Do I collect the kids, from ex house when he collect after school

[ForLoudUmberScroller]

want to hear some opinions, I’ve always collected my children from ex house after he’s had them for a few hours after school 3 times a week. We use to co parent great , but now it’s down to minimal communication. I put this down to the new gf as only started since they’ve been together. So after years of collecting them after he’s given them tea, I’ve now said I will not be collecting them, he can bring them to my home (5-10 min walk ) he said he cannot commit to that! What do I do? I have to stop my day to collect them am I being selfish?

Why have you changed the plan if it was working?

How old are the children?
is it possible to meet halfway?
When you say “stop my day” do you mean stop working to collect them?

Oh and yes, why the change?

Why do you need to change?
Have you got a new job?
Or are you just being awkward because he has a new GF?

Going to ask what everyone else is..... why the sudden change if you were happy doing it before?

I feel it wasn’t working, I have the kids with very little time to myself . I have never liked stopping everything to pick them up. I did it to help him out . However the situation has changed and I feel I shouldn’t have to

I wasn’t happy doing it before, but I did to help him out. He has the kids under 10 hours a week . No over night stays no maintenance . I feel he should give a little .

Has you wanting to change the arrangement got anything to do with the fact that he has a new girlfriend OP?

Between 8-14 , 4 all together 2 with additional needs. Normally rushing home from work or getting shopping , housework things that are easier to be done with no kids

Well, if both of you dig your heels in, what will happen? Will he refuse to have the children at all? In which case, they miss out because they aren’t seeing their father and you miss your ‘me’ time because they aren’t seeing him.

Possibly. As I said we co parented amazing before gf . And we’re only allowed to email.

i have asked him to see them more , and occasional weekend off every other month . I will not stop him seeing his kids .

After they have been together for 4 months she added me to a WhatsApp ‘parenting group’ she created

maybe offer to collect them on one of the days but ask that he drops off on the others

I agree with you that's it's not a lot if he only has them ten hours a week but I'm assuming that's three evenings and it does sound like the only reason you're asking is because things have changed at his end

Also

It does sound like the ex wants to limit contact and that WhatsApp group sounds controlling tbh

And I do get you're perspective of you were basically being friendly before and helping one another but now he won't even talk to you so why should you help him out?

Why’s he paying no maintenance if he has so little time with them?

You should love your children more than you hate him (and his new girlfriend). You’re clearly jealous that he had moved on and is apparently happy. But you are causing your children to suffer if you change the arrangements. If it’s a 5-10 minute walk for him, it’s a 5-10 minute walk for you too. Hardly a trek up Everest. Stop your day? It’s a few minutes. For your children. You probably spend more time each scrolling on your phone than it takes you to get them. Grow up.

Ok I haven’t thought of that, yes quite possible I’m upset that he has prioritised the gf and her kid (not his ) . Also other thing , I was shopping one time he and gf were in the same shop both of us were paying he ignore the kids that were with me at the time . My daughter has started SH and has written in a diary about dad and gf. Obviously it’s gonna be many reason not just that.

Where is the laugh emoji when you need it!

Maybe if he won't commit to brining them back to your house, she will - as she's so keen to get involved!

Rise above it - but I agree, if he's only having them for 10 hours a week, he should bring them to you. Why no maintenance? Thank God he's an ex, the new girlfriend has got herself a right prize!

You can do what you want but he sounds so useless he might stop bothering to see the kids at all.

but stand your ground and put in a claim to Xmas for maintenance.

So there is no CAO in place? Just this verbal agreement and he pays no maintenance?

Oh I love my children dearly , so much I wanted to be a single parent to 4 young children 7 years ago. As I was doing it alone anyway. Yet I’m still wanting my kids dad to be involved . I don’t hate him , I’m glad he’s happy I just wish he would help out more. I have a job I don’t have time to scroll

No CAO he contributes to trust funds . Weve never needed mediation or anything think that before.

lol I did t respond she maybe had only met 2 of the kids by then . It feels she has turned the whole situation into something she can handle . ( gf has son 50/50 through courts , no contact with dad) feels like she’s manipulating our previous awesome coparenting to nothing . Especially when the kids can see it .

Why can't he have them overnight?
What isn't he paying maintenance?
Can you meet halfway (either literally halfway between houses, or he walks them two evenings and you collect on the last one)