Does your adult child tell you when they are coming?

[aloob]

I have a son who lives on the sane town and he pops in from time to time but never lets us know when he’s coming.
He popped in tonight and just used his key to let himself in and I was sitting in my nighty slightly uncomfortable.
I love to see him but is it unreasonable to ask him to let me know he’s coming or do families just expect to walk in and find you as you are?

YANBU but it’s probably habitual- it’s hard when your patients have always been ‘just mum and dad’ to realise they are adults with a right to privacy and you may just need to lay it out. You’re happy for him to come round (if you are!) but a quick text to check or phone call prior would be really appreciated!

That’s so crazy to me.

My parents are local and me and my siblings always just pop in, would be weird not to. They love the life that they regularly have a full house and I hope my kids feel the same when they move out.

I would say they will have someone randomly rock up probably every day. They say they would never move because they love it so much.

I want my parents to let me know when they are coming to mine so I ensure I always call them first. I'm one town over so a short drive
My sisters just turn up and my parents just turn up at theirs and they are all in the same town.

I warn my parents we will be appearing and roughly a time. In my family 1.30pm/2pm seems to the time to arrive and leaving about 7 pm.

Yes he always phones /arranges in advance (does have asd so I think its just how he works) but let's himself in when he arrives.
My dp appears unannounced about once a week (always at inconvenient times) even when ive asked.them to ring first.

My adult DC /SDC and their partners often just pop in (usually around dinner time 😀) our front door is generally unlocked if we are home so they just let themselves in. I love it

Sometimes DS will text/call to see if I’m home and to let me know he’s calling in. Other times he just turns up. I’m not bothered either way, I love to see him.

I wouldn't think it appropriate to tell me, but I hope they tell their partners...
Guffaw

Mine doesn’t. It’s really annoying despite loving the bones of him. Last time I was in the garden, unwashed, unshaved just getting a tan reading a book. He appears with his girlfriend. Thanks son.

No - he never lets us know, but it’s fine. If we aren’t in and he hasn’t got keys he’ll ring and ask where we are!! I wouldn't do the same to him though strangely. We’d always let them know.

I’d ask him not to use his key unless you know he’s coming. What if you weren’t actually dressed?

One son does exactly what your son did and Jimmy crack corn we don’t care how we look or what we’re wearing when he appears on the off chance. Neither does he. T’other son always rings the doorbell, has to be “admitted” even though we know he’s due. He wouldn’t care how we’re attired either. We prefer the former but accept they’re different.

I am the adult child. Mum and mother in law are both a 5 minute drive away. Sometimes I/we just drop in, other times we call before hand or on the way.

Calling before hand just means the door will be unlocked ready, and the kettle may already be on.

Aldi speak to them both most days on the phone- sometimes me calling them, sometimes them calling me.

We get on with both of our families, and they get on with each other too. I know we are lucky in that not everyone has that.

Yes my adult son always lets me know he is coming. He has a key so let’s himself in, but always sends a what’s app first

I would never drop into my parents home and I have never been invited there in the 5+ years they’ve lived there. I have literally never been, which I know is completely odd! I’d love to have a parent I could “drop in” on.

My daughter comes whenever she wants as does her fiancée, they let themselves in. I let them know if I’m coming to theirs but never the other way around. I have DCs at home anyway so it doesn’t bother me for now.

Yes I'm happy for DD to use her own key any time but she generally lets us know first. I'd never pop into her's without phoning first. We live 4 mins walk from each other. Wouldn't bother either of us to be seen in our nightwear!
Ds (ASD) lives 2 hours away and he and his partner plan visits weeks in advance! I'm staying with them now and they're making plans for November already. Last minute changes are problematic and he would NEVER 'just drop in' nor would they appreciate me 'dropping in'.

They always msg to check we're home first.

I always check because I now live an hour away and it would be a wasted trip if she want home. But when I lived down the road I’d just pop by whenever. Mums always left a key in a pot outside for us kids.

All families are different. Our door is never locked (I have dogs) and I have an 18 and 21yo DCs living at home. Our married DS turns up and walks in. I think I'd be a little sad if he felt he had to knock.
My siblings and I would never have rung our DPs or knocked either, again walking straight in.

I don’t have adult children but I am an adult child myself, funnily enough! My mum and I let each other know when we’re coming, purely because we live just over an hour apart and that would be a pain in the arse to travel all that way and them not be in/be busy etc and it be a wasted journey. My in laws just rock up whenever and let themselves in. I don’t exactly mind it, but have had to shout ‘woah!!’ a couple of times when I’ve been unprepared, shall we say, to be seen! I always text first when I go there.

I let my parents know as they’re 45 minutes away and I don’t want to waste a journey.

FIL lives about five minutes away and we just pop in whenever - he’d think we’d gone insane if we rang him in advance 🤣

My parents aren’t local so I have to warn them. When I lived locally I didn’t. My daughter will be welcome to visit whenever she likes as an adult.

I usually text first but will sometimes pop in- I ring the doorbell first and let myself in (am by myself or with DC).

I message or call my parents to check they are home/free before I visit. They're very busy people so I wouldn't want a wasted journey