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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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92 replies

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 16:57

Hey, my best friend of 40years has loads of money, we went to the same school, she left started her own business with her ex, they made millions and she now is retired in 5 bed house with her new husband and daughter who is the same age as my daughter. She’s been retired for years and her new husband hadn’t much money so basically lives off her and doesn’t work either. They have about 5 holidays a year. On the other end of the scale is me, work two jobs, single Mom, small semi, struggling to pay for things as most people are. I’ve never asked for anything- she leant me £3,000 once to clear my cards and I paid her back every month so that was clear. Once she gave me £1,000 to help me which was a lovely surprise. She’s like a sister to me and our two kids play with each other often, her daughter goes to private school, I’ve always felt that if I had millions I would share my success with the people I love including friends but I’ve never held this against her.
So this year I’d been having problems with my ex so she offered to take me and my son away, we went self catering with a small travel company where transfers were paid for as extras. I was so happy as I couldn’t afford anything so we went, my parents gave me £400 euros to have a good time. Food was expensive, there was a small kitchen and not much choice in the supermarket, we ate out a couple of times once at McDonald’s, lunch time the restaurant at the apartments sold chips, so I’d get the kids some chips and I’d have a sandwich or crisps, I bought the kids drinks and us coffee and snacks, if I treated my son to a small toy I’d make sure her son also had one. I bought some coffee for the room and she came to me for one occasionally as well as drinks for the kids. I thought as she had bought the holiday it was going the least I could do and I’ve always been generous even if I can’t afford much.
on the way home the transfer to the airport an hour away didn’t show, we waited over an hour and the airport was an hour away so we were fretting we would miss the flight, I had called the company and they said it was on the way. We ended up getting a taxi which cost over £100 and my friend got. We had had an email saying at the airport make sure you’re there on time as there are major delays due to low staff issues. We both thought we are late and will miss the flight, we didn’t want our bags to go through incase when we got through security the flight had gone so we both decided to take a later flight which again my friend paid for. We got home and have gone through insurance, my insurance wouldn’t accept the claim but my friend is still trying through hers, she has had the taxi money back. She thinks she will probably get her flight money back but wants me to pay mine back. It’s £300 which is a lot for me to pay as I’m skint most of the time. To put things in perspective she was meant to be going on holiday last week but on the morning of the holiday decided not to go, it was for her and husband and child so they lost all the money without batting an eyelid. We spoke about me paying her back and I explained I’m always short of money, she said to be fair it’s because I spend my money on silly things on holiday but all I really bought was food for us all and little toy bits, hair brades ect. And I only paid for a lot as my parents helped me out.
I do love her as a friend and she is more like a sister but I know if the shoe was on the other foot I’d let her off the repayment. I’m not 100% sure her husband isn’t getting his voice heard as she pays for all their trips and his trips with his friends and at their wedding his speech was bragging about all the holidays they’ve been on since they met. AIBU?

OP posts:
BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 19:04

Yeah you’re right, thanks for the input. I feel bad now! Guess it’s just hard struggling as a single mom where every penny is accounted for. Taking another payment out of my monthly wage is hard but guess I’ll have to some how.
I do appreciate everything she’s done for me and if my soulmate was a female she would be it. I’ve said for her to let me know about the cost so I’ll start the repayments when I know.

OP posts:
thisfilmisboring123 · 31/08/2025 19:05

Yes YABU and also a leech

Mauvehoodie · 31/08/2025 19:09

I think you need to give her the £300, maybe work out a payment plan. However I cannot imagine a situation where I’d have made millions and not help out my closest “like a sister” skint friend a bit more than she has, I just honestly can’t. I have a whole mental list of people I’d like to quietly slip some money to if I win the lottery!

on the flip side of course nobody is entitled to anyone else’s money and maybe she’s had a lot of people asking/expecting (including the Dh!) which has made her more wary. Maybe it’s all tied up and she doesn’t have quite as much spare as you think and just has enough for her ongoing retirement, DDs needs, school fees, holidays etc but not a whole lot for unexpected extras.

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 19:20

Thanks. Yes exactly, my living room is the size of her toilet. I’m extremely proud of her and what she’s achieved and would never take advantage of her one bit. I’m a very giving person and would give my right arm to anyone in need. And like you I’ve always said that if I ever won the lottery I’d splash out and treat my friends and pay my parents back for all their help. I really do appreciate anything I’ve been given. Guess it’s just her way, I did some gardening for her once and because I finished 5mins early she docked me £1 lol 😂 I’m happy enough and couldn’t ask for more as we’re all happy and healthy. And when it comes down to it money definitely isn’t everything

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 31/08/2025 20:31

I’ve always said that if I ever won the lottery I’d splash out and treat my friends and pay my parents back for all their help.

Your friend hasn’t had a lucky windfall she got it from working and setting something up. Splashing out on a treat from a lottery win is completely different to constant handouts from hard end cash.

Goonie1 · 31/08/2025 20:54

I’ve always felt that if I had millions I would share my success with the people I love including friends but I’ve never held this against her.

This sentence of your post sticks out to me. Why would you even be mentioning holding it against her? It’s her money.

