Sleep deprivation and work

[189SleepyMum]

I have a 12 month old and I work full time. Went back to work at 8 months. It was horrible, he was teething the whole time but i powered through as i thought it was temporary.

He had a brief stint of sleeping through the night, 11 hours, from 10.5 to 11.5 months. These last 2 weeks though he started sleeping badly again. The last 2 nights were particularly bad. He woke up every 90 minutes. And the nights before he woke 2-3 times and I got maybe 4 hours of sleep each night.

I'm at work and honestly incapable of doing anything other than simple admin. I've been staring at the screen all day. My brain just won't work. I want to cry. And I soon have to go home and parent a very energetic toddler for the next 3 hours. I just want to collapse.

How do you all do it? This is a part of parenting I was not expecting. I mean yeah babies don't sleep. But I really thought by 12 months we'd sleep again. At least some 6 hour chunks.

Going to bed early isn't helping, he woke up and cried at 9.30 pm, 11pm, 12.30, 2am, 4am and up for the day at 5.30 am.

Calpol made no difference.

He eats a TON of food. Everyone comments on how much food he eats. He's also walking ALL THE TIME, he's definitely burning energy. He does not seem to be teething.

Sleep training is not in any way cruel. It doesn’t have to involve leaving them to cry . Not sleep training can be cruel as babies and parents need good quality sleep.

Co-sleeping? He’s big enough to do it safely in your bed.

My DC2 was the exact same even down to the sleeping through for a month ISH. They started nursery a month after sleeping through and promptly started waking constantly. It was HELL. DH and I were both going to work regularly on like 4hrs of broken sleep. BUT they did finally go back to sleeping through consistently (apart from illnesses, teething etc) around 16 months. We didn't 'do' anything, so I hope that gives you some hope.

We lived in a shitty two bedroom flat with very thin walls. Only option was for the one whose turn it was to sleep in the furthest room away from kiddos bedroom in our case the living room. We bought a z bed and had it folded in the corner during the day or just slept on the sofa . You couldn't sleep in the next room because the screaming was still audible with ear plugs. The one on duty had the bed (we could share wih my lad because any movement would set him off) and would wander from bedroom to bedroom at night. I couldn't worry about neighbours there is nothing I could do.It was he only way we could get through if I couldn't hear the screaming and knew he was safe with his dad.

Sorry you are going through this it's absolute torture sleep deprivation and trying to work. I contemplated going part time or quitting it was so bad but we just couldn't afford it.

Our ds now 2.5 was a terrible sleeper. No idea how I got through at work, I know I napped at lunch in car or at home and cried a lot at silly things.

We had a short stint of co sleeping, think he was having nightmares he'd scream and thrash about but eyes stayed closed and it's true he settled faster in our bed, we took it in turns one would sleep elsewhere sofa or spare room. It still was a lot even taking turns.

We reduced screen time IE TV after nursery, I think full time nursery was too much for our son and he was overstimulated. I used Flexi working to policy him up a bit earlier some days, can't remember if that helped. We mostly go for a walk after dinner, then bath book bed routine, got a Tonie box with a bing character - he loved bing, and got a night star projector for his room. Not sure if any of those worked individually or the combination or maybe he was growing out of it, but we kept that routine and something worked.

Now he's older, I'll hear him restart his Tonie box if he wakes so I think it comforts him. He talks and shouts in his sleep but no panic screams.
Once the night terrors eased, he was still waking at 5am so I was asleep by 9 most nights.

He moved to a toddler bed at 2, and we put a gate on his door as when he woke he thought it was ok to run riot and wake the whole house up.

He stopped waking at 5 am when he dropped his last day naps around 6 months ago, wakes between 6-7 now. He was such a shock compared to my daughter who slept 7-7 from very young.

I hope you find something that helps soon.

I tried co sleeping after so many posts on here suggested it when I was struggling with DS.

It didn’t work for me. He still woke up all the time, kicked me and kept me awake. Funnily enough DD was unsettled on holiday just now and I tried taking her in bed with me but it had the opposite effect to the one I wanted and kept her awake (and me.) eventually I put her back in her own cot and she fell asleep.

Its worth trying but it is often presented as the catch all solution on here and a lot of the time it isn’t; babies still wake up and sometimes you get less sleep with then in bed with you.

If he goes to nursery I would book a day of leave every so often, drop him off, go home and go to bed.

