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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone actually like their parents, as people?

127 replies

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 01/09/2025 18:47

If your parent wasn’t your parent, would they be your friend? I find it really difficult to be around both my mum and dad (separated.) They annoy me. I can’t work out if this is universal amongst adult children or if some people genuinely like their parents.

My history with my parents is complicated so I won’t go into it, but I do worry one day my kids won’t like me too. Or is this just characteristic of a complicated childhood? Do you like your parents?!

YABU - I like who my parent/s are as people (whilst maybe finding them annoying sometimes)

YANBU - I do not like who my parents are as people and wouldn’t choose them as a friend.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 01/09/2025 18:56

I mean in reality, how many friends do you have of the next generation aside from work colleagues? I think that makes a difference

CorneliaCupp · 01/09/2025 18:57

Yep, love em! They are kind and interesting and hilarious!

redannie18 · 01/09/2025 18:58

I like them more as friends than as parents!

brunettemic · 01/09/2025 18:59

I have very little in common with my parents. It probably is affected by the fact that I’ve moved away and lead a very different life to them. I love them but often find speaking to them hard, my mum in particular has no ability to engage if you don’t agree with her and often steers the conversation to herself.

That sounds a bit brutal when I think about it.

Original poster
Slowdownyouredoingfine · 01/09/2025 19:00

@toomuchfaff My parents generation? That’s a valid point… I have none. All my friends are from my generation. But that doesn’t mean I dislike anyone not from my generation… just natural gravitation I suppose as we’re in the same life stage. I like some of my friends parents as people though, and I like my MIL as a person.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 01/09/2025 19:00

I think there are many people who genuinely like their parents. So yes I think that is normal. I'm also sure there are many people as well who might find it hard to be around their parents. For whatever reason.

I am not close to my mum. Cos I don't feel loved. And feel criticised and disrespected.

Yes I do worry about if my child will want to spend time with me when she's older. I try not to be like my mum. I can just hope that it won't be like that with us. I am trying my best to do the right thing and hoping it will all work out ok

Original poster
Slowdownyouredoingfine · 01/09/2025 19:02

@purpleme12 Yes, same here.

OP posts:
blondebombsite13 · 01/09/2025 19:02

One of them, yes. The other one, no.

They are still married and I am in daily contact with them. But one of them I would not choose as a friend, no.

BreadstickBurglar · 01/09/2025 19:03

”My history with my parents is complicated so I won’t go into it, but I do worry one day my kids won’t like me too. Or is this just characteristic of a complicated childhood?”

I really genuinely enjoy chatting and spending time with my parents although one of them can be quite difficult at times I still like her a lot outside of those times 😂 But interestingly she had a difficult relationship with her parents and as a result she sort of expected me to cut her off once I reached adulthood as she more or less did with hers. I don’t think she realised that it’s not what everyone does! So good on you for realising that things can be different for you and your children. Just be nice to them, don’t be like your own parents are with you.

TheChosenTwo · 01/09/2025 19:03

I actually don’t know.
I have an easy but difficult relationship with my mum, it’s hard to explain.
I think with my dad I’d be much happier if I never saw him ever again. I don’t wish him any harm, but he’s a compulsive liar and I just don’t really enjoy spending time with him as a result. I try and keep our relationship very surface level; don’t talk to him about anything meaningful or improtant.

Rallentanda · 01/09/2025 19:04

I know people who like their parents, usually one of them more than the other and not to say they don't sometimes get exasperated, but that's humans for you.

I can't stand either of mine but they aren't very nice people so it's understandable.

coravantexel · 01/09/2025 19:05

I love them but I don’t like them very much sometimes. No one else in my life criticises me as much as my DM and she is constantly pass agg which drives me up the wall.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 01/09/2025 19:06

My mum yes definitely, she’s a very cool, interesting and kind person.

My dad probably not but then I don’t have any male friends.

waitingforbaby90 · 01/09/2025 19:06

It’s impossible to say if you’d be friends with them as an adult, you can’t un-know the dynamic you have and the fact that they’ve parented you - they are naturally very different with their own friends and peers. But yes, the simple answer is I do like them and miss deeply the one who died last year and wish I could spend more time with the other.

and of course I have found them irritating and difficult at times too.

