To all eat the same meals!!!

[MumWhoHatesCooking]

So we have three boys (8,10,12) and we may have one meal a week that they ALL eat (for instance spaghetti bolognaise) but every.other.night I am cooking a different meal as one doesn’t like noodles for instance the other doesn’t eat beans, one only eats fries, the other two can’t stand them, one likes burgers the other likes fish fingers (but only on a certain day ya’know!)

And then one day they like something and the next week they don’t!?

Ive tried the whole you’ll eat what I’ve made and nothing else ….. they then don’t eat !

The kids are being unreasonable right?
(please tell me they’re being unreasonable, from a very frustrated mother, who hates cooking dinner and then they don’t eat it 😭)

We serve deconstructed family style on the table. If we have fajitas you pick beans, veg, tofu, meat, cheese, tomato, whatever, fill your own, for example. I make vegan and meat bolognese and plain tomato sauce for pasta and heat as required. Adults get to not eat food they hate, my kids also get to choose what to put on their plates within the caveats of needing some protein, fruit and veg, carbs etc. Family style and batch cooking makes it straightforward for me.

I’d try to stick to the same components of the meal as much as possible. So I’d cook burgers and fish fingers but you’re all having them with jacket potatoes and salad for example. Then I’d do a Thai curry and one can have the noodles, the others can have it with rice. A bit of flexibility but essentially you’re all having the same meal- not a stir fry for one, burger and chips for another.

I only have one DC who is younger than yours so take what I say with a pinch of salt!

But the approach I’ve taken since she was tiny is we all eat the same meal. I might make small adjustments - more so when she was very little, there’s not as much need now but e.g DH like chilli on/ with everything so I’ll add that to his separately, or if I’m doing some chicken in a spicy marinade I might do hers just in lemon and garlic separately, that kind of thing.

I do always make sure there’s a few different elements to a meal including a few I know she definitely likes. So for example some kind of bread or wrap on the table, mini corn on the cob in addition to whatever other veg, some grated cheese if it’s appropriate for the meal, hummus on the side even if it seems random, baby cucumbers and cherry tomatoes which she will eat along with the salad leaves she won’t etc (not all of these at once, just examples!). I don’t offer alternatives but she can have more of whatever bit of the meal she does like (if we have it).

There’s always fruit and Greek yoghurt available after - she tends to be a good eater so I don’t worry too much about her choosing this instead, but if there ever is a time I don’t feel like she’s eaten much for her meal I feel better knowing she’s got that.

Like I say I know it’s much easier with one but I’d probably stick to this approach if I had more. If everyone likes chicken then chicken wraps it is, selection of veg/ cheese/ extras/ seasonings on the table and everyone make it their own way.

If they’ll all eat bolognase do that at least once a week then what about chilli and rice? With eg grated cheese, corn on the cob, tortilla chips and some guacamole or sour cream dip on the side. The ones who won’t eat the rice can just have it with some tortilla chips or the corn or on its own. The ones who won’t eat the chilli can have the rice with some cheese and salad or whatever combination they will eat. Up to you if you want to insist on trying X spoonfuls of everything or just go for the easy life.

Also - make double bolognase and have it again the next day, at least you’re cutting the stress down a bit!

Never an issue with me - I cooked one meal, everyone ate it. Ok so DS1 didn't like mushrooms; tough! I put mushrooms in the meal & he could pick them out -if he could find them as, in most cases, they were cut up rather small so ate them anyway LOL! DS2 went through a stage of saying he didn't like sweetcorn - so pick them out & don't eat them. I never offered an alternative meal so they ate what they were given.

I wouldn’t ever serve a plate that didn't have anything they’d eat on it. But I never make two versions of a meal. I’ll offer reasonable choices eg today with dinner we had carrots, peas, and sweetcorn. I’m fine with DD1 not liking sweetcorn and just having peas and carrots. DD2 whinges a bit when I make chilli because she doesn’t like kidney beans - whatever, she can pick them out, I’m not making something else.
I do home made fish cakes that DD1 doesn’t like - but she eats salmon, and she eats potato, so I don’t have much interest in her fussing about eating them squished together in a fish cake and fried in breadcrumbs. She picks at that and just eats the veg or baked beans I serve with it. If she hated fish, I’d have more sympathy and probably wouldn’t serve them.

Admittedly, I don’t have horrendously fussy children, and they’re only 6 & 3. But basically I serve what I serve, and I never force them eat what they don’t want.

So I think part of my problem is , they are all funny about what they eat.
The eldest has ADHD and his anger/lack of patience outways any common sense when doing tasks that require sustained effort.
but yes I should get them all involved. Clubs get in the way of that sometimes. But we could maybe do one day a week where someone chooses what to cook and actually cook it

It doesn’t help that I’m a shite cook 🤣

Buy a BIG tray of mixed pot noodles each week and let the little blighters pick what flavour they want.
Scuffles may break out, but that can just add to the fun - especially with a kettle of boiling water! (In fact why not video it and put it on Instagram? )🤭

We make one meal and the party line is “you don’t have to eat it, but this is dinner, if you don’t want it I’ll get you bread and butter and fruit”. However the caveat is that they’re both fairly good eaters so 80% of the time they eat the hot meal provided. I might not be so chill if they didn’t. Most of the time when they don’t like it, they then don’t want bread or fruit either I.e. they’re not hungry rather than not liking it. Both of mine eat much better meals when only boring veg and hummus snacks are provided beforehand! And the second caveat is that we make only kid-friendly meals (mine are younger) so it’s not like I’m expecting them to eat vindaloo. If there’s a new ingredient (e.g. recently introduced salmon after years of refusal by my eldest) then it comes on its own on the plate and the rice and veg are separate so she can just get used to it and can still eat the rest of the meal. Wouldn’t give her salmon pasta all mixed up and expect her to eat it. So, we do “one meal” but with flexibility I guess. But still never ever cook more than one thing!

