To think I don’t have a alcohol problem

[Boingyboingy]

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

Could you go months without it?

How much are drinking? And what time do you start?

What are you drinking?

Do you drink in secret and or hide alcohol?

These are all questions i had to ask myself to realise, i wasnt an alcoholic, just that i have issues with alcohol.

Just make the decision right now that you’re not going to drink at all for the next two weeks. I think you’ll find out pretty quickly if you’ve got a problem or not. I like a drink, but have extended periods where I can’t drink because I get bad headaches. Life is pretty stressful right now so I could easily become a bit dependent on it I think if I wasn’t obliged to abstain so often.

I say this as someone who did have a problem - been sober over a year now.

If you're drinking daily to deal with stress and are psychologically craving it then, in my view, this is an issue. Possibly not if you are only having half a glass of wine a day, but I doubt that's the case.

You know in your heart of hearts whether this is the case. I know I did, I just didn't want to acknowledge it.

How much do you drink a day?

I do get it OP. That longing for the initial warm fuzzy feeling. It's nice and wine tastes nice. It's hard to resist. However drinking every day isn't doing you any good at all.

Miss a day in between, sometimes two, so you are only having a drink three nights a week. It's surprisingly doable.

It's pointless asking someone with a problem if they can go a week without.

Most can unless they are physically dependent on alcohol and then they get withdrawal symptoms that can be very frightening.

Many people who are alcoholics can stop for a few weeks but then they go back to it.

I empathise with your Dh it’s not nice being with someone who is drinking every night

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/tools/drinking-check/#/overview

Hello @Boingyboingy

I am a recovering alcoholic. My DH rarely drinks, my adult DC not at all due to my twenty year dependancy.

There is an active thread that provides support over on alcohol. However it's not for moderators as we have varying degrees of addiction. Talking about consumption can trigger some people.
Have you tried the ten day test?
Can you go that long without a drink?
If not I'd try SMART online support.

Fwiw my dependancy kicked in during my late thirties. I wasted two decades. It effected my children and my health. If I hadn't stooped three years ago I'd be dead now.

I disagree It’s not drinking every day that’s the problem, it’s how much and the circumstances.

I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better.

That is where alcoholism starts.

It's the habit of it rather than the quantities consumed.

Thought you were past what?

People can be / become alcoholics at any age.

And it does sound like you have a problem.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-misuse/#:~:text=If%20someone%20loses%20control%20over,to%20see%20or%20accept%20this.
Have a read op.

@Boingyboingy Drinking alcohol every day is beyond excessive.

If you or someone else is worried then you need to be. I found that I was increasingly hav8ng wine during the week instead of weekend as a nice relaxant before eating, but then was getting more sleepy on a night etc. When I counted it up, I realised if I didn’t have a problem, I soon would do so stopped. Was alcohol free totally for 11 months and then had a little on holiday but was very limited, max 2 drinks at most a night and some nights nine. Now back home, I’m drinking very little and it is the odd wine on a weekend, and def nothing during the week, The 11 months off was like a reset and I ,prob drink a max of 5 units a week and sometimes none.

Suggest you stop totally a good period of time

Some tips:

download “try dry” app - it will measure your alcohol intake, easy to use and is a good indicator of your true alcohol intake

if you’re on social media seek out sober curious accounts to learn about the alternatives - sober Dave / sober girl society / a class people / Millie Macintosh - she’s also written a great book (Bad Drunk)

replace beer and gin or vodka / Guinness with non or low alcohol. It doesn’t actually taste much difference

by writing on here and seeking advice you know. You know you are at the fork in the road. It doesn’t have to be walking through the door of an AA meeting or rehab. It can be quiet without fanfare and small changes.

it will change your life - one way or the other. Pick the right way and you’ll be amazed at the benefits in your life and marriage.

Is your life incredibly stressful? Are you having to cope with some of the most challenging things life brings? Serious illness, disability, a job you can't handle, financial issues that threaten your livelihood, bereavement? Because if not, and you're craving alcohol to cope with stress now, what might that look like when the big stuff starts happening? You need to learn healthy ways to soothe and calm yourself. Because daily drinking will damage your health and possibly your marriage given your H is concerned, and then you'll have all the stress you have now, plus some big extra stuff on top.

In my view: to enjoy the feeling of being chilled out, and using something to help with stress is some place on a slope.

You may not have slipped yet, but the chances are you will, and the only way is down.

So id pay heed to the people around you, and make steps to cut back.

OP can you be a bit more specific about how much you actually drink per day ? People’s alcohol tolerances differ and it’s difficult to know if you are drinking to health damaging levels to get that chilled feeling, or whether it happens after a couple of beers or glasses of wine.

In general I would say drinking every day is a problem, and although you say you don’t drink on Sundays, this seems to be because you have other things to do and the presence of your DH, who doesn’t drink, influences you. So it’s also likely that the rest of the time you’re drinking because you have nothing else to do. And although you say you don’t crave alcohol, you do crave the chilled feeling it gives you, and I think that amounts to the same thing. Is it possible that you’re using alcohol as a crutch for something missing in your life, because if so, you’re better addressing that need as you’re likely to find yourself drinking more if not.

I would make an appointment with your GP and tell them what you’ve said here - be specific about the actual amounts you’re drinking, and be guided by what they tell you. It’ll be easier to cut down now rather than wait until you’re actually alcohol dependent.

If your loved ones are concerned and you find yourself justifying your drinking, it’s a sign that there is a problem there. You don’t have to be a full blown alcoholic to have a problem.

I used to tell myself it was fine and everybody had a drink most evenings. But they don’t, you know. You see it on TV and stuff but in reality most people aren’t opening a bottle of wine every single night.

Depends how much you’re drinking. My mum is 94 and has had a glass of red wine every day with her evening meal for as long as I can remember. Hasn’t done her any harm.

Of course you have an alcohol problem - you’re drinking to help you cope. Hello.

This. OP hasn’t been specific about how much she’s drinking, or why she feels the need, so it’s hard to know what the extent of the problem is.