Does anyone actually like their parents, as people?

[Slowdownyouredoingfine]

If your parent wasn’t your parent, would they be your friend? I find it really difficult to be around both my mum and dad (separated.) They annoy me. I can’t work out if this is universal amongst adult children or if some people genuinely like their parents.

My history with my parents is complicated so I won’t go into it, but I do worry one day my kids won’t like me too. Or is this just characteristic of a complicated childhood? Do you like your parents?!

YABU - I like who my parent/s are as people (whilst maybe finding them annoying sometimes)

YANBU - I do not like who my parents are as people and wouldn’t choose them as a friend.

No, I don’t think I would, they’re self centred and never once thought about what was best for me, just that I would cope with whatever decisions they made to suit themselves, and that’s not enough for a child.

Oh gosh I feel like this. It’s a really complex relationship…

I don’t remember either of my parents hugging me or telling me they loved me as I child. My mum isn’t loving at all, she would pull away if I hugged her. She criticises my appearance, my house, my job, my parenting. My dad said a few years back that he wished he’d never had children. They are both retired, but they do nothing. No hobbies, no friends. They don’t take care of their health. They are also racist as you mention. They went down a massive COVID conspiracy rabbit hole. Fine, believe what you want to believe but they hounded me about it, preached, sent articles, shouted me down, just constant arguments (I’m medical but would only go so far as to say that’s what you believe but not what I believe). My siblings are all quite tricky in their own ways but I feel like I get blamed for any issues between us all. It’s exhausting a lot of the time.

BUT, my parents would also do anything for me. They worked 5 jobs between them when we were kids to give us a different life. They helped me as much as they could when I had my children - and they still do.

There's none of that nurturing love or affection but there is a strong bond and sense of loyalty to one another. I do feel sad when I see people as adults describe their parents as friends and spend quality time with them. If/when I do that with my parents they’ll usually tell me it’s a waste of time/money. I worry I will turn into my mum and my kids will find me really hard work. I hope not…

It’s funny, my mum is more of a friend to me than a parent. I enjoy her company, we have fun together and love a gossip, but she a pretty shitty mother and grandmother to be honest.

No I don’t - I did though until I became in my thirties. The way we conduct our lives is very different to each other but fundamentally it’s the fact they lie so much. They’ve broken my trust on many occasions but even if I take myself out of it, watching how they are with other people is off putting too. They’re completely narcissists - I’ve learnt to keep it surface level. It’s hard though as when I have issues in life I honestly don’t even think to tell them anymore.

My dad might actually take some notice of me if I were his mate. As for my mother I’d rather dine with Putin.

I can’t think of a close friend or family member who doesn’t like their parents so this isn’t something that’s normal in my circle.

My parents were good people and I miss them very much.

I also hope that I have broken the same cycle ❤

I loved and liked both of mine and spent as much time with them as I could while they were alive. They were both lovely caring people who loved me and their grandchildren.
I also adored my gran, as a child she was the person I told all my secrets to.
I have a good relationship with my own grown up children too, and I like my DDs partner very much.

I can't tell because I love them so much as parents it's hard to imagine them in a different role.

But yes, very possibly as we enjoy spending time with each other as adults away from traditional family obligations.

My parents are both lovely and definitely great friend material. I love spending time with them, as does my dh. Shopping, golfing (for the men - I can't hit a ball and don't see the attraction) and holidays are always fun. Same with my MIL. They're funny, interesting and interested in other people. I think they are all young at heart and enjoy life, which makes them fun to be around. One of my Grandma's was the same, never moaned even with cancer, and always had a naughty twinkle in her eye. As a result she drew people of all ages, and was still flirting at over 100 years old.

I really like both of mine. They are two of my favourite people to have a wine/dinner with (separately, they are divorced). If either comes to town I clear my schedule as much as possible so we can hang out, They are both clever, interesting and funny to talk to and although a different generation there isn’t that feeling of distance that some people seem to have with their parents. I think it helps that they are progressive in their views and engaged with things like art and music and politics which I also enjoy talking about.

