To think not all women are “natural mothers” and some regret it but can’t say out loud?

[ThatWrySeal]

We’re told motherhood is the most natural, fulfilling thing. But AIBU to think some women regret it deeply, they just can’t say it without being vilified?

There are plenty of people who regret parenthood. Typically, people who love their child/ren and care for them well but know if they could go back in time they would have been childfree instead. My own mother was one of them.

It's such a social taboo to acknowledge this, I feel that it sadly makes regretful parents feel enormously guilty for their feelings, and it also leads to stupid asinine comments like 'you never regret having a child, go for it' when someone is on the fence. I've even heard 'you never regret the child you have, just the one you don't'.

Imagine a hundred people signing up to a job where their body is taken over for nearly a year, they go through an incredibly risky and excruciatingly painful medical procedure, then have to care 24/7 for someone volatile while actively bleeding and in pain. They never quite know if or when they'll be able to sleep or how much. It costs them tens of thousands of pounds per year to do this job. Their physical health may have longterm issues, their mental health too, their relationships may change beyond recognition. And they are 'on' 24/7 for a couple of decades. Now imagine saying that 100% of those people love it and wouldn't change a thing. That would be bonkers!

And I very much love being a parent and am so thrilled and still feel so lucky I was lucky enough to do this. But it's not hard to see why so many people don't feel that way.

I also think that in some cases, people that regret parenthood bite off more than they can chew. I know so many families that run headlong into a second even if they're barely coping with the first, and then have really exhausted their limits and are miserable. I hope it becomes more socially normal and acceptable to decide on one child rather than being endlessly quizzed about when you're having more. I think it would be healthier for people after their first child to take stock of how it's going and what life might be like with two rather than just go for another because it's the norm.

We are so, SO lucky in this day and age and location to be able to choose if, when, and how many kids. It is awful that in some places women still have no choice over how many children they have. The pill is an incredible invention. I know quite a few older women of my mum's generation who would dearly have loved a childfree life but it was the done thing to get married late teens/early twenties and unthinkable to not start having children. By the time they knew who they were and what they wanted, they had kids.

The delay in having kids is fantastic. When you wait until your thirties you've had enough time to see what the world has to offer, explore, get to know yourself and what you want, and can make a decision with all of the facts at hand. Not in any way saying there aren't people who happily have kids younger and do a brilliant job but it's a bit more of a risk imo to have them earlier.

I am not a natural mother (neither was my mother) although unlike her I did try as much as I could and DH was good d at playing with them and bedtime stories etc.
It is only now I see my DD and DDIL with their DCs (my DGCs) and they make it look as if they are making no effort.

This is me. I was not at all enamoured by ages 1-3. From 4 onwards it became better, but I have absolutely loved the tween/teenage years.

Yeah Im not keen but its done now so got to crack on.

I’ve known woman with absolutely no maternal instinct or want for children to unexpectedly fall pregnant and become the best mums. I know some woman who have always wanted to be mums to end up wishing they could go back in time and not get pregnant.

I think you're wrong because I think what makes motherhood difficult is a bad partner and the stress of balancing work and parenthood. Oftentimes, it's both, and it's a living hell that they become trapped in and they are only trapped because they love their children greatly. If we are able to parent without trying to also be at work full-time and without a grown man making everything worse then it's very often a completely different story.