To feel so stressed about what BIL (and MIL??) has said

[Artmumcreative]

BIL came to us for Christmas. DH had spent weeks prepping an extravagant meal despite our DD only being six months old. BIL argued with DH about the food, refused to help with the washing up, and said he'd have preferred to have got pizza in. I ended up feeding DD in the bedroom at this point because I didn't want her to listen to it (she was about 6 mo)
BIL suggested we go for a meal "to clear the air" a few weeks later. We did so, everything seemed fine. I haven't seen him since.
Then he contacts DH randomly yesterday to say that he's still angry about Christmas?!? And that I made him feel awkward because I was breastfeeding when he arrived. I've felt stressed ever since because I'm being scapegoated but didn't do anything wrong. AIBU to be this affected by being blamed when I hadn't done anything? If so, how do I get rid of the stress?

Ignore, it is old news.

Plan ahead for this Christmas so that you are not spending it with him again.

Be ready to share your plans for this year as soon as you can. (we are off to//invited to/spending Christmas with/having Christmas just us..)

@Artmumcreative he's deflecting his own bad behaviour onto you.

Don't give it any more head space, he's an ungrateful sod.

Yes. Because you know you are not in the wrong, neither is DH, and BIL sounds like a rude and ignorant twat.
This year, I hope there’s absolutely no suggestion he’ll be a guest again (I’d be adamant on the point) and that the meal planning, never mind the prepping, doesn’t take weeks again, as it needn’t be that onerous!

Anyone having the nerve and indeed the weirdness to criticise your breastfeeding needn’t come again.
That ‘air clearing meal’ ought to have been an abject apology for his boorish behaviour, and on Boxing Day, not weeks later.

He sounds like a difficult sort of person. I suspect whatever you do he will find fault so I wouldn't try to hard to please him.

He’s angry about Christmas? Simple. He doesn’t get invited again - bye, cunt.

He wants you to apologise by inviting him to yours for this xmas. To make it up to him.

Do not engage, ignore him and plan your own little family xmas.

Or just say you've decided not to do Christmas this year. End of....

Where does MIL come into it or are you just trying to find some way to blame her?

Tell him to fuck off and don't let him through the door again.

Tell him to bog off and don't invite him for Christmas.

Your BIL is a dick (why oh why am I reading about so many today?!). You’ve done nothing wrong.
He is a dick. Repeat that to yourself every time you feel anxious about him.

Just don’t engage with him, he’s a drama llama.

Reply “ok, sorry to hear that”.

DO NOT invite him for Christmas.

You mention your MIL in the title, but not in the actual post. Did she say the same as BIL?! If so, they’re not welcome at your house for Christmas until they apologise for being entitled and ignorant.

Don’t engage with anything other than “We’d like to move beyond this. Sorry you can’t”
I wonder what he’s really angry about because this is ridiculous behaviour.

What a wanker

Why did your dh tell you.
He should have just told his brother not to be ridiculous.
They cant be close so who cares. Just ignore him.
It sounds like you and your dh did nothing wrong .
Plan for a nice Christmas without him.

He sounds hard work but clearly thinks he should be invited again. He didn't like you breastfeeding your baby in your own house?

That's easily solved. He doesn't come to your house again. Because he's so sensitive ...

tell your dh that he can't go to yours for xmas as he's a twat

Sounds like an utter lunatic.

Very astute. I think you’re probably spot on there.

Don’t engage with him in anyway and don’t invite him again. You know you aren’t in the wrong.

ffs its taken him 9 months to come up with an excuse for his shitty behaviour and you are that excuse!

id let hm know directly - not through dh that he needs to be a bit more imaginative with his excuses as that one is very poor verging on pathetic

hopefully then he won't turn up again for xmas

Thank goodness he has helped make it clear early on that he is not someone that you and DH are any to have a relationship with.
Be very low contact and make plans for Christmas by yourselves early this year.

🤣🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👌🏻

I have a BIL who is also ‘difficult’ (an arsehole). I’ve been the scapegoat for his bad behaviour a few times. I don’t see him any more but even hearing about him makes me anxious (I think he makes my husband anxious and I feed off of that).

You are the butt of the inherited family dynamic. But without the experience of dealing with it. It’s hard. I don’t know the answer! But he’s the arse. And everyone will know that.

Oh gosh mate, I hadn’t really thought about it. I’ve just been enjoying Elsie grow and change for the last 9 months - she’s such a character and a delight. If my wife breast feeding our baby daughter is still causing you stress and anxiety - can I suggest you get some therapy? We haven’t thought about this Christmas but this year we are celebrating it as quietly and peaceful and with as much fun for Elsie as possible unlike last year - we want a positivity and joy. Hope you have a good one, we certainly will be ! John