Meadowfinch · 01/09/2025 19:07

My parents were very much products of their upbringings.

F was raised to have very high expectations of the world that were not fulfilled, leaving him with chips on both shoulders. He was a very bitter man as a result, and was difficult to spend time with.

My M was raised to be interested in nothing more than clothes and babies, and expecting to be provided for. She was very frustrating in her very limited views of the world.

Neither of them was willing to change their lives for the better, preferring to moan instead. I wanted to shake each of them. I left home at the first opportunity. I'm sure they found me exhausting.

Pricelessadvice · 01/09/2025 19:07

Yes. My Dad has the same humour as me and we are on completely the same wavelength. We have the best time together and spend a lot of time laughing.
My mum is the loveliest person. I am very, very lucky.

AgnesX · 01/09/2025 19:07

I'm not entirely sure they'd be friends with me if they weren't my parents!

We're very different people!

AncientBallerina · 01/09/2025 19:08

Yes I genuinely liked spending time with them when they were alive and well. I actively seek the company of a couple of elderly family/ friends of theirs. Some people are just great their whole lives. Or maybe I am lucky!

pikkumyy77 · 01/09/2025 19:09

I lucked out. I adore my parents and have for a long time. I would definitely be friends with them if I were not their child.

But I think that is unusual. If that isn’t true for someone else I assume that is because of a fault in the parent generation or a rigidity or refusal/ inability of the parent generation to grow with their child and accept and support their child.

Original poster
Slowdownyouredoingfine · 01/09/2025 19:10

It is lovely to know it’s not universal, and people do like their parents. There is hope for me still 😂 I do hope I’ve broken the cycle.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 01/09/2025 19:11

My dad is brilliant - very funny, stacks of integrity and as he always likes to say to me: “You’re my mate aren’t you?” Yes dad, I am your daughter first and foremost, but I am happy to call you a mate.

My mum is very loving and kind, but distant, which I know sounds like a contradiction. She is a highly intelligent but complex person. She has difficult hidden depths and weird ideas. We get on most of the time.

I am feel I am lucky to have them as my folks - but neither are perfect and neither am I for that matter. But I love them with every fibre of my being and I came back from a job overseas to make sure that I could make the most of them in their latter years and be here if they need anything from me in terms of care and support.

ResusciAnnie · 01/09/2025 19:11

My parents are 65 & 67 and I have friends who are 60 & 62 so not wildly off. The friends’ views and approaches to life are very different to my parents’. Both friends are parents themselves, so it’s not like they’ve lived fresh free lives and their outlooks are unscathed by parenting.

My mum is quite opinionated and ‘says it like it is’ and not very loving. I’m sure you know the type. My dad is very demonstrative but can be very arrogant and condescending.

A very superficial example - both friends have tattoos, both parents are scathing of tattoos and would say ‘why on earth have they doodled on themselves? So cheap. What a slut’ 😱

Scottishgirl85 · 01/09/2025 19:12

I really want to, but sadly don't. They are quite racist and don't understand other people's opinions. I know they love me, but I've never heard them say it. I'd love to like them, desperately so. I know when they're gone I'm going to have such mixed feelings, and wish things had been different. I love them and enjoy seeing them, but it's very complicated.

Trinity69 · 01/09/2025 19:13

This is a tough one really. My Dad, totally. I’m a female, younger version of him. Our opinions tend to be the same, our sense of humours match and I think he’s great. My Mum, not so much BUT she’s great in her own way. If she hadn’t raised me our relationship might be better. Everyone who I speak to sings her praises and says what a lovely woman she is but she didn’t raise them.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/09/2025 19:14

I don't know if we would be friends per se as we are quite different, part of our generations as much as anything else. But I specifically enjoy and choose their company, and respect them...which seems pretty good to me. If mine feels the same about me/us I'll be pretty happy.

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