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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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92 replies

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 16:57

Hey, my best friend of 40years has loads of money, we went to the same school, she left started her own business with her ex, they made millions and she now is retired in 5 bed house with her new husband and daughter who is the same age as my daughter. She’s been retired for years and her new husband hadn’t much money so basically lives off her and doesn’t work either. They have about 5 holidays a year. On the other end of the scale is me, work two jobs, single Mom, small semi, struggling to pay for things as most people are. I’ve never asked for anything- she leant me £3,000 once to clear my cards and I paid her back every month so that was clear. Once she gave me £1,000 to help me which was a lovely surprise. She’s like a sister to me and our two kids play with each other often, her daughter goes to private school, I’ve always felt that if I had millions I would share my success with the people I love including friends but I’ve never held this against her.
So this year I’d been having problems with my ex so she offered to take me and my son away, we went self catering with a small travel company where transfers were paid for as extras. I was so happy as I couldn’t afford anything so we went, my parents gave me £400 euros to have a good time. Food was expensive, there was a small kitchen and not much choice in the supermarket, we ate out a couple of times once at McDonald’s, lunch time the restaurant at the apartments sold chips, so I’d get the kids some chips and I’d have a sandwich or crisps, I bought the kids drinks and us coffee and snacks, if I treated my son to a small toy I’d make sure her son also had one. I bought some coffee for the room and she came to me for one occasionally as well as drinks for the kids. I thought as she had bought the holiday it was going the least I could do and I’ve always been generous even if I can’t afford much.
on the way home the transfer to the airport an hour away didn’t show, we waited over an hour and the airport was an hour away so we were fretting we would miss the flight, I had called the company and they said it was on the way. We ended up getting a taxi which cost over £100 and my friend got. We had had an email saying at the airport make sure you’re there on time as there are major delays due to low staff issues. We both thought we are late and will miss the flight, we didn’t want our bags to go through incase when we got through security the flight had gone so we both decided to take a later flight which again my friend paid for. We got home and have gone through insurance, my insurance wouldn’t accept the claim but my friend is still trying through hers, she has had the taxi money back. She thinks she will probably get her flight money back but wants me to pay mine back. It’s £300 which is a lot for me to pay as I’m skint most of the time. To put things in perspective she was meant to be going on holiday last week but on the morning of the holiday decided not to go, it was for her and husband and child so they lost all the money without batting an eyelid. We spoke about me paying her back and I explained I’m always short of money, she said to be fair it’s because I spend my money on silly things on holiday but all I really bought was food for us all and little toy bits, hair brades ect. And I only paid for a lot as my parents helped me out.
I do love her as a friend and she is more like a sister but I know if the shoe was on the other foot I’d let her off the repayment. I’m not 100% sure her husband isn’t getting his voice heard as she pays for all their trips and his trips with his friends and at their wedding his speech was bragging about all the holidays they’ve been on since they met. AIBU?

OP posts:
TesChique · 31/08/2025 17:01

Please learn to use paragraphs. Incredibly hard to follow this.

lnks · 31/08/2025 17:01

You sound incredibly entitled.

Onthescrounge · 31/08/2025 17:02

You should have my username.

Sirzy · 31/08/2025 17:02

Of course you should cover it. Arrange a payment plan with her.

Nina1013 · 31/08/2025 17:02

What comes across from your post is that you feel in some way entitled to a share of her good fortune - or you wouldn’t comment on what her and her husband spend THEIR money on. It’s not for you to judge their choices because it’s not your money.

Regarding the flight home cost - again I would say someone had to pay or you’d still be there now. Why should it be her?

toomuchfaff · 31/08/2025 17:05

My best friend who has more money than me, gives me loads of money, pays for stuff all the time has asked me to contribute once and i'm pissed off because she has money and she should fund me all the time..

I'm surprised she has anything to do with you at all, you sound like a leech, an entitled bitter one at that. Pay her back.

TesChique · 31/08/2025 17:05

Now that ive managed to make sense of it.

Youre very wrong. You of course owe this money to your friend and your attitude of "she has money so she can afford to lose it" is gross and grabby

Youve had people around you bailing you out for that long you now feel entitled to it.

Its incredibly easy to go round saying how generous you are based on what youd do with millions of pounds that dont exist btw.

HouseTour · 31/08/2025 17:05

Jeeez this cannot be real

FTHC · 31/08/2025 17:07

I feel like there is a lot of unnecessary information in this post. Tempted to run it through chatgpt for a summary 🤣

glittermittens · 31/08/2025 17:10

Wow this can’t be real!

