To feel so stressed about what BIL (and MIL??) has said

[Artmumcreative]

BIL came to us for Christmas. DH had spent weeks prepping an extravagant meal despite our DD only being six months old. BIL argued with DH about the food, refused to help with the washing up, and said he'd have preferred to have got pizza in. I ended up feeding DD in the bedroom at this point because I didn't want her to listen to it (she was about 6 mo)
BIL suggested we go for a meal "to clear the air" a few weeks later. We did so, everything seemed fine. I haven't seen him since.
Then he contacts DH randomly yesterday to say that he's still angry about Christmas?!? And that I made him feel awkward because I was breastfeeding when he arrived. I've felt stressed ever since because I'm being scapegoated but didn't do anything wrong. AIBU to be this affected by being blamed when I hadn't done anything? If so, how do I get rid of the stress?

Why are you letting these people into your thoughts and future plans? You and DH focus on your own family, with the Xmas and life you want. If BiL and MiL join and behave, cool, they don’t, bye bye.

It sounds like he is not someone you would like to spend another Christmas with! Incredibly rude and petty to bring it up now. Don’t be upset!

ang bad vibes are unpleasant however tbis is on you dh to set boundaries with him. Maybe you can set boundaries too that you don’t want to hear any bad texts from him relating to you

Also unless bil is still a child I wouldn’t spend time with him again

How old is BIL? 12? If so, give him the benefit of the doubt.

If he is a grown man, ignore him. Concentrate on supporting your DH who is in the unfortunate position of having dickheads for blood relatives.

And thank your lucky stars that the dickheads have revealed themselves early before they have built significant relationships with your dc.

Get over the stress by getting rid of the BIL. Be civil if your paths cross, perhaps even go out for dinner again if the occasion arises and you agree that you are each paying for yourselves but never invite them over to your house or host them again as they obviously make up slights and issues when you do.

👏👏👏

DH needs to respond....
Hi Twat Brother,
That's a shame that you're still apparently annoyed when we went out of our way to accommodate and welcome you in our home.
It's probably better if you don't come round again, if it's upsetting you so much.
Your Not a Twat Brother
Obviously use actual names. 🤪

So you haven’t said how your husband responded, if at all. I imagine the BiL is a sort of flying monkey trying to get info for the MiL, assuming MiL has never met your baby… I imagine it is the MiL who is horrified about breastfeeding and BiL is using as a way to defend himself.

beware they, as you know, are arseholes. To save you money in therapy repeat after me… they are nasty arseholes - it’s all you really need, because once you accept, you won’t be as stressed.

It's very easy. You invite neither of them to your house for Christmas. Never again.

Your BIL is a combative wanker and your MIL sounds complicit. You surely don't want/need cunts like them in your lives and that of your baby!

Plan and enjoy a family Christmas with just you, your DH and your DD. It's far nicer and less complicated that way.

It is also completely bizarre that your MIL is zero contact on the basis of BIL not getting pizza!
Either way if she cuts off her son and GC on this basis then you are way way better off without someone in your lives who sees this type of behaviour as reasonable as its a massive red flag!

Enjoy your little family unit OP and spend time with friends/family who deserve the time and effort and don't waste time on those who don't and behave worse then petulant teenagers!

Well at least you both know now that theyre both idiots and you wont need to cater for them this Xmas. Result!👍

You need to change your mindset. This is all a him thing. He felt awkward you were breastfeeding? What a weirdo.

He's upset about Christmas? Don't come then.

He's holding your emotions hostage with his issues. Stop allowing it. You said yourself you've done nothing wrong. Well you may as well have if you're going to bear the brunt of it?

Bluntly, so what? Not your monkeys, not your circus. You invited him, he disgraced himself, you’ll know better this year. Put it out of your head.

What an embarrassingly juvenile prick your BIL sounds. I presume he's single. It's a shame when family don't behave how we expect, but unfortunately some people are just unbearable. No need for you to see him or speak to him again.

You get rid of the stress by reminding yourself that he's an idiot.

You married someone with a freaky family. Never mind you don’t need them in your lives! Make it crystal clear though that Bil is never invited for Christmas again!

He’s clearly a dick, but I do think YABU to let it affect you so much. You can choose not to care about his opinion.

I don’t think you are getting the full story OP.

Tell him to fuck off and not contact you. You’re allowed to breastfeed in your own home.

I hope your DH told him to stop being ridiculous and that his child will be fed when needed in her own job home. You did nothing wrong, some people are just shit heads, sounds like BIL and MIL fall into that category. Be glad you don't have to spend this Christmas with either of them

i may not be Christian but I never understand the pressure people put themselves under. Prepping for weeks? I have four families here next Friday night and I’ll be prepping during the week.

I just don’t see why families who generally don’t get on feel the need to put themselves through it every year.

I voted YABU because I wouldn't give this wanker any headspace whatsoever. Who gives a shit if he didn't like you breastfeeding in your own home?

You get rid of the stress by realising that his opinion is utterly irrelevent and refuse to entertain him ever again.