Grandparents not visiting but besotted with grandchild

[Tooearlyformincepies]

I moved to the UK about 14 years ago with the plan to move back home eventually (a country in central Europe)
Despite lots of effort from our side, this hasn't happened (my husband almost lost his job in the UK when a job over there fell through at the last minute)
I feel very guilty for living far away and consequently visit my mum and dad over there regularly - about every 3 months at the least , it's a 2 hour flight. My husband has always been very understanding and supportive and our son (5) loves to go.
The problem is that my parents, (77 and 70- but thankfully absolutely fighting fit!) are very reluctant to visit. They visit once a year at the very most. My mum does get slightly nervous about the travelling but at the same time they go to Italy, Croatia etc on big bus/ car journeys every year and to be honest I'm starting to get irritated about this - they constantly say how much they miss the grandchild but are so hesitant to visit?
AIBU to think they really could visit more?

Maybe they just don’t like the UK?

The always say they really like it🤷‍♀️

Tbh even if they are fighting fit, as you put it I think you may be underestimating the stress/toll of travel at that age.

The reason why bus holidays are often so popular with people your parents age is because you get to sit back, relax and get taken to the places on the tour with minimal effort.

No lugging suitcases through airports or arranging transfers etc etc.

I think with the elder parent at 77 an annual visit is pretty respectable if I’m honest.

Is it in their culture to say something positive because it’s expected that grandparents want to visit grandchildren even if they don’t really mean it?

Does their country broadcast news stories about the UK in a negative light?

I'm not sure I understand your reply correctly....but no, they love to see the GC- when we are there they insist at looking after him all day, they couldn't be more involved or closer...and they genuinely like the UK, I really don't think this is the issue

Not so sure about that.. depends on their health. My df is 94 and flying to Miami to see his grandchildren.

I'd visit my child and grandchild in the middle of Afghanistan if I had to... not liking the UK is not a good excuse.

We've noticed both our sets of parents have stopped flying in their late 70s. Both are outwardly well but things can easily get a bit complicated medically at that age. They could have had health events, price of insurance has gone insane, etc or just got scared of being taken ill in a foreign country. Someone who's "fighting fit" and walks miles every week can still have a DVT on a flight.

You know the way you don't really understand how relentless small babies are until you have one? I reckon until we get into our 70s ourselves we have no earthly idea how it feels, and we should be wary of judging too quickly what we can't possibly understand. Also it is going to feel different to different individuals - just because my friend's Aunty Mabel was comfortable still flying at 85, doesn't mean my 73 year old Uncle Pete can, let alone should.

OP how long do they visit for when they come to the UK. If the stress of travel is too much to keep going back and forth perhaps it would be a good idea to get a air bnb for a month nearby you.

I can understand why you feel upset OP, I would too.
Could you bring this up with them casually?

If you are visiting four times a year and they visit once a year that is quite a lot especially if the visits are a week or so duration.

Yeah exactly! I'm so happy that they are till so well (touch wood it'll continue!) and my dad drives 6 hours to a destination so to be honest I don't think a 2 hour flight is the issue

Yeah that would be great but they would never ever stay for that length of time. I'd love them to buy they just wouldn't ever consider doing that.

Do you mean that they probably have enough of us once we're gone?

That's an interesting perspective and quite thoughtful. Thank you - this kind of makes sense!

Maybe it’s flying they find stressful rather than their coach trips? And perhaps getting a coach to the Uk, with a ferry etc (do coaches ever take the tunnel?), all seems to much?

I reckon it's the flying that's an issue. My parents are relatively healthy, a few years older than yours, but they wouldn't be flying now.

My parents (who live in the UK but not nearby, in their 70s) have usually had enough of us for a while if we stay as long as a week! They don’t like to say so though.

They prefer us in short doses 😂

No I just meant that it's probably more time than most grandparents spend with their grandchildren if they live some distance away. Maybe if you cut back on your visits they might visit you more.

My husband hates the faff of flying he'd rather drive are they the same?

Yeah a coach trip to the UK is absolutely out of the question! Way too far for them. I understand that people find flying stressful but it's 2 hours at the most and me and my DS do it all the time, it's also stressful with a small child....

I genuinely think sometimes I'll move back just to take the stress out of it!

As @breadinCaptivitymentions driving to another country and being in control of the journey as we get older makes all the difference to getting a flight .
I believe you will appreciate this as you get older. I also think you are lucky to have parents who come and visit you once a year. Don’t be to hard on them, they know there limitations.

My MIL is always on about how much she loves our child and asking for pics etc and rarely sees her. Lives 10 min away! Always really busy and going away! Do they have a lot of hobbies and other holidays that maybe mean they don't have the time (although it seems ridiculous)

Fair enough. I genuinely find bus travel more stressful than flying..maybe I just didn't realise that older people find flying stressful!