EmmaMaria · 31/08/2025 17:11

Agree with others - your insurance refusing to pay for a choice you made is not her fault. She has been beyond generous and your post comes across as very entitled. Ask her if you can pay back over time and do it.

Coconutter24 · 31/08/2025 17:12

Your friend has a lot of money, she does not have to share that with everyone because she has it. You say you would but of course you’d say that because you want her to share. You’re not entitled to her money.

holjam · 31/08/2025 17:14

You sound like you expect her to pay for everything as she’s “got loads of money”. Very hard to follow your post if I’m honest bit of course you should pay, that would be the decent thing to do.

50lbstolose · 31/08/2025 17:15

I have a friend who I have known since secondary school. Her husband earns enough that she can be a stay at home mum and doesnt have to worry about money.

It has become obvious over the years that our attitudes to money is very different. We now only meet up doe dinner and drinks. Holidays are out of the question, as are bringing our kids as I will bring a flask and a packed lunch but her and her kids will have food from cafes which I cannot afford on top of the cost of day trips.

We are not as close as we were and I see that she is closer friends with people who are more affluent than me. Our relationship will probably not last

Whaleandsnail6 · 31/08/2025 17:35

Its very easy to say "if I had loads of money I'd share the success including with friends" when you are not actually in that situation! Saying you would give friends and family money, is very different to actually doing it, and having all sorts of people feeling entitled to your money

I think you should pay her for the flights.

If she hadn't have bought the new flights, you would have been in a very tricky situation. She sounds like a very generous person, but is maybe feeling a bit taken advantage of.

I think you should send her a message asking if she could accept a payment plan, hopefully she will be able to

MoominMai · 31/08/2025 17:53

Unfortunately as the running theme here seems to be a sense of entitlement and disbelief that an already generous rich friend didn’t cover every single conceivable expense when you’re in her company leads me to vote YABU.

ThejoyofNC · 31/08/2025 18:02

You are unbelievable. She gave you £1000 and you've got the cheek to moan that she doesn't give you more?

Why on earth do you think you're entitled to her money?

All this nonsense about what you'd do if you had as much as her. Yeah sure you'd give it all away.

Livpool · 31/08/2025 18:02

YABU

Of course you pay - she is already going above and beyond for you

HoskinsChoice · 31/08/2025 18:04

Lunch was either McDonald's, chips or crisps. Deary me.

gamerchick · 31/08/2025 18:06

Sorry dude you need to cough up. You're taking her for granted a bit and she senses that. You should have offered to pay her back without being asked.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 31/08/2025 18:07

I'm willing to bet a fiver that will be a one post wonder OP

Ohmygodthepain · 31/08/2025 18:09

YOU decided to tak another flight without even trying to check in for the one you were booked on.

YOU freeloaded a holiday which cost you WAY less than it would if you'd gone halvesies.

YOUR insurance is NEVER going to pay out for YOU deciding to take a later flight, OF COURSE you should stump up for the cost of them!

If you resent your so-called friend so much I think you should walk away from her generosity (but I bet I can give a million reasons why you won't...£££). She can spend her cash however she wants!

Amuseaboosh · 31/08/2025 18:43

Pay her back. It isn't so much your different lives but more so very obvious that you clearly resent her for her good fortune gained through her own hard work.

She doesn't owe you a thing, you however owe her your share of the costs.

Further, I always find people who say 'I'm generous and always share if I have it' aren't. It's a thing they say while looking at others to put their hand in their pocket.

Amuseaboosh · 31/08/2025 18:48

FTHC · 31/08/2025 17:07

I feel like there is a lot of unnecessary information in this post. Tempted to run it through chatgpt for a summary 🤣

Here’s a clear summary of that long post:

OP’s wealthy best friend of 40 years often helps her out financially (loaned £3k, gave £1k, paid for a holiday, etc.).

OP is a single mum, struggles financially, and feels she would share her money if the roles were reversed.

Recently, friend paid for a holiday for OP and her son. OP’s parents gave her €400 spending money.

During the trip, OP covered some small things (food, toys, coffees).

On the way home, a missed transfer meant they had to take a £100+ taxi and then rebook a later flight. The friend paid both.

Friend now wants OP to pay her back £300 for the flight, even though she’ll likely get her own refunded through insurance.

OP feels it’s unfair, given her friend’s wealth and generosity in the past, and thinks if the roles were reversed she’d let it go.

She asks if she’s being unreasonable for not wanting to repay.

😂😂

Minnie798 · 31/08/2025 18:55

Of course you give your friend the £300. Stop viewing her as a cash cow because she is wealthy.
More fool her if she is allowing a man to live off her success/ money, but that is her relationship to navigate and nothing to do with your friendship.