To be obsessing about third baby at 41?

[MsPossibly]

Is it hormones? I can't think about anything else. DD is 8 DS is nearly 6 so there'd be a massive age gap.

Financially we could do it. House-wise and marriage could do it. I always thought I wanted 3 but for whatever reason haven't TTC in the last 5 years. Now it feels like I might regret it all my life. Do I just need to let these feelings pass and get back to enjoying my lovely kids at lovely ages, or do I give in to the madness?!

I wouldn't at 41. Peri menopause started kicking my arse at around 46. I kept my self together just about. My youngest was 12 at the time. However you might sail through that stage in of life.

I’m currently 43 and 18 weeks pregnant with #3 (DD1 & 2 are 7 and 10). We were trying for 3 years following a surprise pregnancy and MC back in March 2022. I had another miscarriage this March and was over the moon when I finally fell pregnant with a sticky one in May. My daughters are beside themselves with excitement, DH is completely on board despite a wobble about it over the last few years, all tests have come back low chance (1 in 2,147 with combined test for Downs, also low chance through the NIPT - despite my age and DD1 having that extra chromosome!). It’s been an easy pregnancy so far. Obviously time will tell what life with 3 is actually like. Unlike others, I don’t have the option of counting down until DD1 runs for the hills for uni or whatever, she’ll always need extra support or advocacy in some form or other, so this isn’t disrupting the dream of an empty nest, fancy free 50s or 60s for us, so what’s adding one more to the mix?!

What if it’s twins?

Then MORE the merrier!

I’m one of 4 so I wouldn’t find it the end of the world tbh. Obviously tiring, expensive, complicated medically - but I can’t say I haven’t fantasised about it either

I had a surprise 4th baby at 41 and was the best ever. Keeps me young 😁 I had an age gap of 5 years with younger 2. Works 😃

Op, at 38, I asked mumsnet the same question and was told all manners of why it would be a terrible idea. I didn't listen, got pregnant and had the baby the year I turned 40. Best decision ever. It wasn't just my hormones; I really had space in my heart and family for one more person to love-we all did. I have three and know I am finished now and am happy about it even though I love babies and being pregnant etc. Do not default to mumsnet for advice about expanding your family, especially at a more advanced maternal age. Make this decision with your husband and do pay attention to your emotions and don't just write them off as some kind of chemical misfirings-jst make sure they are balanced with the practicalities.

Thanks for this. What are your age gaps like? That’s more my worry than my age tbh.

Honestly if you aren't a troll, this perspective is really warped. Most people are hardwired to create and nurture life because it keeps the human race going. Most people are glad they were born in spite of life's natural hardships. And also are you the same OP who swore at me when I asked a similar question to the OP's 4 years ago (something to do with people ruining the effing planet with all their unnecessary kids?)
I'm getting the same unhinged vibes.

Hi! My kids were 4 and 7 when the baby was born, so not too big but the kids love her!

sure cause you haven’t experienced teen years yet 🙄

It won't.

I knew before reading your post that you had children of primary school age (or younger)

You can afford it now, but can you afford three teenagers? Can you support three DC through university?

Do it. 41 is hardly crumbling away.
That said, I did have The Urge in my early 40s and has absolutely disappeared to the point of relief that I didn't have a 3rd.

I had a (truly) accidental third when my first two were 13 and 10. Been very hard but wouldn’t change it….

I think there’s a HUGE difference in energy levels between 41 and 45.

You’ve got the perfect little family and I think you might regret “losing” the enjoyment of your existing children, either in the anguish of trying to conceive/not conceiving/miscarrying or by having a baby when they’re 10 and 8 which in my opinion are the best ages!!

PS- they’re not really “grown up” children until 14 at the EARLIEST ie they will still need and want you for a long, long time

I was the same and had my 3rd at 42 when my others were 10 and 6. It has been amazing - we all dote on her and she's the perfect mood stabiliser for the teenager as she goes and 'checks in him' if he holes up in his room for too long. It's given the big ones a chance to enjoy a second/extended childhood by engaging with her and she lives the best life with her big siblings.

I don't want another (although I still squish babies at any chance I get) and am now perfectly content with my family of five!

Yours are at a good age and it will only get better. I wouldn’t start again in my 40s.

Love this. But gow do you manage with holidays and things when the older ones want to bikes/active stuff and you have a little one with you? I imagine that would feel like you're pulled in different directions?

Also - did it effect hanging out with the families of your older children's friends? A new baby would be the youngest by far among our friends and I wondered if we'd feel a bit left out sometimes?

This is good advice. I do worry about entering into a world of stress/testing/possible miscarriage etc

I had my first at 41. Pregnancy was really rough on my body. I’m pretty sure perimenopause has started and I’m struggling with bad fatigue - balancing a busy job, life/house admin and a 3.5 year old is tough, even with an equal partnership. I don’t regret it, it was just the way it panned out for me. But in an ideal world, based on my personal experience, I would have at a child by 38 at the latest and I would definitely not choose to have a child in my 40s if I already had 2 kids!

Then again there will be lots of women in their 40s who had kids that age and say they’ve loads of energy!

My mum had her third at 42. I am very greatful she did as my sister who is 6 years younger than me is my very favourite person in the world and I would not want to be without her. I am now 41 and I do get the maternal urge to have a third, of course I do. I am trying to ignore it though because I just do not want the stress and worry of disability.

My mum also warned me not to have a third later as this is what caused her prolapse and made life very hard for her for a long time.

From experience, this. Dont Don’t do it!

I had my third at 40. Always wanted three children and had them later in life due to fertility issues. Has been totally fine. MN users always bang on about disabilities but you can screen for them, and there are lots of other factors etc. Your older children could be hit by a cricket ball and become disabled, so I wouldn’t put too much weight on maternal age and disabilities.

I think if you want a child, have one. It’s not that hard, you’ll just manage and what’s not to like about adding a little person to your family?

I had my second at 41 and first at 36. No one batted an eye, in terms of friends or HCP. Before contraception was widely available, women had babies into their 40's. I had a test for Downs which was negative, he's now 14 and l had an easy menopause so all ok.