I was thinking about it in contrast to some friends and I think the difference is that not only do I like them as people but they seem to really like me! My mum is never mean about my weight like some of my friends’ mums for example. I can’t really imagine either of them being critical or what that looked like. I have never doubted I was loved but being liked matters as much.

Nope. Awful people.

Yes, I love mine and would definitely want to be their pal if I wasn’t their daughter!

Well I don’t speak to my dad anymore and my mom does my fucking head in so, no.

My dad yes!
my mother no way!
I’ve not really had much to do with her since I was 11, in my 50’s now!
I left home at 18, I can’t even remember the last time I seen her, my dad I see weekly and they live 5 minutes apart

My dad was a lovely man, very sociable, loads of friends, reasonably ethical. His biggest flaw was my mother- he was a saint to put up with her but probably should have pushed against her more.

She’s a spoiled brat of a woman who is currently staying with me because I’m a dutiful daughter but man, am I struggling! Not only would I not socialise with her, I’d run for the hills if I saw her coming- as many people indeed do.

It’s very sad. She’s an albatross. Her anger when thwarted is vitriolic.

In all honesty, no, I wouldn’t be friends with any of them. My dad, I’d have seen as a helpful but perhaps annoying at times neighbour. My mum, the nosey woman who rarely leaves the house.

Interestingly I was just pondering whether you can like your parents if you never felt shown love by them. By love I mean affection, belief in you, nurturing you as a person, showing a like towards you. As opposed to putting a roof over your head and telling you to do your homework or else.
I overheard many times say he wished we'd never been born and my mother was never affectionate or gave us praise. They were more interested in each other and arguing then our well being or affects it had. I genuinely don't know if you can be happy if you aren't shown this love in formative years.
They were always there but never really showed me any empathy for why I might need them.
Therefore I am triggered in there company no matter how hard I try. They are very stingy and my dad is a narcissist I'm sure so now estranged from him. My mum helps a few times a year when my husband works away and I am alone but she makes me feel like my toddlers tantrums are due to a lack of discipline on my side and shows a dislike for one of my children. I always feel depressed after her visit. So no I think is the answer to your question

Interestingly I was just pondering whether you can like your parents if you never felt shown love by them. By love I mean affection, belief in you, nurturing you as a person, showing a like towards you. As opposed to putting a roof over your head and telling you to do your homework.
I overheard many times my father say he wished we'd never been born and my mother was never affectionate or gave us praise. They were more interested in each other and arguing then our well being or affects it had. I genuinely don't know if you can be happy if you aren't shown this love in formative years.
They were always there but never really showed me any empathy for why I might need them.
Therefore I am triggered in their company no matter how hard I try and enjoy it. They are very stingy and my dad is a narcissist I'm sure and I am now estranged from him. My mum helps a few times a year when my husband works away and I am alone with the DC but she makes me feel like my toddlers tantrums are due to a lack of discipline on my side and sublimely criticising my parenting and shows a dislike for one of my children. I always feel depressed after her visit. So no I think is the answer to your question

I used to loathe them and now I don’t really have any feelings towards them. They were nasty and abusive. I think I will feel relief when they die. If my father goes first there may be a way back for my mother

No. My dad is ok but my mother is very unpleasant and unkind individual. She's the polar opposite of anyone I'd h in my life through choice.

I am NC with my parents. My mother is a monster and my father enabled her. I depise them.

I like my parents a lot as people. Age is taking its toll a bit, it's getting harder to talk to my dad as he's fairly deaf and my mum who has always been so positive feels not like herself as she is in a lot of pain and discomfort right now but hopefully a hip replacement next month will help relieve that somewhat. We like to do things like going to the opera and classical concerts together, which helps to bond us.

I love and enjoy my mum, my dad died and I feel super bad saying we wouldn’t be friends and I’ve got to know my mum so much better as he’s not around.

I sympathise. My situation sounds extremely similar and it's awful.

Take care of yourself