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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child age 8 walks to our house on his own?!

121 replies

user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 08:49

There is a boy who is age 8 in my DS class at school who lives at the top end of our road.
We live at the bottom.
Boy is in same class as our son. He has autism and learning delay, and had a mental age of around 4/5 with no danger awareness or concept of traffic road awareness etc.
Today our doorbell rings, boy in question has walked himself down the road from the top of the road where he lives around 400/500 yards away ON HIS OWN 😳
He said he wanted to come and see my DS and come in and play however we were on our way out so I asked him ‘Where are your parents?’ He said ‘At Home’
So I assumed he had come out without their knowledge and said ‘Do they know where you are?’
He replied ‘Yea’
I found this very hard to believe so I rang his mum who answered and I said he was here did she know?
Her reply ‘Ah yeah he said he was going to come down and see you, we had a bit of an argument and he ran out of the house’
She said give her 5 minutes and she would come down and get him.

I was shocked, I can’t get my head around on what planet it’s on to allow a child of 8 years old walk himself up and down a busy road with traffic, (no crossings just straight down one side of the pavement) And also this boy is mentally behind any other 8 year old, he has no concept of danger or road safety/awareness.

AIBU for thinking his parents are irresponsible for allowing him to do this?

OP posts:
Natsku · 07/09/2025 09:42

Of course the average 8 year old can walk down the road alone. My 7 year old walks to school alone and that's a lot further than just down the road, involving crossing roads and walking along roads that have no pavements. He is perfectly capable of this, as are all the other 7 year olds making the same journey.

An 8 year old with developmental delay is a different matter though, it really depends on the individual child and their parents know best how capable or not they are, but it sounds like he wasn't actually allowed to walk there alone - he ran off during an argument.

FridayFeelingmidweek · 07/09/2025 09:43

myrtleWilson · 07/09/2025 09:37

@FridayFeelingmidweek if I was the parent of the other child, I’d not see the OP as possessing a ‘ kind ear’ given she describes my child as ‘not a normal 8 yr old’

I don't think OP said he 'wasn't normal' unless I missed something. She said he has autism and learning needs, and that the child's parent told her about it.

Personally, I think another kind parent lending an ear or at least empathising about how tough certain things can be with neurodiverse children is lovely. But then again, I'm not defensive and welcome kindness. This person doesn't sound judgemental and if the other mum chars to her about the diagnosis, it's hardly stepping over lines.

Mewling · 07/09/2025 09:43

user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 09:07

Because we know the parents of the boy well, they told us this themselves.

Show quote history

I’m sure these people that you know so well would be thrilled at your description of their son as “not a normal child”.

Perhaps they thought him walking down the street in the direction of a family that knew him well might not be an issue?

skippy67 · 07/09/2025 09:44

YABU.

Mewling · 07/09/2025 09:45

@FridayFeelingmidweekHer words were “He’s not a normal 8 year old though!…He is mentally behind…unpredictable”

FridayFeelingmidweek · 07/09/2025 09:46

myrtleWilson · 07/09/2025 09:37

@FridayFeelingmidweek if I was the parent of the other child, I’d not see the OP as possessing a ‘ kind ear’ given she describes my child as ‘not a normal 8 yr old’

Oh yea, she did say not normal. Oops, bad phrasing there OP.

ScrollingLeaves · 07/09/2025 09:46

I would say it is fine and what always used to happen. But, as now streets can be very tricky to cross safely because of double parked, very wide and high cars, and being used as rat runs, I think this would only have been safe for this child if you live on the same side of the street.

Luxio · 07/09/2025 09:46

FridayFeelingmidweek · 07/09/2025 09:43

I don't think OP said he 'wasn't normal' unless I missed something. She said he has autism and learning needs, and that the child's parent told her about it.

Personally, I think another kind parent lending an ear or at least empathising about how tough certain things can be with neurodiverse children is lovely. But then again, I'm not defensive and welcome kindness. This person doesn't sound judgemental and if the other mum chars to her about the diagnosis, it's hardly stepping over lines.

Show quote history

She did indeed say he wasn't normal. Which is a bloody vile thing to write about anyone let alone an 8 year old.

This was her exact wording.
Hes not a normal 8 year old though! This is the WHOLE point!

The OP doesn't sound like a kind friend at all she sounds incredibly judgemental of this child and his parents.

FridayFeelingmidweek · 07/09/2025 09:48

On a complete side note and at the risk of starting a new topic - I wonder where in the country everyone is from to let their 7/8 year old walk alone. Genuine question.

Where I live, not a chance but maybe parts of the country are safer/family around/close knit community etc.

HeddaGarbled · 07/09/2025 09:53

She was obviously having a situation with him. She’s having a hard enough time without you judging her on social media. Poor bloody woman.

Radiatorvalves · 07/09/2025 09:54

At that age I used to walk round a big park in Leeds with my 6yo brother and the dog. Clearly not ok by today’s standards, but OP you are definitely being OTT.

Original poster
user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 09:58

HeddaGarbled · 07/09/2025 09:53

She was obviously having a situation with him. She’s having a hard enough time without you judging her on social media. Poor bloody woman.