Do you have anywhere you can stay for a night and get a full night’s sleep? Getting some rest will help. Yes it will suck for the other parent but if you are firing on all cylinders you will be able to make decisions.

What's the situation with naps? My eldest was a horrendous sleeper, and I always found when night time deteriorated further it was his naps that needed tweaking.

All 3 of mine did this. Tried to do it differently each time but still ended up delirus. Co-sleeping would my suggestion. Eventually they grow out of it, it seemed to be when they got a full set of teeth.

co-sleeping. DD was a terrible sleeper and it was the only way to get some sleep. She’s 8 now and sleeps through in her own bed. Some children don’t like to be alone.

Bless you, it’s awful. What are his naps like during the day? I found/find when she doesn’t sleep enough during the day she doesn’t fall into a deep sleep at night.

Unfortunately not necessarily true. My baby will often scream like the world is ending, even while being held/comforted. 🤷

What do you do when he wakes up? Are you feeding him or just cuddles or something else? Eg is this more about night weaning?

Paracetamol AND ibuprofen is appropriate when it’s really bad.

If I could get a seat on the tube I would have a mini nap in the morning and evening (going 10 stops on the same line). You will need a proper nap this weekend, both days maybe - probably your DH too. Make sure you go to bed really early on work nights to maximise the sleep you can get before the wakeups start.

I used Andrea Grace for sleep training. At one point I was 8 months pregnant and trying to go to full time work on 3 hours of broken sleep. It was worth every penny and not cruel in any way.

Oh it's just awful isn't it?

My DS didn't sleep through until he was 3, I was working full time and I felt like I was losing my mind. Some days I could have fallen asleep at my desk.

The key for us was getting him toilet trained (unless it was a coincidence) but your little one is too young for this.

It's normal unfortunately. DD only slept through solidly at 6.5 yrs, in the sense of 7-8 hours unbroken sleep for everyone, several weeks at a time. This is what nobody wants to tell you about having kids. With nursery illnesses, potty training, bedwetting, growing pains and bad dreams, there were at least 1-2 night wakings four days a week until age 6. The intervals become smaller, maybe just a few minutes of your time but there will be broken nights for a long time.

Well I think DS sensed we were on our knees and decided to sleep 10.5 hours straight 😂 I feel like a new woman today.

He is allergic to dairy and eggs but he hasn't had any, we cook everything for him from scratch. We don't even have dairy in the house anymore. He wasn't in pain and we did give him both calpol and nurofen a couple of nights and it made no difference. No problem with ears, doc saw him on Tuesday at his vaccinations.

All I can think of is nap adjustment as he seems to be skipping his morning nap sometimes now so naps are all over the place and bedtime has had to be quite early some days.

DS is autistic so we still have sleeping issues and he's 12 now.

Sleep deprivation is absolute torture, and of course it effects your work - I actually fell asleep in a meeting once, I was minuting it as well! Nobody woke me up either.

Coukd it be night terrors? We went through a terrible time with dd2.

This happened to DD with back molars. The HV said that teeth don’t erupt the gums pull back during teething and it’s the constant pulling of gums that keeps making it painful.
She recommended when cleaning their teeth to really go at the gums at the back to see if it can help the molars cut through.

I do feel for you, I went back at 6 months and it’s only due to colleagues keeping the coffee coming I managed to survive.
DH was great but it’s very isolating.
also do double check for ear infections DD had a massive ear infection that became a perforated ear drum on a Saturday that the GP had dismissed on the Thursday.

My eldest was like this, awful sleeper till she was 4. I put on so much weight because I needed sugar and caffeine to get me through the day. No idea what the answer is, but it does eventually get better, and I just reminded myself I got to have more cuddles than the mums who had kids that sleep through. Thankfully my second was a much better sleeper 💐

I sympathise. I can't ever blame my poor sleep on my kids though as they slept brilliantly (own room from day 1). It's me that's the poor sleeper. I get by with lots of coffee unfortunately

Second night in a row of a full sleep and I just glimpsed in his mouth and a molar is totally out. I didn't think he was teething as 1) calpol wasn't making a difference and 2) he was still eating properly. But that explains it now!!

Have him in with you instead then at least you don't get up and you'll go back to sleep quicker

You have to do something about this- I was in he same situation and fell asleep whilst driving to work, getting into a (small) collision with another car. This is about your safety and ability to function. We got a sleep consultant and they solved the problem within 2 sessions just through our descriptions of what was happening.