parents are irresponsible for allowing him to do this?

As the parent of a 7.5 yr old with some additional needs I wouldn't let him do this BUT I definitely think I'm on the anxious side. Also some days he would be capable of it others not because of how his condition is. I do think if no road crossings and she knows he manages that road you're overreacting.

I’m sure they’d love you putting it on MN.

Why are you so invested in this child's supposed incompetence? He managed to get to your house in one piece.

Do they drive on the pavement?

Your child will grow up to be extremely fragile if you raise him with this level of hysterical overprotection OP.

Totally agree with this. I have worked in schools supporting SEN children for years. I have worked with several for whom this would have been dangerous.

It is very niave to believe that all parents always make good decisions about their children. It is truly the hardest part of the job, dealing with children whose parents let them down badly. They are not necessarily bad people but that doesn't make the impact on the children any less devastating.

OP please let the safeguarding lead at school know what happened. ⁹

As I don't know the area you live in or the individual child, it's difficult to give a useful opinion.
I suppose his parents, who do have these facts can address your concerns.

I hope his Mother/Father are not on Mumsnet, of true you have given alot of identifying information. It comes across as intrusive.

When I was a kid, we roamed freely from the moment we could walk. We played near train tracks, crossed streets on our own, and yet I never heard of a child getting hit by a car or train, or being kidnapped. So yes, I truly believe kids are capable of much more than people tend to assume today. But of course, times have changed, rules and laws have evolved, and we have to follow them.

That said, it’s important to remember the immense pressure parents face today, especially those of us raising neurodivergent children. We need to support one another, not judge. Criticism and assumptions about negligence only make things harder. Be kind. Offer help. Don’t jump to conclusions.

At 8 I and most of my friends were walking ourselves to school which was approx a kilometre away, including crossing one biggish (although not a main) road. The idea that you think an 8 year old shouldn't be able walk 500 yards (without even needing to a cross a road!) is more concerning to me, to be honest.

Not up to you. None of your business. Keep your nose out. There we go, thread solved.

We were out all day in the summer at that age in the 1990s, in London streets.

I think you’re overreacting.

This is why young adults starting work at 16 don’t have a clue. They are wrapped in cotton wool and everything done for them.

If you know the parents so well why didn’t you bring up your concerns with them directly and flag that this might be dangerous? Why the outrage on a public forum instead of with the people who can actually do something about it or at least address your concerns?

I have a child with SEN, and where possible I try to give him the same level of independence as his peers. He won't be a child forever and overprotecting him will prevent him learning the skills he needs, placeing a second barrier on top of his disability.

There are some thing he won't be able to do or will do later for safety reasons, but theres also lots he'll do at a similar age to peers, because of the scaffolding I put in behind the scenes. If they've done work with him on staying on the path and not going with anybody, it seems fine. The cognitive test at school probably tested his academic learning, which isn't nessecerily the same as his ability to function in a real world setting, like walking down the street.

No need to shout at me in capital letters! You came on here asking for opinions - you therefore have to accept not everyone will agree with you (and I still don’t) 🤷🏻‍♀️ No need to be rude & shouty.

1. I think most 5/6/7/8 year olds can walk 500 feet or 300 feet or 500 yards on their own. So mental age or not, that wouldn't register with me as an issue.
2. I think it's a major issue if a child runs away and his parents don't follow him. Whatever we think about his capacity and however much you know about it, at the end of the day parents should be able to tell their children no for any number of reasons.
3. There's not really anything you can do about any of this.

Nobody “let” him do it.
500m is a very long residential street to have no road crossings.

She knows her son more than you do. Instead of slagging off a struggling mum on MN, have some compassion.

She was probably dealing with his behaviour all day and was burnout. It must be exhausting for her.

h

Mum knows if he capable or not trust her she wouldn't let him walk down if she didn't think it was safe. I have 3 ND children and they have all progressed differently and been able to do things at different ages.
DD would have been able to walk down the road to her friends if it involved no crossing roads.
Ds on the other hand wouldn't be able to walk down the road to a friend's.
My other ds only time will tell he's only 3 now.