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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do 'blood relatives' Trump all when it comes to wills?

59 replies

Inbetweenie993 · 01/09/2025 22:42

High class problem, but would really appreciate some different views.
I have inherited about £250k
I will either use it to buy somewhere (currently in rented) or sit on it and enjoy the interest, hoping I have enough to have a good care home when push comes to shove. No-one will be around to look after me. On my own there.
Thinking about my will

Siblings all older, and don't need the money and I should outlive them. 5 neices & nephews. 2 haven't seen or spoken to for around 10 years. 3 others are currently in my will. None of them bother with me, and to be honest, I don't really like them!

WWYD? Have pets I would want looking after. Live in a lovely place with fabulous neighbours. Very involved in community & village Hall.
Thinking sod convention! If there's anything left from my care when I'm old, leave it all to the community in some way, and hope for a memorial bench!

WWYD? AIBU?

YABU - Leave anything left to family

YANBU - Leave it to the community that helps you?

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 01/09/2025 22:44

Community, all the way, given your situation

Noshadowsinthedark · 01/09/2025 22:46

It’s your money to leave however you want.

Leaving it to the community sounds lovely.

Mother0fTheBride · 01/09/2025 22:49

Definitely not family. Not deserved !!

PeonyBulb · 01/09/2025 23:06

Who left you the money @Inbetweenie993

I’d just leave it to the 3 that are already in your will

They’ll be grateful to have a helping hand in life

Itstheshowgirl · 01/09/2025 23:11

Why are there three people that you don’t like in your will anyway? If they don’t bother with you then they obviously don’t like you either plus sounds like their parents are well off so they won’t be arsed whether you leave them anything or not.

Spend as much as you can, enjoy the money and then anything that’s left leave to the community or whoever else takes your fancy.

Listinggracefully · 01/09/2025 23:15

Personally I don’t think you have a responsibility to leave it to family. I have aunts and uncles that I haven’t seen in years (no falling out, we’re just not a close family), and it hasn’t occurred to me that I might be left anything in their wills.

titchy · 01/09/2025 23:15

Community! But aim to spend the lot on what makes you happy, and if anything left maybe leave a large proportion to charity/community and a token amount for each niece/nephew.

Original poster
Inbetweenie993 · 01/09/2025 23:19

The 3 i don't like are in my will because they are blood relatives.

The money was left to me by another (childless) sibling of mine. They didn't bother to keep in touch with them either.....

OP posts:
LemondrizzleShark · 01/09/2025 23:23

Listinggracefully · 01/09/2025 23:15

Personally I don’t think you have a responsibility to leave it to family. I have aunts and uncles that I haven’t seen in years (no falling out, we’re just not a close family), and it hasn’t occurred to me that I might be left anything in their wills.

Same - I’d be genuinely surprised (and feel a little guilty) if my or DH’s aunts or uncles left either of us anything. If OP’s nieces and nephews aren’t close, it would be supremely grabby of them to expect anything.

Give it to your friends or the community OP!

toomuchfaff · 01/09/2025 23:28

Spend it, spend it all and what you don't spend, leave it to the community you love and that loved you

InterestedDad37 · 01/09/2025 23:33

Ah, you must be my long lost aunt inbetweenie 👋 😀

WhatAboutTheOtherOne · 01/09/2025 23:35

I think you should spend it how you want. It be better if you spent it on yourself though.

Ellmau · 01/09/2025 23:39

It's entirely up to you.

myplace · 01/09/2025 23:51

Ethically, there is something to be said for money gained from family to be passed to family. If grandparents leave money to dc, they generally anticipate it will benefit their gdc as well.

It’s a bit different with siblings though. How did the sib get the money they have left to you, and did they leave equal shares to the sib with dc? If so, that’s the money your niblings would have some reasonable expectation for.

I feel for dc who have been bypassed by family inheritance for whatever reason. My MiL is still upset that her aunty’s money was left to a sibling who then left it to a friend. Mil had been told it would come to her.

