Regarding access and our 11 week old son?

[feelingreallylow]

Me and my partner recently split and he has moved back to the Midlands which is 200 miles away from where his son is with me.

I have contacted him and said he is welcome to have every weekend access to our son if he likes.

He has replied saying I am not being amicable and that it is impractical.

He wants to have our son for a week 'or so' over Fathers Day and his Birthday.

I really am not happy with this as I don't believe he will bring him back.

I am lookin for advice really about whether I am being unfair or not.

The fact that he is suggesting this in the first place demonstrates that he knows very little about the needs of babies.

Please get some legal advice.

Get legal advice ASAP. TBH I doubt he actually wants to have a little baby to look after for a week, he is more interested in upsetting and punishing you. But once you know your legal position, you can tell him to stop being a dick.

Hi,

His name is on the birth certificate so he has PR.

No I am not breastfeeding.

I have told him that I am not willing to let our son go to the Midlands.

I just wasn't sure if I was being unfair.

I have posted already about the situation regarding my ex, when we fell out his mum told a police woman I neglect our son. He stood there and didn't say a word.

That is my other fear that he takes him to the Midlands and then says I can't have him back because I am 'neglecting' him.

Agree with everyone here that YANBU - in fact you are being very reasonable to offer him every weekend.

And unfortunately if he is living at his mum and dad's there will be 3 of them to look after the baby so I don't even think it matters if he realises or not how hard it is.

If he has threatened to take your son even in anger or as an off the cuff remark I wouldn't be letting him take him ANYWHERE without you. If you are not married he has NO rights at all over his son - sad for him but true. I would be doing as Freckle suggests and offering him what you think is reasonable in writing and keeping a copy. And getting legal advice. The copy is for legal resons but also so that in the future you can prove to your son that you didn't try to keep his dad away in case your exp tries to pull this one.

I also think the 'or so' bit of the 'week or so' is unreasonable - if he is taking your son away without you whether it is for an hour or a week you both need to know exactly when that ends so that you can organise your lives apart from anything else.

He is being a twat. Stand your ground.

So does that mean he can take our son for a week at a time?

Just say no! He'll have to take you to court to force you to do anything, and no court would award a week's uninterupted access to an 11 week old baby. It could be disasterous for the bond you have with your baby, don't do it.

No it doesn't mean that FRL

Thanks everyone you have put my mind at rest somewhat.

I have already been in contact with a solicitor who is sending him a letter asking what he wishes to do regarding access.

All this has come after about him having our son for a week.

He hasn't received a letter yet from my solicitor but I am going to stand my ground and tell him no.

an 11 week old needs to stay with his main carer, full time. if you are breastfeeding, it is physically impossible for him to be taken away for a week
ignore your ex. he is being a twunt, to put it kindly

The 1 other thing I also was thinking is that my ex wanted regular 7 day access to our son then if he works it will be his mum and dad looking after him, surely that's not right either is it?

I think thats a separate point - personally I think what he does with his son when he is looking after him is his business - as long as he has his best interests at heart of course. Presumably you may need to work at some point in the future or get help looking after him from friends and family and this is totally reasonable too.

I wouldn't worry about this at the moment though - I would concentrate on making sure you get issues about access sorted out to your satisfaction and that this DOESN'T include any 7 week visits!

I can't believe the sexism in this thread. Doesn't it take two people to make a baby. Why should the mother have the final say about what can/can't happen with the arrangements.

At 11 weeks? No way. Far too young to be away from his mum for that length of time.

Journey... i think the mother has the right because the father has threatened to take the child away... id say that was a very good reason to say no to access.....

Quite agree re: the issue being the primary caregiver, not mother v. father. DH and I are unusual in that, because he is too ill to work, when ds was 11 weeks old we were very much joint primary caregivers, and it would have been completely unreasonable for either of us to be away from ds for such a long period of time. I know for a fact I couldn't have done it; when ds was not much younger than this I went to a board meeting of the management commmittee for our estate and nearly freaked out at being away from him for two hours, whilst he was cared for by his dad DH still can't cope with much time apart from ds whereas I have had to get used to going back to work, at least.

I take it your ex did not have a job locally if he could quickly move back to his parents' place? Just trying to imagine the logistics, really.