Yes and he was angry and upset when he ran from
the house, not an ideal situation to be making his way on his own down a busy road

OP posts:
waterrat · 07/09/2025 09:58

An 8 year old is more than capable of this. Even with additional needs I'm sure teh mum must have known he would just walk to you and didn't immediately panic.

really not sure what you are getting het up about.

Luxio · 07/09/2025 10:00

user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 09:58

Yes and he was angry and upset when he ran from
the house, not an ideal situation to be making his way on his own down a busy road

Show quote history

And yet somehow despite all your faux concern for his safety and lack of road sense he was absolutely capable of walking down the street to your house...

Peacepleaselouise · 07/09/2025 10:03

Personally I wouldn’t ‘let’ my SEN 11 year old do this but sounds like it wasn’t allowed - he had gone off and you rang before she found him. So I think you’re being a bit judgemental. As they get bigger, it can be hard to safely contain autistic children and they are known to be escape artists sometimes. So I wouldn’t assume somehow mum doesn’t care or is being negligent. She came as soon as you rang and was probably very relieved.

Catsandcwtches · 07/09/2025 10:04

This mum may be under a lot of pressure OP. Does she have any other kids in the house? Because an eight year old runs fast. I’ve been in this situation myself with an autistic 9yo, I got my trainers on and followed but I had to get his little sister out too which slowed us down. It sounds like you don’t have a kid with special needs yourself and probably don’t fully appreciate how hard it is.

Original poster
user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 10:04

Luxio · 07/09/2025 10:00

And yet somehow despite all your faux concern for his safety and lack of road sense he was absolutely capable of walking down the street to your house...

Show quote history

This time….. Would have been a different story if something had happened wouldn’t it?
Drivers drive down this road like idiots, it’s very dangerous so no I don’t believe its ’faux Concern’

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 07/09/2025 10:05

Yes and he was angry and upset when he ran from
the house

So, why do you think it’s OK to publicise this on Mumsnet? You seem mean and judgy.

Catsandcwtches · 07/09/2025 10:05

FridayFeelingmidweek · 07/09/2025 09:48

On a complete side note and at the risk of starting a new topic - I wonder where in the country everyone is from to let their 7/8 year old walk alone. Genuine question.

Where I live, not a chance but maybe parts of the country are safer/family around/close knit community etc.

Edited

@FridayFeelingmidweek my kids school in south west lets kids walk home alone from age 8/9 with parents permission

Original poster
user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 10:05

Peacepleaselouise · 07/09/2025 10:03

Personally I wouldn’t ‘let’ my SEN 11 year old do this but sounds like it wasn’t allowed - he had gone off and you rang before she found him. So I think you’re being a bit judgemental. As they get bigger, it can be hard to safely contain autistic children and they are known to be escape artists sometimes. So I wouldn’t assume somehow mum doesn’t care or is being negligent. She came as soon as you rang and was probably very relieved.

No she knew he ran out of the house shouting ‘I’m going to xxxx’s house’
and she let him do it instead of stopping him or following him

OP posts:
Original poster
user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 10:06

HeddaGarbled · 07/09/2025 10:05

Yes and he was angry and upset when he ran from
the house

So, why do you think it’s OK to publicise this on Mumsnet? You seem mean and judgy.

Because it’s a forum for ‘discussion’ and there are far worse things posted on here than this 🙄

OP posts:
Luxio · 07/09/2025 10:06

user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 10:04

This time….. Would have been a different story if something had happened wouldn’t it?
Drivers drive down this road like idiots, it’s very dangerous so no I don’t believe its ’faux Concern’

Show quote history

Of course it's faux concern you just wanted to post a thread on here to judge her in the hope others would agree she was a shit parent.

If you were actually worried about him you wouldn't have started this thread mere moments after this all happened.

Original poster
user1478188491 · 07/09/2025 10:08

Luxio · 07/09/2025 10:06

Of course it's faux concern you just wanted to post a thread on here to judge her in the hope others would agree she was a shit parent.

If you were actually worried about him you wouldn't have started this thread mere moments after this all happened.

Show quote history

The incident happened last night, and yes I was concerned enough to firstly ring his parents to make sure they knew where he was and the walk him back up the road to make sure he was ok where she met us half way

OP posts:
claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer · 07/09/2025 10:08

FridayFeelingmidweek · 07/09/2025 09:48

On a complete side note and at the risk of starting a new topic - I wonder where in the country everyone is from to let their 7/8 year old walk alone. Genuine question.

Where I live, not a chance but maybe parts of the country are safer/family around/close knit community etc.

Edited

My 7 year old walks to the corner shop on her own, we live in a town in Northumberland. No family around (in the sense of close enough to bump into on that journey- my parents live a few miles away) and what I would call average crime? Wouldn’t leave my house and go out with the door unlocked but nobody gets stabbed

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 07/09/2025 10:11

His mum knows him better than you do. She knows what he can and can't do safely.

He is normal. He's a normal child with learning difficulties