That said, cinnamon trust sounds like a charity you’d like to support, and giving to the community supports all dc, not just those with wealthy relatives.

PeonyBulb · 02/09/2025 00:01

Personally if I didn’t have DC to leave it to I’d buy a house, rent it out and go on loads of interesting holidays and if my rented house ever fell through like the one you currently love then you have somewhere to move into at least.

Even if I were to fall out with my DC I’d still split my assets between them.

nomas · 02/09/2025 01:03

myplace · 01/09/2025 23:51

Ethically, there is something to be said for money gained from family to be passed to family. If grandparents leave money to dc, they generally anticipate it will benefit their gdc as well.

It’s a bit different with siblings though. How did the sib get the money they have left to you, and did they leave equal shares to the sib with dc? If so, that’s the money your niblings would have some reasonable expectation for.

I feel for dc who have been bypassed by family inheritance for whatever reason. My MiL is still upset that her aunty’s money was left to a sibling who then left it to a friend. Mil had been told it would come to her.

That said, cinnamon trust sounds like a charity you’d like to support, and giving to the community supports all dc, not just those with wealthy relatives.

Presumably your MIL was close to her aunt?

None of OP’s siblings children bother with her, so she can easily bypass them and give to her community.

myplace · 02/09/2025 07:10

Dry true, @nomas . In MiL’s case the second aunt disapproved of her for various somewhat judgemental reasons. Partly for being poor, ironically.

SALaw · 02/09/2025 07:30

I’d leave the money to whomever I wanted. However, I would definitely not continue to rent and leave the money in an account for a care home. The care home might never be needed. Use that money to live a comfortable and good life now. If you buy a property it can later be sold for the care home.

Cabinqueen · 02/09/2025 07:34

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 01/09/2025 22:44

Community, all the way, given your situation

This, absolutely this....

Get a solicitor to draw one up for you and relax. Blood doesn't trump a watertight Will.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 02/09/2025 07:40

I think community sounds lovely. I’d consider whether it’s something you feel you could start up before you die and then leave a legacy too an established community interest group. Locally we have lots of lovely things thst have been funded by folk. There’s a community orchard which is volunteer run and anyone can come and pick apples, pears, plums and berries. A growing project where you sign up for a small fee and give your time in exchange for veg. Community gardens, picnic tables, benches. I think it adds a lot to local community.

dagoo · 02/09/2025 07:49

Spend it. Then leave it to whichever community group you like

Itstheshowgirl · 02/09/2025 08:44

Inbetweenie993 · 01/09/2025 23:19

The 3 i don't like are in my will because they are blood relatives.

The money was left to me by another (childless) sibling of mine. They didn't bother to keep in touch with them either.....

But you say you don’t like them so why are you bothered if they keep in touch? I had an Aunt who clearly didn’t like me so I obviously didn’t bother my backside to see her once my parents stopped forcing it on me.

I have loads of cousins, nieces and nephews and other ‘blood’ relatives, hardly see any of them and wouldn’t expect a penny from any of them either.

KaySam · 02/09/2025 08:48

I’d leave it to either people I actually liked and had regular contact with,or a local community group.
just because so,some is a blood relative if doesn’t mean you need to leave them your money.

DaisyChain505 · 02/09/2025 08:50

I wouldn’t leave money to anyone who wasn’t an active person in my life and who I actually liked. If I were you I’d spend the money on myself. Live where you want to live, go on the holidays you want to go on.

TaupeMember · 02/09/2025 08:50

Im in the minority here!

Blood relatives all the way. Loyalty to those that came before maybe.

Just because you dont stay in contact with all aunts/ uncles etc doesn't mean there isn't that family bond there, or that they're bad people.

My aunts and uncles have never made an effort to stay in contact with me or my siblings as we got older. Doesn't make them bad people either.