Secondly, it implies that she hasn’t “shared her success” but you say it right after mentioning her loaning you thousands, gifting you a thousand and then later talk about her buying you and your DS a holiday and paying 100 for a taxi. Isn’t all that sharing her success?

Wow. I’m not sure what more you actually expect from her? A monthly income?!

Can I get this right…your friend paid for the holiday, your parents gave you spending money, your friend picked up the cab fare and now you want her to pick up the additional flight costs too? if the only part of the holiday you actually pay for is the 300 additional flight costs, it’s a bargain holiday for you. But you clearly begrudge paying that.

YABU - very unreasonable

Goonie1 · 31/08/2025 20:57

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 19:20

Thanks. Yes exactly, my living room is the size of her toilet. I’m extremely proud of her and what she’s achieved and would never take advantage of her one bit. I’m a very giving person and would give my right arm to anyone in need. And like you I’ve always said that if I ever won the lottery I’d splash out and treat my friends and pay my parents back for all their help. I really do appreciate anything I’ve been given. Guess it’s just her way, I did some gardening for her once and because I finished 5mins early she docked me £1 lol 😂 I’m happy enough and couldn’t ask for more as we’re all happy and healthy. And when it comes down to it money definitely isn’t everything

Sounds like you might be a bit jealous. And to say you’d never take advantage of her is a bit odd as your OP reads otherwise.

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 20:58

💯 not jealous lol x

OP posts:
Halfquarterbag · 31/08/2025 20:59

Can someone precis this unreadable thing please?

Hoppinggreen · 31/08/2025 21:03

Halfquarterbag · 31/08/2025 20:59

Can someone precis this unreadable thing please?

someone did up thread

BallerinaRadio · 31/08/2025 21:05

There's a hell of a lot of 'yes of course you're being absolutely unreasonable' posts lately 🤨

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 21:11

I don’t mind being told I’m being unreasonable that’s what I asked for.

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 31/08/2025 21:17

I dont know why you think youre entitled to her money.

All this talk if knowing you'd be generous if you were her is BS. You've no idea youd be generous, youre only saying you would to bloster your stance she could be more generous with you

She paid for a holiday for you and your child which wont have been cheap, shes only asking back the additional money she cant reclaim

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 21:19

Yeah I agree I’ve read the comments and I’ve already agreed to pay.

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 31/08/2025 21:20

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 19:20

Thanks. Yes exactly, my living room is the size of her toilet. I’m extremely proud of her and what she’s achieved and would never take advantage of her one bit. I’m a very giving person and would give my right arm to anyone in need. And like you I’ve always said that if I ever won the lottery I’d splash out and treat my friends and pay my parents back for all their help. I really do appreciate anything I’ve been given. Guess it’s just her way, I did some gardening for her once and because I finished 5mins early she docked me £1 lol 😂 I’m happy enough and couldn’t ask for more as we’re all happy and healthy. And when it comes down to it money definitely isn’t everything

You'd give your right arm to help anyone in need but youre asking if you should give your BF the money you owe her?

Zanatdy · 31/08/2025 21:20

You may choose to share your wealth if you won the lottery. But you have no ides what it’s like to have money and know your friends expect you to sub them. Yes she can afford to pay for your flight too, but she shouldn’t have to. If money is so tight, holidaying in the UK would be best, or no holiday at all. Don’t expect others to sub you.

arcticpandas · 31/08/2025 21:27

Could you ask her for a montly allowance @BunnyLily ?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/08/2025 21:30

It sounds like she has been more than generous towards you, OP.

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 21:31

Laura95167 · 31/08/2025 21:20

You'd give your right arm to help anyone in need but youre asking if you should give your BF the money you owe her?

Yes I would help anyone in need in a heartbeat

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/08/2025 21:32

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 21:31

Yes I would help anyone in need in a heartbeat

That's easy to say when you're skint.

TesChique · 31/08/2025 21:34

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 21:31

Yes I would help anyone in need in a heartbeat

Aye dead on you would.

Except yoir friend who needs paying back x

PsychoHotSauce · 31/08/2025 21:37

Laura95167 · 31/08/2025 21:20

You'd give your right arm to help anyone in need but youre asking if you should give your BF the money you owe her?

OP doesn't think BF "needs" it, so unilaterally decided not to. Can't bear people like this. Its not even jealousy, it's more like "oh you have more, don't you know its nice to share?"

Shes said she's taken PPs on board and will pay but I suspect she'll have excuses in no time.

LoveWine123 · 31/08/2025 21:38

BunnyLily · 31/08/2025 21:31

Yes I would help anyone in need in a heartbeat

In believe your friend is in need if you paying her back. No need to give your right arm, just the money.

Mrsttcno1 · 31/08/2025 21:41

Of course you need to pay her back. Her money is not your money and she has already been more than generous.

BananaPeels · 31/08/2025 21:41

I personally would have taken the holiday with her. It is really lovely of her to offer but people fall out about things like this. She’s there clearly when you need her and you can rely on her to help you if you desperately need financial aid but other than that I honestly wouldn’t take a penny off her. Pay her that money back and try and keep your finances apart In The future