To feel upset at this

[LittleMissPMT]

AIBU to feel like I ruined mine and my partners date day/night?

we took the day off to spend time together as we both work long hours and he gets his DS all weekend so we can’t really do much as a couple.

I teased him about what I was planning for his birthday, I spent around 3 months researching stuff about his favourite game, and there wasn't anything grabbing my attention massively gift wise as I wanted it to be extremely special for him, so I came across an article about quirky air bnbs, I started looking up ones in Scotland and found one called airship 2, it looked really futuristic but rustic at the same time like the aesthetic of his favourite game, so I thought brilliant, a wee night in that he would probably love since it fits the vibe of the game so well.

He eventually got it out of me what it was and he said no, I didn't have an issue with him saying no at all I was just so gutted that I missed the mark with what he would like for his birthday, I didn't want to cry as that's all I've done for the last 2 weeks so I just sat quiet for a wee while in hopes that the lump in my throat would go away so I could chat without sobbing and he thought I was angry at him, so he eventually said “I’ll just stay at my mums tonight, don’t want to be where I’m not wanted”. After he said that I just felt absolutely gutted and upset like I’d ruined the whole purpose of the day/night.

AIBU?

Yes we are what we call a fairytale couple, the kind of stuff you see in movies we didn’t expect to pan out that way we just have a very deep connection with each other

This is a guy-thing. Some guys just aren’t into making the effort like women (and I’m not just talking about with their appearance). Don’t take it personally, he’s not criticising the effort you’ve gone to, he just doesn’t value his own birthday as much as you do.

Why on earth are you in tears because he doesn’t want to go? Just ask him what he wants to do. Geeze!

Yes exactly my thoughts
I mean it's just common decency to let someone whom loves you so dearly, know, why,,, all their efforts were rejected
💚

Yes I don't comprehend why he didn't just compassionately let you know why it wasn't to his liking
The power of honest communication
How else can we learn from mistakes if we're not brought some considerate enlightenments, as to where we've gone wrong!?
In my humblest opinion you deserve much more respect & openness 💚

I think you should've said as soon as he dismissed it that you were disappointed as you had spent so much time researching it. Then he could reassure you that it was a nice gesture and give a legit reason why he wasn't keen on it.

It's a shame he stormed off. That's really immature. But also I think if you calmly explained why you were upset it might not have happened.

Don't dwell on it anyway. Ask him straight what he wants and then just get him that. You haven't ruined anything.

Yes, completely concur with you
Most surely it seems original commenter was 100 percent wishing to give him the utmost very best & yes it's immensely disheartening when our efforts are unappreciated, especially when no reason, has been given, for the refusal -
If all of us outsiders looking in, can sense how much importance, she'd given this, then surely her husband would've sensed this too
There's ways of saying things, so even if her thoughtful idea, isn't his cup of tea, surely he can find the tact & heart to let her down gently 💚

You actually want to be with a “man” who says he will go home to his mummy????

So you live together. He spent over £1k on your birthday treat tho you paid some as well

your treat is £220

you both have good jobs no money issues

yet he says no to this treat and goes to stay night with his mum

sounds a bit weird to me tbh

we took the day off to spend time together as we both work long hours and he gets his DS all weekend so we can’t really do much as a couple

Maybe he wanted to concentrate on your Date Night and not think about his birthday in November
Maybe he will be with his DS for his birthday and hasn't had the chance to tell you this Do you have a relationship with his DS? Maybe his ex wants the two of them (Dad&Son) to spend the birthday together
Maybe his Mum isn;t well (you said he still has a room there ) and he doesn't want to burden you with this as you;ve had a tough couple of weeks with your DS
Maybe he's just Not That Into Birthdays

Or maybe just mis read your close to tears for anger ?

Which isn’t great OP and I’m sorry to hear that but doesn’t have anything to do with crying for two weeks because your boyfriend didn’t want you spending that much money on him for his birthday.

Op whatever happens look after yourself today and for a while, take a breather, you’ve way too much to think about especially given your age x

One thought how were you getting to the hotel in Scotland? Was he driving? It might feel like a task rather than treat.

I'd agree with that.

And also sometimes we can plan something that we think someone will love and it just misses. If he didn't fancy it would you rather spend that money and have him go through it with gritted teeth and pretend he loved it? That's not really about him.

I've been married for 25 years plus now and there still are times when I or dh think we have something wonderful for each other and find the other doesn't like the idea.

Sometimes we agree to go along with it and try it, but if one of us said "I don't think it's worth that sort of money, I'd rather not" we wouldn't take it as an insult or a slight and get upset. We'd say something like, "Sorry, I thought you'd like it; any ideas of what you'd like instead?"
It didn't sound like he was nasty about it, simply saying that you don't think it's worth the money is fair enough.
Dh offered me something last Christmas that I said sounded lovely, but I didn't think I would currently use it enough to justify it. He said he was happy to buy it if I wanted it anyway; I thought about it and said not at the moment because I really won't have time to try it. I know he's tucked the idea away and it may come out again when I have more time; and that's fine. No one got upset.

If you're going to get along as partners you need to communicate but also respect each other's views. You thought he'd love it, he didn't say he wouldn't - simply wasn't worth the money.

Hi I think you misunderstood what I wrote, my son has been very poorly and that’s why I’ve been crying for the last 2 weeks due to near death experience. My boyfriend not wanting his gift wasn’t the reason why I’ve been upset for 2 weeks

His birthday is on weekday, week before and after ds is going to be abroad to visit family in Canada. I have a great relationship with mum and dss. Mum doing good now, I spoke to his mum as we are very close and she said he must be uncomfortable as no one really bothered with him for his birthday until I came on the scene and it used to affect him badly as mum was too sick and dad was just a prick

I drive as his car is in storage

Thank you so much, I spoke to him about my recent emotions and he’s been an absolute sweetheart about it I think I just needed gentle reassurance. I am unsure if I should mention I have ASD

Why are you putting so much pressure on him, crying that you’ll have no one if he leaves you?

Has something happened to trigger this? (Other than your son being ill, which I am sorry about)

Hey Remington, he is not aware of if he left I’d have no one, it’s an embarrassing thing to admit that I’d never tell him.

my wee boy has been the most upsetting thing for me as he’s been so close to death

But if you can’t be honest with him about why you’re crying, he’s not the right one for you.

Also. I get that re your wee boy and I hope he’s doing better now.

Sorry to hear about your son not being well. Honestly the past 2 weeks might just (understandably) have left you feeling a bit fragile and less able to handle the disappointment of getting shut down and then him wanting to leave when you really needed tlc.

Or you wrote it in a way that wasn’t clear? I’m sorry to hear about your son and hope he has come through that awful experience okay.

It was perfectly clear what she meant by what she wrote.