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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sleep deprivation and work

101 replies

189SleepyMum · 05/09/2025 16:44

I have a 12 month old and I work full time. Went back to work at 8 months. It was horrible, he was teething the whole time but i powered through as i thought it was temporary.

He had a brief stint of sleeping through the night, 11 hours, from 10.5 to 11.5 months. These last 2 weeks though he started sleeping badly again. The last 2 nights were particularly bad. He woke up every 90 minutes. And the nights before he woke 2-3 times and I got maybe 4 hours of sleep each night.

I'm at work and honestly incapable of doing anything other than simple admin. I've been staring at the screen all day. My brain just won't work. I want to cry. And I soon have to go home and parent a very energetic toddler for the next 3 hours. I just want to collapse.

How do you all do it? This is a part of parenting I was not expecting. I mean yeah babies don't sleep. But I really thought by 12 months we'd sleep again. At least some 6 hour chunks.

Going to bed early isn't helping, he woke up and cried at 9.30 pm, 11pm, 12.30, 2am, 4am and up for the day at 5.30 am.

Calpol made no difference.

He eats a TON of food. Everyone comments on how much food he eats. He's also walking ALL THE TIME, he's definitely burning energy. He does not seem to be teething.

OP posts:

Praying4Peace · 05/09/2025 21:58

Hatty65 · 05/09/2025 16:51

Can you have separate rooms temporarily? The one 'on duty' does the night get ups and the one 'off duty' puts earplugs in and gets a full night's sleep, knowing that someone else is dealing with the baby.

Do alternate nights. No point in both of you being exhausted. At least you get every other night to sleep through.

Show quote history

This is what one of my friends did.
Her son did not sleep throughout the night until he was over 2.
I feel for you OP but it will get better

KnickerlessParsons · 05/09/2025 21:59

I used to catnap in the toilets a couple of times a day.

watchuswreckthemic · 05/09/2025 22:06

This might not be helpful right now but my youngest was a terrible sleeper. In my team of 8, at one point 5 of us all had under 1 year olds (I was the only woman). The solidarity- not making it a competition massively helped. Everyone told me it was a sign of intelligence which gave me a shard of comfort!
To confirm now she is an absolutely excellent sleeper and very bright.

HappyMamma2023 · 05/09/2025 22:07

We can have phases when our son wakes multiple times and recently he's woken up screaming and we think he's been having nightmares. It's horrible to hear.
Now I'm back at work FT if we have a night like this we put him in our bed. I co-sleep and my husband sleeps in the spare room. Can you buy a single fold out bed for your partner to sleep on and co-sleep? We also keep music on quietly overnight. Our son likes Kidzen it has very relaxing music and it helps me settle.

ChickalettasGiblets · 05/09/2025 22:11

Solidarity OP, sleep deprivation is the fucking pits and currently going through it with my DC2 who has been a terrible sleeper since birth. We co-sleep (not well I might add cos she still wakes up) and it really helps to at least get some sleep.

It won’t last forever, it’s very hard now but you will get through it

Contemporaneouslyagog · 05/09/2025 22:14

189SleepyMum · 05/09/2025 17:39

Everyone saying take it in turns, do you live in gigantic houses? We live in a normal 2 bed flat in London with shitty thin walls. I wear ear plugs anyway as DS sometimes stirs and I can even hear that. I haven't found an earplug to keep the screaming out, and I have probably bought every single one on the market already.

The point is, if you share the wakings , you don't hear the screaming because your partner is in there already to stop it before it wakes you up

WiltingDaisy · 05/09/2025 22:23

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I have a 13 month old and we have had our struggles with sleep. I highly recommend The Calm Approach to Sleep by Hannah Love - if you can afford to pay for her sleep course then do because her support is amazing. It's sleeping training but a super gentle approach and she is also interested in the child holistically as well. Honestly, give it a go!

Wowwee1234 · 05/09/2025 22:24

189SleepyMum · 05/09/2025 16:51

We did and it worked well and was very quick at 6 months. It all went to shit when he started teething. He was teething constantly from 8-10 months, he got 6 teeth in 8 weeks. Then got hand foot and mouth. Then got the flu. There was not a single day between 8 months and 10.5 months that he was 100% well.

Then he he was suddenly ok and started sleeping, on his own.

This is different. He is SCREAMING when he wakes. He is completely inconsolable. I can't let him cry like that.

Edited

Show quote history

If he is screaming and waking up after previously sleeping well, I think he might have bad trapped wind. You say he is eating a lot. Maybe he isn't getting on with some food stuff that's been introduced. Try a gradual elimination, see if amything helps.

DurinsBane · 05/09/2025 22:59

Could you afford to become a SAHM, or go part time?

Asuitablecat · 05/09/2025 23:40

I remember reading on here that no one is still co sleeping at 12, which made me realise that although it feels like forever, if will end.

Until they're 12 and they have sleepovers and your weekends die...

Nottodaythankyou123 · 06/09/2025 02:37

189SleepyMum · 05/09/2025 16:51

Then he he was suddenly ok and started sleeping, on his own.

This is different. He is SCREAMING when he wakes. He is completely inconsolable. I can't let him cry like that.

Edited

Show quote history

My almost 2 year old is exactly the same. Was a good sleeper until 6 months, then just went to shit. Wakes up inconsolable and there’s just no way I can leave her in that state.

