To be obsessing about third baby at 41?

[MsPossibly]

Is it hormones? I can't think about anything else. DD is 8 DS is nearly 6 so there'd be a massive age gap.

Financially we could do it. House-wise and marriage could do it. I always thought I wanted 3 but for whatever reason haven't TTC in the last 5 years. Now it feels like I might regret it all my life. Do I just need to let these feelings pass and get back to enjoying my lovely kids at lovely ages, or do I give in to the madness?!

Also my brother and his wife have a 3yr old at 50 and 45 and they admit they are exhausted. It was SIL’s first baby. Brother had his first 2 kids in his late teens / early 20’s so it wasn’t how he planned to spend his 50’s. He loves his son but is exhausted and worries about the future.

This post is a good example of why you shouldn’t let strangers on the internet influence your life decisions. Some of them have very particular agendas that aren’t relevant to the majority of people at all.

@Fragmentedbrain you must really enjoy feeling angry if you’re hanging out on MUMSnet…

We had a 'bonus' third (mirena coil failure!).
I love DC3 to pieces, and in broad terms the jump from 2 to 3 (once over the initial shock) was fine.
But I would say logistically it's very VERY difficult. Cars, holidays - flights and hotel rooms, seating arrangements on trains amd even lots of restaurants are all really hard for a family for 5. Doing 3 drop offs between 2 adults is impossible. We struggle for babysitters, and there's always some sort of 2v1 disagreement bubbling away between them!
I was only 35 with DC3, but that pregnancy and new born stage were lots more difficult than the previous ones had been 4 and 7 years earlier.

I agree that making ppl exist just to be selfish and 'tickle their ego' is a barstard thing to do (if they cant look after it properly). The OP said they have the money and support, she also seems like she has already made up her mind anyway. Some ppl have like 10 kids! (Im a one and done mum btw)

Mumsnet is very interesting for all sorts of reasons

Having kids is a really obnoxious thing to do, though. Every awful thing your children experience including whatever kills them is all your fault. But it's fine because jellycats awwww would you look at that!

How much money does it take to get a person through the collapse of western economic and social structures I wonder. I guess the OP's kids will find out 👍🏻

To echo this, we saw clinical genetics recently as our DD has a rare genetic condition. We asked if it could be related to age at time of conception/pregnancy (36/37) and they said it is more likely down to chance and you’d not definitively say it’s age related until mid-late 40’s and onwards. Basically closely linked to peri, which obviously hits everyone at variable ages.

But it sounds like they are born into money so that isn't a factor.

What if it doesn’t???

Who do you think has enough money to be fine?

I guess this is why people breed. No concerns or awareness of the wider world.

I felt just the same - mine were 12 and 14 when I was 40. It’s hormones, a last hurrah before they retire! It stopped once I started HRT.

Go for it if you want, but three is a tricky number, always someone left out.
Have a think about logistics, days out, dragging the older ones to soft play and pepper pig world, or trying to keep the baby quiet during the older ones parents evening…It’d be a no from me!

What if all their kids want to go back in time and tell them to get a bloody hobby instead.

Yes I didn’t want to derail too much but one of my DC also has a genetic condition. Conceived at 34, born at 35. Geneticist also seemed to think it was some random thing rather than age (and anecdotally, plenty of very young parents in the facebook communities for this condition).

Subsequent DC all fine.

@Btowngirl I hope you (and DD) are doing okay. The period around diagnosis is a hell of a time. 💐

Its called being a human/animal we (mostly) all breed its built into us.

I’ve known a few people of a similar age to both yourself and your children have babies in their 40s. I haven’t heard any regrets. One friend was a couple of years older, and the children were 8 and 10.

What do jellycats have to do with the price of fish? Are they not a kind of beanie baby thing? What am I missing?

You have a very negative outlook. You could equally say you are responsible for every lovely thing your children experience. Yes, pain is an inevitable part of life, but many people still find it well worth being alive. I feel privileged to have the gift of life so I’m glad my parents didn’t have your view!

And as a parent, when your children are small, you can try your best to tilt the balance towards the positive.

Oh maybe we are in some of the same groups as we had noticed similar. We are yet to be tested ourselves so that may give us some more insight.

It’s an emotional rollercoaster isn’t it but DD is happy and that’s the main thing. The same goes for you and your family 🌺

I didn’t do peppapig world and soft play with the my existing children! But I’m glad to hear the pining stopped

I would go for it based on what you’ve said. It sounds like you might regret it if you don’t.

I am in a similar boat myself but my DH is not on the same page..I also regret not going for it when the gaps were smaller. I think I am coming to terms with being grateful for two but depends where I am in my cycle!

A close friend has the same gap as you, and found the first year with her third to be lovely (older ones infatuated with the baby and baby very portable) but the toddler years very tricky. Now the third is 4ish it's got easier again as they can do more things together.

I had my third at almost 38 - I’d get on with it asap! I don’t regret it at all and it was hard at times but I had that feeling
like you describe!! She’s a gift though although is nearly 13 now! My hubby and I were both one of two and neither are especially close to our siblings. For some reason I decided at the time that 3 is a good number because if 2 fall out there is always another to wade in! Plus it’s just more fun with 3 - they loved it, ready made play mates at home! Good luck 🤞

I had my amazing perfect 3rd son at 42. We had a similar age gap and honestly I haven't regretted it for a moment. He completed our family.

I had my third aged 37 with similar age differences,have never regretted our decision, He is an absolute joy . All are adults now and have always all got on well together.

Yes, I am actually quite envious of my youngest. He had the best of both worlds really. I had the time to devote to him as if he were an only child when the older ones were at school then he's also got the fun of having two wonderful older siblings who.adore him and love doing things with him. He's 14 now, they're both in their 20s and they're planning a walking holiday just the three of them. They do.loads together.

Are you ok?