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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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92 replies

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 16:57

Hey, my best friend of 40years has loads of money, we went to the same school, she left started her own business with her ex, they made millions and she now is retired in 5 bed house with her new husband and daughter who is the same age as my daughter. She’s been retired for years and her new husband hadn’t much money so basically lives off her and doesn’t work either. They have about 5 holidays a year. On the other end of the scale is me, work two jobs, single Mom, small semi, struggling to pay for things as most people are. I’ve never asked for anything- she leant me £3,000 once to clear my cards and I paid her back every month so that was clear. Once she gave me £1,000 to help me which was a lovely surprise. She’s like a sister to me and our two kids play with each other often, her daughter goes to private school, I’ve always felt that if I had millions I would share my success with the people I love including friends but I’ve never held this against her.
So this year I’d been having problems with my ex so she offered to take me and my son away, we went self catering with a small travel company where transfers were paid for as extras. I was so happy as I couldn’t afford anything so we went, my parents gave me £400 euros to have a good time. Food was expensive, there was a small kitchen and not much choice in the supermarket, we ate out a couple of times once at McDonald’s, lunch time the restaurant at the apartments sold chips, so I’d get the kids some chips and I’d have a sandwich or crisps, I bought the kids drinks and us coffee and snacks, if I treated my son to a small toy I’d make sure her son also had one. I bought some coffee for the room and she came to me for one occasionally as well as drinks for the kids. I thought as she had bought the holiday it was going the least I could do and I’ve always been generous even if I can’t afford much.
on the way home the transfer to the airport an hour away didn’t show, we waited over an hour and the airport was an hour away so we were fretting we would miss the flight, I had called the company and they said it was on the way. We ended up getting a taxi which cost over £100 and my friend got. We had had an email saying at the airport make sure you’re there on time as there are major delays due to low staff issues. We both thought we are late and will miss the flight, we didn’t want our bags to go through incase when we got through security the flight had gone so we both decided to take a later flight which again my friend paid for. We got home and have gone through insurance, my insurance wouldn’t accept the claim but my friend is still trying through hers, she has had the taxi money back. She thinks she will probably get her flight money back but wants me to pay mine back. It’s £300 which is a lot for me to pay as I’m skint most of the time. To put things in perspective she was meant to be going on holiday last week but on the morning of the holiday decided not to go, it was for her and husband and child so they lost all the money without batting an eyelid. We spoke about me paying her back and I explained I’m always short of money, she said to be fair it’s because I spend my money on silly things on holiday but all I really bought was food for us all and little toy bits, hair brades ect. And I only paid for a lot as my parents helped me out.
I do love her as a friend and she is more like a sister but I know if the shoe was on the other foot I’d let her off the repayment. I’m not 100% sure her husband isn’t getting his voice heard as she pays for all their trips and his trips with his friends and at their wedding his speech was bragging about all the holidays they’ve been on since they met. AIBU?

OP posts:
PussInBin20 · 01/09/2025 08:50

Septemberisthenewyear · 01/09/2025 08:11

But she has taken you on a free holiday!

Well yes but if she incurred costs that she wouldn’t have normally had to pay, it’s not really free.

I too am a bit confused as to why the OP and friend just didn’t get the planned flight. Her insurance are probably wondering the same so that’s why they didn’t pay out.

Septemberisthenewyear · 01/09/2025 09:01

PussInBin20 · 01/09/2025 08:50

Well yes but if she incurred costs that she wouldn’t have normally had to pay, it’s not really free.

I too am a bit confused as to why the OP and friend just didn’t get the planned flight. Her insurance are probably wondering the same so that’s why they didn’t pay out.

I’m confused by that too.

EmmaMaria · 01/09/2025 09:02

PussInBin20 · 01/09/2025 08:50

Well yes but if she incurred costs that she wouldn’t have normally had to pay, it’s not really free.

I too am a bit confused as to why the OP and friend just didn’t get the planned flight. Her insurance are probably wondering the same so that’s why they didn’t pay out.

But she wasn't promised a free holiday either. The friend paid for the flights and accommodation (and her parents appear to have paid for everything else). She chose not to make the paid for flight so it's on her to pay for that choice.

TBH I think the the OP is being disingenuous. She bleats on about what she would do if she had the money (which she conveniently doesn't have to do as she doesn't have the money) whilst having an open hand on an ongoing basis, yet bleats about having to pay for a choice that she made. She seems just a little too comfortable with her friend bailing her out.

Rattyandtoad · 01/09/2025 09:06

You are being unreasonable.
However, I do understand some of it. Rich people can be incredibly shortsighted about how the other half live. They can also be the most grabby tight fisted people ever. The rich got rich and stay rich by tramping on everyone else. It was ever thus. Most rich people I know are superficially nice and tell themselves they deserve it. They don't.

Velmy · 01/09/2025 09:13

Possibly one of the most entitled threads I've ever read on MN. Unreal.

Trishyb10 · 01/09/2025 18:07

Who do you think you are,,crap happens,pay your way

Spinmerightroundbaby · 01/09/2025 18:14

lnks · 31/08/2025 17:01

You sound incredibly entitled.

Your friend has been incredibly generous to you over the years, over and above what you would expect from a friend. You both decided to rebook flights - you probably should have discussed repayment later on, so there’s been a breakdown in comms. That said, whether she’s broke or a millionaire, you have no right to expect her to cover your flight costs. If you can’t afford this right now, agree a payment plan with her.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/09/2025 18:47

" I’m not 100% sure her husband isn’t getting his voice heard as she pays for all their trips and his trips with his friends and at their wedding his speech was bragging about all the holidays they’ve been on since they met. AIBU?"