No answers I’m afraid, as I’m equally knackered but we do now have the odd good night so I know she can do it and just need to trust it’ll happen. My eldest started reliably sleeping through at 3 and you eventually just learn to cope.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 06/09/2025 03:15

AperolWhore · 05/09/2025 16:49

Sleep train, sleep train, sleep train. Best thing we ever did and would do it again every time.

Look at the blissful baby sleep expert, she’s a miracle worker!

This

once1caughtafishalive · 06/09/2025 04:37

Ive had the same problem and found a solution! There's many many studies out that say the supplement creatin monohydrate can counteract the cognitive impacts of sleep.

I have the same issue with my little boy - ive been taking 10g daily and honestly my brain is on fire in the daytime and i wouldnt know ive had little sleep. My job is very mathematical and requires deep thinking so I had to find a solution.

Ive also found that doing an exercise class wakes my brain up for the day, I notice a big difference at work on those days

Odellio · 06/09/2025 06:06

We co-slept with DS until 2.5 years old, it was the only way I could survive being back at work. I couldn’t sleep train, so waited until he was ready to understand a conversation about falling asleep independently and sleeping in his bed. He did understand and it worked first night. He’s been sleeping through the night, give or take the odd 1 wake up for a wee and falling asleep independently for 2 months now.

Lots of people had opinions about us co-sleeping and how it would backfire… not sure what they were talking about, it’s worked out just fine.

LGBirmingham · 06/09/2025 06:17

Check for pain. Ear infection? Molars maybe? Ibuprofen is more effective than paracetamol for both of those

Cookiecrumblepie · 06/09/2025 06:25

Cosleep!

Katemax82 · 06/09/2025 06:27

MummaMummaMumma · 05/09/2025 16:47

One of my kids didn't start sleeping through until he started school. It was torture.
I have no help to offer, sorry, just to say you're not alone and you'll get through this x

All of mine were like this

moose62 · 06/09/2025 06:59

We had this for nearly a year. We took alternate nights. Yes, it is difficult but if one of you goes to stay with a relative, close friend, travel lodge or whatever for the night so you get a proper night's sleep...the next night you swap.
You don't have to do this all week. It is surprising how much better you feel with two good nights sleep a week.
Sometimes you just had to ride it out. My DS had constant ear infections and the pressure of lying flat hurt so he would wake up screaming. The GP suggested him sleeping propped up in a baby bouncer when he had an episode. Bizarre but it worked for him. Cranial osteopathy did its work on his ears but it took ages!

Gordon1958 · 06/09/2025 07:00

Can you get Paternity Leave of upto 2 weeks off to deal with baby. Ask employer. You might be able to get 2 weeks followed by husband getting another 2 weeks.

Noname973 · 06/09/2025 07:06

if he is screaming there is something wrong so if you can identify what it is and fix it, it will pass. How many teeth does he have left to cut?

My DS had glue ear from about 9 months and he pretty much screamed all night cos of the pressure in his ears. Have you had his ears checked?

Bumblenums · 06/09/2025 07:15

It's awful OP- mine didn't sleep through till they were 4 and 6 and their dad works nights so it was usually just me- honestly there were some days at work I would come home and not remember what I'd done, my brain just stopped working. I ended up pushing beds together and just sleeping with the kids for a few years as that was the only way I got any sleep. DH spent a lot of time on the sofa. Honestly it was horrific.

Errolwasahero · 06/09/2025 07:33

Second @Julieju1 I have dietary issues, the dc and their dc had them. Discovered because they struggled as you described on weaning. Try lactose free, dairy free and gluten free. It is a possibility and could explain why he’s always hungry too.

HiCandles · 06/09/2025 07:41

Cosleeping is the only answer for us, 2 different children and different stories, but both times it's the only way I can survive. At least I'm lying down dozing even if not fully asleep. And when we started cosleeping with DS at 9 months in desperation, he stopped waking so much. It became obvious he just needed love and support through the night.

Paaseitjes · 06/09/2025 08:00

Mine's only 5 months and I'm only back 2 days (not UK), but for me, coffee (which might explain the not sleeping! ) The baby ends up in our bed when we both need to work the next day. I'm taking on as much admin as possible at work, but that can't go on forever. We only have a tiny flat too. I try to encourage DH to sleep on the air mat in the living room if he has an important meeting, but then he feels like he's abandoning me. Is your son calm-ish in the buggy? Can you send DH to the pub with the buggy and a book from 8-10pm so you get a bit of sleep, then maybe you go for a walk or to a McCafe type place 5-7am?

BernardButlersBra · 06/09/2025 08:50

Nettleskeins · 05/09/2025 21:23

Set up an second adult bed in second bedroom. One of you co sleeps all night in double bed. Honestly it makes such a difference. I think you are probably so tired that even organising a separate bed will seem impossible but it will make a big difference.
It's separation anxiety at that age.
Forget the principle just do what helps you get more sleep. If he is in your bed at least you won't have to get out of bed to comfort him.
If there isn't any improvement you might want to rethink your life in London. Sorry to be brutal but babies bring big changes in everything including life style housing and work/life balance.
A lot of people move for this reason or change their jobs. You only have to look at all the flats with cots in one of two bedrooms on Rightmove. It's a classic time to re-evaluate.

This pretty much. By this point l had been back at work a while, my husband and l would take it in turn to go into settle them from night to night. Even if they were super loud, if it wasn't my night l would pull the duvet over my head and try to ignore them. We have twins and both work full time which is draining enough even with sleep. My mentality was 1 person couldn't derail the other 3 people living in the house

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