This.
everything in the middle so they can choose what, and how much of it, they want.
remind everyone that you rotate meals so they will get their favourite one day (and make sure to do a day for you too!). If one of them picks at a a meal then they are clearly not hungry enough for it to matter.

I Cook one meal. It's that or nothing. Actually, when they were younger I allowed a yoghurt and fruit if they'd tried it, not if they refused to try it.

There's 5 of you, if I understood correctly. Make a massive pot of bolognaise to do two nights and the other 5 nights is one person's choice (and they help cook?) You can even make it a game, all together and roll a dice. The first person to get a one chooses the meal for Monday, two for Tuesday etc.

I have this it's fucking annoying. My husband joins in with the fuckery and I end up doing different meals unless it's roast dinner

I make one meal, ask everyone what they fancy and have that one evening, so hopefully everyone gets a choice at some point over the week. They wont ever starve and soon learn that your cooking one meal for everyone. I work all day, there's no way i'd cook multiple meals... adulting is difficult enough.

I do make exceptions if one person genuinely dislikes something, but the rest of us eat that food.

I taught them all to prepare food from tiny like 3 onwards.
They started to cook from standing on a chair age.
From 10 everyone cooked once a week and it needed to be different every week.
I have one that has food issues and she prepared things she could eat.
Otherwise I would cook a large pot of plain pasta on Sunday evening and they could have that plain if they didn’t want what the main meal was. They still helped cook everything, laid the table and cleaned up. No exceptions. They need to understand that it’s a shag to do.

🤯🤯🤯🤯oh me no wonder they're twisting your melon.
I did laugh at the burger but only on certain day.
Poor you.

I cook 1 meal for everyone. But I also cook something from my Autistic children's safe foods list. Some days they will try the meal cooked other days they will just eat their safe food.

The only accommodations I make are potatoes (happy to roast and mash) and also pasta and rice (happy to do both)
When we menu plan each week we all choose a meal so know we are definitely getting something we really enjoy.
oh and we try a new meal every week that everybody has to try.
Things like kidney beans - 2 of my dc hate them so if I am making a chilli I pull their portions out first or if I forget they pick them out and I am fine with that

I'm definitely going against the norm here but I regularly cook different meals (though not overly complicated things). I absolutely hate not feeling in control of what I'm eating and I'm quite specific about what I like, my child is autistic and is also particular about what they like, and my partner also likes different things to us both. I just don't like the idea of putting food out that people don't like. Also our kitchen isn't big enough for everyone to be in there making their own at the same time. I don't cook every day though, some times we are all in at different times and then they do make their own.

Food is not a battle in our house. I cook what I want, but the alternatives on offer are a cheese or peanut butter sandwich or a couple of Weetabix with milk. I wouldn't cook 2 meals, no, but neither would I upset my DC over food. Children with food issues who are happy, supported and heard are more likely to try new foods.

My ds15 (autistic) literally only ate pasta until the age of 8. Just pasta with tomato sauce (ketchup) 🤮 We had pasta so much my dd now cannot bear it so I don’t force her. Ds15 will now eat anything

I think in your situation I would call a family meeting (probably not after a meal when I'm feeling frustrated).

I would explain the facts about who likes what and who will and won't eat what. Calm statements. No judgements, just facts.

I would explain my perspective: I am your mum, and I want you to eat a healthy diet, but at the same time I am exhausted trying to accommodate everyone's preferences and I simply can't keep it up.

And I would invite everyone to help me come up with a meal plan that involves a bit of compromise on all parts and we'd try that for a week.

This.

Ours understood that it was what was provided or go hungry!

Never an issue really.

All brought up vegetarian and one rebelled and briefly went vegan - which we coped with and saw as different to not liking something. Didn’t last long as she missed cheese! (Vegan cheese was similar to salty rubber back then)

All 3 adults now. 2 vegan, 1 vegetarian.

I think this is a good idea. I also would like to know what I’m cooking each day, so that I can meal prep and actually buy things more cost effectively if that makes sense

The phrase in this house is ‘it’s not a restaurant’! Both kids have been picky in the past. Oldest will now eat pretty much anything, youngest still won’t but I still keep serving a variety of stuff and he’s starting to try things. We’ve had many tantrums but it’s slowly improving. He had a tantrum about bean sprouts the other night as I’d made ramen (which is ridiculously easy) - after fifteen minutes of tantrum he tried one and decided he loved them. I find it’s more the thought of it than the actual food that’s the problem, so I just keep serving it and slowly they’ve both started to eat it.

UABU - parent your children.

Signed, all a children that sat at the table until plates were clean, and 3rd world kids. Jesus.

F