You can't use the fact she pays for her husband as justification that she should also pay for you.
He's her husband

If you want to stay friends with her, I wouldn't say he was "bragging" about holidays in his wedding speech.... that sounds really resentful.

TheLemonLemur · 01/09/2025 18:54

This was all choice - if the bag drop was still open there was a good chance you would make the flight and if you didn't your bags would be unloaded. Your friend has the funds to make that choice you didn't but assumed she would cover you and it sounds like she is fed up of you saying you are struggling when she is probably noting how much you spent on unnecessary stuff

PotatoLove · 01/09/2025 19:03

Pay her back OP, it's not worth losing a 40+ year friendship over.

Wildefish · 01/09/2025 19:17

TesChique · 31/08/2025 17:01

Please learn to use paragraphs. Incredibly hard to follow this.

Please learn to be polite.

Arlanymor · 01/09/2025 19:20

Is she your friend or is she a bank you rely on from time to time?

Of course you pay her back - she’s gifted you £1,000 in the past and loaned you £3,000. You wouldn’t have had a holiday without her.

Come on, honestly…

Ladyofthepond · 01/09/2025 19:20

OP I won't lie, if I were in your shoes I'd be quietly hoping she wouldn't want the money back too. You can be happy for your friends success but equally you can be jealous of some aspects of their life. Jealously is a normal emotion. If it makes you a bad person, then it makes me one too.

But, she does want the money back and it's rightfully hers. If you can't pay the full amount in one go, you need to go to her with a payment plan.

Friendships in life change, grow and evolve, and differences in lifestyle are often a contribution factor to that. Maybe your friendship is moving in different directions.

I'm also sorry that you're having problems with your ex, and I imagine everything feels like crap right now - perhaps if she had said don't worry about the money, I imagine you feel like it would have just eased some pressure. Hopefully the pressure does start to ease for you in other areas, and this issue will soon be forgotten & overtaken by lots of positive experiences (posting on here may not be one of those...)

Tablesandchairs23 · 01/09/2025 19:34

Your friend doesn't owe you anything. You are entitled. Pay her what you owe.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 01/09/2025 20:15

I’ve always felt that if I had millions I would share my success with the people I love including friends but I’ve never held this against her

Ah the good old, hypothetical money. Always the easiest to give away.

You sound massively entitled

Blablibladirladada · 01/09/2025 20:19

I think you must be really in difficulty to find this hard and I am sorry.
I am afraid you do have to make plan to repay as it is her money.

Life is tough and you did offered a lovely time to your son and hers. Forget about how it is hard and go through it for the friendship. It does look like she cares and is a lovely friend indeed. You too.

Fiddy1964 · 02/09/2025 12:12

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 16:57

Hey, my best friend of 40years has loads of money, we went to the same school, she left started her own business with her ex, they made millions and she now is retired in 5 bed house with her new husband and daughter who is the same age as my daughter. She’s been retired for years and her new husband hadn’t much money so basically lives off her and doesn’t work either. They have about 5 holidays a year. On the other end of the scale is me, work two jobs, single Mom, small semi, struggling to pay for things as most people are. I’ve never asked for anything- she leant me £3,000 once to clear my cards and I paid her back every month so that was clear. Once she gave me £1,000 to help me which was a lovely surprise. She’s like a sister to me and our two kids play with each other often, her daughter goes to private school, I’ve always felt that if I had millions I would share my success with the people I love including friends but I’ve never held this against her.
So this year I’d been having problems with my ex so she offered to take me and my son away, we went self catering with a small travel company where transfers were paid for as extras. I was so happy as I couldn’t afford anything so we went, my parents gave me £400 euros to have a good time. Food was expensive, there was a small kitchen and not much choice in the supermarket, we ate out a couple of times once at McDonald’s, lunch time the restaurant at the apartments sold chips, so I’d get the kids some chips and I’d have a sandwich or crisps, I bought the kids drinks and us coffee and snacks, if I treated my son to a small toy I’d make sure her son also had one. I bought some coffee for the room and she came to me for one occasionally as well as drinks for the kids. I thought as she had bought the holiday it was going the least I could do and I’ve always been generous even if I can’t afford much.
on the way home the transfer to the airport an hour away didn’t show, we waited over an hour and the airport was an hour away so we were fretting we would miss the flight, I had called the company and they said it was on the way. We ended up getting a taxi which cost over £100 and my friend got. We had had an email saying at the airport make sure you’re there on time as there are major delays due to low staff issues. We both thought we are late and will miss the flight, we didn’t want our bags to go through incase when we got through security the flight had gone so we both decided to take a later flight which again my friend paid for. We got home and have gone through insurance, my insurance wouldn’t accept the claim but my friend is still trying through hers, she has had the taxi money back. She thinks she will probably get her flight money back but wants me to pay mine back. It’s £300 which is a lot for me to pay as I’m skint most of the time. To put things in perspective she was meant to be going on holiday last week but on the morning of the holiday decided not to go, it was for her and husband and child so they lost all the money without batting an eyelid. We spoke about me paying her back and I explained I’m always short of money, she said to be fair it’s because I spend my money on silly things on holiday but all I really bought was food for us all and little toy bits, hair brades ect. And I only paid for a lot as my parents helped me out.
I do love her as a friend and she is more like a sister but I know if the shoe was on the other foot I’d let her off the repayment. I’m not 100% sure her husband isn’t getting his voice heard as she pays for all their trips and his trips with his friends and at their wedding his speech was bragging about all the holidays they’ve been on since they met. AIBU?

Not sure I believe a word of this as at first you both had daughters, then it became sons.
If true, would be very surprised if insurance paid out for the new flights because you didn't actually miss them but decided to take a later flight.

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