Do 'blood relatives' Trump all when it comes to wills?

[Inbetweenie993]

High class problem, but would really appreciate some different views.
I have inherited about £250k
I will either use it to buy somewhere (currently in rented) or sit on it and enjoy the interest, hoping I have enough to have a good care home when push comes to shove. No-one will be around to look after me. On my own there.
Thinking about my will

Siblings all older, and don't need the money and I should outlive them. 5 neices & nephews. 2 haven't seen or spoken to for around 10 years. 3 others are currently in my will. None of them bother with me, and to be honest, I don't really like them!

WWYD? Have pets I would want looking after. Live in a lovely place with fabulous neighbours. Very involved in community & village Hall.
Thinking sod convention! If there's anything left from my care when I'm old, leave it all to the community in some way, and hope for a memorial bench!

WWYD? AIBU?

YABU - Leave anything left to family

YANBU - Leave it to the community that helps you?

Totally your choice but I’d always go for blood relatives. Personal values but my siblings and I benefit from family help and feel the need to pass it on.

It can also be a mix, not 0 or 1.

A friend of mine was recently executor to the will of a childless friend.
With the exception of a couple of (small) bequests, all money was left to charities with siblings, nephews, nieces etc left nothing as they had ignored their relative for many years.
The charities received very significant sums.

It is your will, you can do with your estate as you see fit.

Charity and community all the way - if more people did this we’d have a far more equitable society 🥰. And a plaque to remember us by 😜

Blood relatives 100%. For me it’s not really about whether you like them, it’s about passing what you received down through the family. You got it because you were family, after all. This is particularly important when a family asset (eg property) has been sold. Doesn’t seem right to just fritter it away. Family should look after each other.

I couldn’t not leave it to blood relations. I’m hoping that all of my children will still talk to me near the time but even if they didn’t.
They didn’t ask to be brought into the world so I feel as though I should cushion them a little bit no matter what
That’s unconditional love. And and how family should be.
How would you feel if the community pissed it all up the wall because they’re very good at that?

Family might contest the will, you should leave a letter with the will to say you are specifically not leaving anything to them and possibly why. So they can't say it was just an over sight that they were not in your will. A solicitor would tell you how to best do that, it might be an attachment to the will and might need witnessing with the will.

It looks like op got the inheritance not just because she was blood but because she was a decent person as other relatives didn't receive anything. Also to your last point, her family isn't looking after her so why should she look after them?

Op spend it to make your life as comfortable, fulfilling and healthy now.

Then whatever is left can go to looking after the things that enrich your life now ie your animals and community.

You should put whoever you want in your will it doesn't have to be a blood relative at all.

YANBU

But… if you can buy a place still within your lovely community, I would do so.

It will save you rent, which may enable you to save, and usually leaves you much better off in retirement, and the property can be sold should you need to go into residential care.

And actually it is only a minority of people who go into care homes. Only 16% of over 85yos are in care homes.

Yeah I just don’t think families should look only look after people they like, or only pass on an inheritance to someone who they approve of. Unless there is a clear risk of an inheritance being misused (eg by someone with a gambling addiction), my view is that family assets should be fairly distributed to the next generation.

I'd only give money to people when I die, that I'd be happy to give to whilst alive. Sounds like right now you'd choose your community.

I would leave it to a friend or work colleague who would not expect it at all but would be a huge fab surprise.

Spend it while you can and leave the rest to whoever you want. An aunt of mine died recently and left some to all her nieces and nephews (we are all lovely!) but more to those she saw regularly. Honestly I would not leave to blood relatives you don’t like or see regularly. What about the cats/dogs home. Other local charity? A bequest to a friend or neighbour who agrees to take your pet on.

I'd definitely buy somewhere, small, manageable, somewhere you could live well into your later years.
Enjoy whats left, and do what a PP mentioned, leave it to a friend who would not expect it rather than family who have an expectation.

You have no obligation at all to leave money to relatives who don't bother with you. Don't dwell on this too much, live life to the full and don't worry about what will happen after you are gone. I think I would leave a lump sum for the care of my pets (done as a gift of £1000 to X charity on condition that they find a new "forever" home for (named pets) plus an amount of (£1500 per pet per year of expected reasonable remaining life) to be kept in trust to be used for the pet's ongoing care and medical needs. Then any remainder after that left to whichever community organisation is closest to your heart with a request that whatever they use it for should have a memorial plaque with your name and dates on it.

Get this written down, then forget about it and enjoy life. People who dwell on and regularly talk about what will happen to their money after they die tend not to be very healthy in their brain.

Id spend happily as much as you wanted , leave a donation to charity or community and leave rest to family

Gosh, what an awful thing to do.

No wonder societies fucked

Rather than this, which might come across as spiteful, you can leave each surviving blood relative the sum of £100, then everything else to where you actually want it to go. This demonstrates that you have properly considered your relatives and made an active choice of what to leave them.

I would leave a small nominal amount to each niece and nephew, to be clear you hadn't left them out and maybe peace of mind, it sends a message. You say your siblings are comfortably off so they will inherit from their parents eventually. I certainly wouldn't sit on it, enjoy your remaining years op and use the money to enjoy life and experience new things, I'm sure your darling sibling will be cheering you on.

Usually family does trump everything else, I would leave something to all my nieces and nephews, the relationship they have with you is probably more down to the relationship you have with your siblings than anything they have proactively decided upon.
Have you tried to see them? Organised a family get together ?
But of course your money to leave how you choose, 50% towards community and 50% split between nieces/nephews would be a compromise.
You don't say who your inheritance was from but it could be seen as family money and to pass the advantage you have been given onto the younger generation when the time comes.

Leave the money to the community if that’s what you want. I’m just in the process of getting a will and having a similar dilemma so it’s great to read the ideas.

well phones go both ways. So unless you’ve also tried to keep in contact and they have then ignored you, you are as much to blame for no communication.

Especially with younger relatives where there is very much the adult / child interaction part even once grown up. The relationship tends to follow the path of from when they where little so if you were not overly involved in them that tends to be the pattern set.

Leave it wherever and to whoever you want however.

I wouldn’t leave it to charity at all if I was leaving anything to any other actual human being though because charities make life hell for those trying to settle and sort the will out. Because they are very set on getting their percentage rightly so but to the extremes that a family member cannot even have a coffee table without an official pricing because that’s a percentage of their entitlement.

Why should someone you don't like, don't know, or haven't seen for many years get your money (that you have chosen to leave elsewhere) just because they happen to be related to you and do it by contesting your will? It's just a precaution in case they are grasping and entitled!

If it was hard earned money, then yes, I would appreciate the sentiment.
But the people who left it to the OP might not have particularly liked them, but it was the right thing to do to leave it to her
I’ve also seen what communities charities etc do with donations and honestly be better off wiping your arse with it for all the Good it’ll do in the world.
Usually it ends up lining the pockets indirectly of those in charge.

I'm childless, My sibling and I Inherited similar amounts to OP from our mother. My DN will get whatever's left over but I don't feel under any pressure to leave them a sizeable inheritance. DN's parents are better off than we are, their house is worth twice as much and they've been saving for them since they were born.they won't need the money. Sibling has told us we are not to worry about leaving DN anything.