Sleep deprivation and work

[189SleepyMum]

I have a 12 month old and I work full time. Went back to work at 8 months. It was horrible, he was teething the whole time but i powered through as i thought it was temporary.

He had a brief stint of sleeping through the night, 11 hours, from 10.5 to 11.5 months. These last 2 weeks though he started sleeping badly again. The last 2 nights were particularly bad. He woke up every 90 minutes. And the nights before he woke 2-3 times and I got maybe 4 hours of sleep each night.

I'm at work and honestly incapable of doing anything other than simple admin. I've been staring at the screen all day. My brain just won't work. I want to cry. And I soon have to go home and parent a very energetic toddler for the next 3 hours. I just want to collapse.

How do you all do it? This is a part of parenting I was not expecting. I mean yeah babies don't sleep. But I really thought by 12 months we'd sleep again. At least some 6 hour chunks.

Going to bed early isn't helping, he woke up and cried at 9.30 pm, 11pm, 12.30, 2am, 4am and up for the day at 5.30 am.

Calpol made no difference.

He eats a TON of food. Everyone comments on how much food he eats. He's also walking ALL THE TIME, he's definitely burning energy. He does not seem to be teething.

Honestly it's really hard to do it all

With our eldest we took it in turns to sleep in with him when he was having bad periods.

With our youngest it's harder as he's still in our room and often in our bed. I will often go for a nap in the car at work (I know you're in London so might not have this option).

Co-sleeping is probably worth a try...if he wakes and knows he's next to you then maybe you can calm the screaming more quickly? Mine used to wake and immediately scream like that too... it's a horrible way to wake up. We co slept until almost 2 to survive. I think they go through a peak of separation anxiety around 12 months which could also be eased by co sleeping.

There is a really good FB group called 'The Beyond Sleep Training Group' they are against sleep training and follow an approach called Possums. If you post your baby's routine in there, they'll give you some advice. At that age my son (now 19 months) had a huge drop in sleep needs and we had to reduce his day naps to allow him to sleep more at night. At 14 months he dropped to one nap and we found he needs to be awake a lot longer before bed to sleep at night

Do you have a grandparent or sister or brother who could take dc for just one night a week to help you?

I would really recommend the snooze nurse on Instagram. I followed her program and go back to it when we have little blips due to illness etc. she takes a really sensible approach and offers short sessions to try and get to the problem with sleep.

Hope you manage to get some sleep soon x

If we didn't cosleep I don't think I'd be here to tell the tale to be honest with you, DS sleep has always been awful. Cosleeping saved us so much hassle.

There were still wakings but it reduced the crying and screaming, and it meant everybody could get back to sleep so much sooner.

Just an idea, has your little one started eating or drinking something new? Our youngest used to wake at night crying and seemed to be in pain. During the day he tucked his fingers constantly and dribbled.
I had an inkling it was due to milk so asked the health visitor, she suggested trying lactose free baby milk. The change after doing this was incredible, no more tears at night except when nursery gave him pancakes or custard, no more finger sucking or dribbling.

It might not be milk but could be something else.
On a practical note, if you are that tired you need to take a day off sick but if you little one normally goes to nursery take him anyway so you can rest.
Hope things improve.

Set up an second adult bed in second bedroom. One of you co sleeps all night in double bed. Honestly it makes such a difference. I think you are probably so tired that even organising a separate bed will seem impossible but it will make a big difference.
It's separation anxiety at that age.
Forget the principle just do what helps you get more sleep. If he is in your bed at least you won't have to get out of bed to comfort him.
If there isn't any improvement you might want to rethink your life in London. Sorry to be brutal but babies bring big changes in everything including life style housing and work/life balance.
A lot of people move for this reason or change their jobs. You only have to look at all the flats with cots in one of two bedrooms on Rightmove. It's a classic time to re-evaluate.

Too much food perhaps it would give a sore stomach. Does he have dummy is it falling out and wakening him. If so bin it.

It’s utterly horrific, I have been through it and understand what you are going through. It does pass, just try to live through it is all I can say x x

It's shit.
I had a non sleeping early riser, followed by a cling on, who, when mobile, came into our bed every night.
I didn't have a full night's sleep for about 7 or 8 years in total. I adapted, but it was fucking awful. I actually think my job (teaching) kind of energised me all day, but to this day, I'm not sure how I drove to and from work. Or kept up with my job.

On the plus side, I feel better in my 40s than I did in my 30s.

Try co-sleeping.

Not ideal but if they sleep then just roll with it. This didnt work for me. My DD would sleep but I couldn't sleep with her in our bed as I dont sleep well.

My DD didn't sleep til aged 3.5 years. I got the health visitor to help in the end. I remember struggling to function which is tough as a teacher!.

Things will get better eventually.

I bedshare and feed to sleep - can you try that?

Sorry haven’t RTFT!

