Child age 8 walks to our house on his own?!

[user1478188491]

There is a boy who is age 8 in my DS class at school who lives at the top end of our road.
We live at the bottom.
Boy is in same class as our son. He has autism and learning delay, and had a mental age of around 4/5 with no danger awareness or concept of traffic road awareness etc.
Today our doorbell rings, boy in question has walked himself down the road from the top of the road where he lives around 400/500 yards away ON HIS OWN 😳
He said he wanted to come and see my DS and come in and play however we were on our way out so I asked him ‘Where are your parents?’ He said ‘At Home’
So I assumed he had come out without their knowledge and said ‘Do they know where you are?’
He replied ‘Yea’
I found this very hard to believe so I rang his mum who answered and I said he was here did she know?
Her reply ‘Ah yeah he said he was going to come down and see you, we had a bit of an argument and he ran out of the house’
She said give her 5 minutes and she would come down and get him.

I was shocked, I can’t get my head around on what planet it’s on to allow a child of 8 years old walk himself up and down a busy road with traffic, (no crossings just straight down one side of the pavement) And also this boy is mentally behind any other 8 year old, he has no concept of danger or road safety/awareness.

AIBU for thinking his parents are irresponsible for allowing him to do this?

Also I'm curious as to why after the first posters responded you changed some of the details to make it sound more dramatic

Such as originally it was

where he lives around 250/300 yards away

Now it says

he lives around 400/500 yards away

If you know the parents well, what would they think of you posting about their son (and describing them as irresponsible) on MN?

In many countries kids walk to school alone from 4/5/6. Just because someone has autism, it doesn’t automatically mean they have cognitive disabilities as far as road awareness etc has. My dc were walking to friends houses on our street at that age and no we didn’t text or message in advance because not everyone even had mobile phones and social media hadn’t been invented

Ugh honestly people are so frustrating, I’m not making it more dramatic I asked my husband how far he thought it was from ours to their house and he said it was this distance, I love how people jump on you to try and catch you out at every given opportunity on Mumsnet!

@Luxio yes, I was bemused as thought she’d said 250/300 yards.

I don’t know the boy’s individual capabilities but generally it sounds fine to me.

YANBU op. If he has the ability of a 4/ 5 year old, I'd no way let him walk down such a road by himself.
What did the mum say when she came to get him?

This. My sons started going to the shop at the bottom of our road on little chores (pint of milk, newspapers…) when they were 8. It is super important to get them independent and confident, rather than wrapping them up in cotton wool. The latter approach exposes them to more risk as they won’t be aware of dangers. My 15 year old last week trained from the Highlands down to Cambridge alone, involving 4 changes. He enjoyed it. But most of his friends wouldn’t be allowed to do that, although at 18 they’re shoved off to independent living at uni with no idea.

Before I even started school my mother would occasionally send me a good 15 minute walk to the village shop, with a list and some money.
I revisited the area with dh a while ago and found it was a lot further than I’d realised, but all not very much different.

It was so long ago, there were few cars, and to be fair she had 2 younger ones at home.

I would expect an 8-year-old to be able do this. But if he has the ability of a 4-year-old, I would expect a parent to be watching from a distance.

Tbf I'm with the OP, but I live in London. I wouldn't let my neurotypical child (8 soon) do the journey you have described solo, unless the other parent was expecting her and tbf I probably still wouldn't let her where we live. There's nice people for the most part but also some people who are not so nice. She used to have a friend who lives about 20 houses up on a very straight road, no obstacles and no crossing required. 1 min walk. I'd let her walk that but would make sure the other mum was expecting her before doing so.

Hes not a normal 8 year old though! This is the WHOLE point!
He is mentally behind and has the behaviours and thinking capacity of a 4/5 year old. He has no danger awareness, is unpredictable and lacking in road and car safety….

Give over 😂 Whining about responses you’ve had because you’re unwilling to waver your pre-determined opinion of the situation. You have been told by many you’re being unreasonable - and very judgemental.

For the average 8 year old with road safety knowledge it would be fine but not a child with mental age of 5. But I guess the mum knows him best and there is no road crossing. The bit that would concern me was “we had an argument and he ran out of the house”, then the mum just sat there and didn’t go after him to take him home or check he was actually going to yours

YADNBU
A responsible parent would have gone after him.

What does this child’s own mother think?

My children are all early 20s/late teens now, but when they were around 6 they all started playing out in the street on their own, and I couldn’t always see them. Kids need independence sometimes. I don’t see much wrong with the scenario mentioned

Even if this boy has a delay, he's got to start learning independence just like any other child. He probably doesn't like people treating him like he's a 4 year old. Walking 300 yards down the pavement to a safe family friend, without having to cross a road, seems like a really good first step.

OP, I totally get it. Maybe some parents would let their neurotypical child walk that far alone (I wouldn't, but maybe I'm of an age where I remember certain awful news stories) but as a parent with a child with similar traits to what your son's friend has, I would in a million years let him walk alone - no concept of danger etc.

What is also a worry is that the mum and child had a row and he walked out of the house - either she isn't very mature (who would ever let an 8yr old storm out of the house) or perhaps she's really struggling with this child and might need a kind ear?

At 8 mine were playing out and certainly walking to friends houses on the same street. YABU. His parents know him best and know what he is capable of re the learning difficulty.

You've changed the distance from 250m to 500m and you're dripfeeding about substantial developmental delay.

His parents are the best judge of how able he is to walk along a pavement in an area he knows to get to a home he is familiar with.

I'd be careful, the elastic on judgy pants can be quite uncomfortable.

@FridayFeelingmidweek if I was the parent of the other child, I’d not see the OP as possessing a ‘ kind ear’ given she describes my child as ‘not a normal 8 yr old’

I totally agree with you OP. I’ve got an AuDHD child who at that age also had zero concept of danger, would talk to anybody and was a runner to the point I had to put an alarm on the front door. His mum clearly wasn’t worried but I would have been to be honest.

I’ve already explained why I changed it as I have no idea of distances, I checked with my husband and he said it’s actually 500 yards.
Bot drip feeding at all, the facts are there from the start he has confirmed and diagnosed Autism AND developmental delay with an age of 4/5 mentally.

I get it, OP.

I teach children this age in mainstream primary. The range of abilities is very wide in all areas of development. For some children, it would be appropriate to have this level of independence and others it wouldn't. And that's before you've even considered any additional needs.

In most cases, it is true that the parent can make this judgement and it will be sound for their child. In others, parents will make the same judgement and it wouldn't be the right one to make for their child.

There also a prevailing narrative on MN that parents of children with additional needs will always make the right decision for their child and know their child better. It's probably true for the type of parent who posts on MN, but we know that that it isn't always the case too and there are many reasons for that.

In the situation you've described, what would concern me is that she knew the child had run off and had allowed him to get as far as your house without at least following him or watching from a distance. Knowing that he was angry when he left, she should also have known that his decision making capabilities would be reduced. That's true for everyone. It's how the brain works.

That increased the risk for him regardless of his developmental age or learning needs but, with those things added in, it raises the risk to him further.