DH and I share two young children, he also has two older children who are 11 & 14.
In February of this year their mum had a breakdown and they had to come and live with us. She has been pretty unwell since and so they have continued to live with us full time, seeing their mum the occasional weekend, never overnight .
The children are great but I am starting to feel really resentful of the situation for a few reasons.
Firstly, DH is still paying their mum maintenance despite them not having lived with her for over 6 months (and not doing so again any time soon). We are not poor but we are not wealthy either so this isn't money we don't miss. He says he doesn't want to make life even more difficult for their mum (she is not working and also has other children) which I understand but I think it's time it stops and that money is our towards our family.
Secondly, I feel like there is just an expectation that I will cover additional costs 50:50 with DH and, perhaps wrongly I concede, it irks me. He has not offered anything more than his half to anything, food shopping, take aways, day trips, treats etc.. it's just assumed that I'll pay half like we did before (we have separate finances). This was ok before when DSC were here less frequently but now it's as though I'm just expected to absorb £££ extra a month to cover his DC being here.
We earn practically the same so it's not that I am the main bread winner. I don't know how to fully explain it because if he offered I'd probably say it was fine and I'd pay half but it's the assumption.
Lots of our costs have nearly doubled and the assumption is we can just go halves, while he's also still paying his ex to not look after their DC too?
I feel like I am being taken for granted and walked over and I am starting to really resent the whole situation. Aibu and aibu to tell DH this and say the maintenance should stop now or if not he will have to make up the shortfall for our extra bills himself.