I don't remember ever sleep training my three and they all slept much much better than you describe even if they woke once in the night This sleep training seems to be an obsession on Mumsnet and it doesn't necessarily last through each developmental stage- but daytime sleep equals good night sleep and it sounds like he isnt getting enough at all, for whatever reason and co sleeping will reassure and settle him plus you might want to find out exactly what is happening with his day time naps. Mine slept for two hours in the afternoon at that age, in their cots.

you have my sympathy OP sleep deprivation is the worst.
i have a 3.5 year old, been a very poorly child and had 2 operations etc so we have had plenty of horrible nights with next to no sleep and she still doesn’t sleep through now.
i was hitting rock bottom so we decided to buy a super king bed and decided to co sleep. She did still wake but was more likely to soothe herself as she knew we were there, and i didn’t fully wake up so was a minute maybe of being awake rather than getting out of bed walking to her room etc.
i just decided that she needed comfort, she won’t be this little forever and won’t be in our bed forever. I know it goes against advice and “we’re making a rod for our backs” but honestly we were struggling so much that we had to do what we could to get through it.
she still goes to bed in her cot everynight and always has done, but if she wakes and won’t settle or is waking close together etc we bring her in with us. She also gets out of bed and comes and gets in with us some nights.
in my experience when the nights are bad with waking there is something going on with her, an ear infection brewing or for example last week she was terrible overnight and she’s on antibiotics this week.
my advice is to do what you need to do to get through it, pick your battles, and if that means co sleeping then do it.

I co-slept with DD.. she would start off in her bed but if she woke she would get in to bed with me and DH would go sleep in her room.

Sorry no advice because I was like that.. my son would wake up every 1-2 hrs until he was 19 months old. I just faked it at work and did the bare minimum, and delegated everything. Good luck OP sleep deprivation is brutal (it’s the only reason I am not having another child)

We had phases of this when I returned to work. At this age he was sleeping through occasionally or waking 1-3 times. We had a lot of success with the realization that he didn't need the early bed we were giving him and once we put him down at 8pm things improved. Most babies this age start to need 11-14hrs total with naps. Ours needed 12, so 2hrs of naps meant only a 10hr night. Any more and he would wake a lot. It helped to split the nights as even tho we could both hear him, not having to get up for all of them did help a bit. Weekends we also gave each other a lie in and/or a nap.

sleep deprivation is a killer especially when you trying to balance work and a baby/toddler. We ended up bringing her back into our room, mix of co-sleeping and praying she slept in her cot. Eventually she moved back into her own room around 2.5 but many nights we would wake up to her snuggling up to us in our bed! We also took turn at weekends to sleep in.

She is 22 years old and still a rubbish sleeper, often growing up she would end up in our bed, we got her a double bed at around 9 as I would end up in her bed as she was really to old to sleep in ours.

My second one happily moved into her own room around 6 months old and slept brilliantly.

It will get easier :)

The most important thing with sleep training is you need to know the 24 hour sleep tank and you need to be consistent.
Work out how much sleep your baby has in 24 hours - download a tracking app, record his sleep and by 10 days you should have an average. This then needs to be split between naps and night sleep. Cap the naps to protect the night. Make sure the time awake before bed is long enough to build sleep pressure (4-5 hours). My little boy slept 13 hours at this age - one 30 minute nap, one 1.5 hour nap and then 11 at night.

However you respond to the night wakes needs to be consistent. If he has a dummy, I would get rid of it as it falls out and causes inconsistency.

There is no evidence for age related sleep regressions (apart from 4 months), overtiredness or generic wake windows - there is evidence that too much day sleep and not enough wake time before bed causes frequent night wakings and split nights.

I sleep trained my baby at 8 months, have followed these principles and he still sleeps through at 20 months. When he got his molars we had a few rough nights, we would cuddle him & give medicine and once this kicked in we would put him back in his cot.

Some really just don't seem to sleep and those who have relatively good sleepers or even those they felt were bad but were actually a lot better than the truly bad sleepers have no idea.

I’d like to say it will pass but it took us a decade and an autism assessment before we started to get any sort of sleep support and that was with melatonin. Even then, it doesn’t keep them asleep.

Co sleeping saved me!
it's not for everyone but my ex went into the spare and me and baby in the bed.
everyone was well rested and happy.
when she stirred in the night I just needed to hold her hand and off she went again.

shes now in her own room with no problems.

I had this with my second, we co slept etc I got to the point that I couldn’t function. 2 nights leaving her to settle on her own at the end of my tether she has slept through since

My youngest is now 12, we have 6 kids , 4 have adhd/ autism . Sleep was brutal .
id go to gp , get a sick note for 2 weeks , because you sometimes can’t carry on like this . My mental health took a massive nose dive during the worst bits .
then, once signed off , put baby in your bed . Co sleep, or get a camp bed and have baby next to you ; this is what we did . Our youngest only began sleeping thro around 2 and half years ago . Remember the basics , nappy, dummy ? Warm enough ? Eaten enough ?, and when he / she does wake up, minimal fuss/ verbal interaction .
look at some white noise apps too ?
sending a big hug ; it’s shite !

It’s awful isn’t it. I had twins, went back full time when they were 6 months old and for many nights, at least one of them was awake at all times. Some nights we did not get even one hour of sleep.

You WILL get through and you all will sleep again.