DD upset at nursery pickup

Winchesterway · 2025-08-30T22:41:42+00:00

My DD 2.5 year old has been in nursery since 11 months old. My post is mainly asking for advice on how to manage when I collect her. She will be happy to see me, but she will want to play with toys, fight going into her car seat etc when I collect her. Last straw was this week. She refused to go in her car seat for 20 mins, so staff were waiting for us so they could lock the the car park. I was so embarrassed, bargaining/pleading/being stern did not work. I didn't shout but took all my self control. I cried driving her home, I was so ashamed. She's strong willed personality wise, and very little other than offering treats (sweets/new toys) helps when we need her to cooperate which isn't something i want to encourage. Am I unreasonable to be so overwhelmed that she messes/cries/ fights going into the car when I collect her? Please no flaming or trolling, I'm just asking for genuine advice on how to stop both of us being upset and angry (DH is involved but due to work hours can't do pick ups)

WhateverMate · 30/08/2025 23:46

All my 3 were like that at this age.

I never pleaded or bargained with them.

I'd just pick them up, shove them firmly in the seat and do the belt up.

I hated doing it but it was much better than a long drawn out battle that ended up worse for both of us.

2 or 3 minutes into the drive they'd forget all about it and cheer up anyway.

Treviarpelli · 30/08/2025 23:51

I agree with the above. They can be forced and certainly do not keep anybody waiting while you shilly shally. If needs be, drive a very short distance away from the carpark and the deal with your dc

Original poster

Winchesterway · 30/08/2025 23:53

WhateverMate · 30/08/2025 23:46

All my 3 were like that at this age.

I never pleaded or bargained with them.

I'd just pick them up, shove them firmly in the seat and do the belt up.

I hated doing it but it was much better than a long drawn out battle that ended up worse for both of us.

2 or 3 minutes into the drive they'd forget all about it and cheer up anyway.

She physically fights the car seat though, I had to force her in last week. 3 staff looking at me while forcing her in the seat while she cried and arched her back so couldn't clip her straps in the car seat. I cried driving her home.

OP posts:

tedibear · 30/08/2025 23:53

It’s hard u have my sympathy!

My youngest used to be like this at times. I used to fight her to get her in the car and belted up then she would scream all the way home. If sometimes I actually still cldnt get her in, I always just said oh well I’m going and walk away or in this case start to get in the car. She usually has a bad turn at that and says no mummy don’t leave me & let’s me get her in the car. Sometimes then starts being difficult again when getting belted up. She’s almost 6 now and wants to do her belt herself 🙈 so I’m hovering over her waiting on her doing it which takes an age and then I have to fix the straps etc. When does it get easier lol. TBH my eldest rarely done any of this maybe depends on the child!

WhateverMate · 30/08/2025 23:56

Winchesterway · 30/08/2025 23:53

She physically fights the car seat though, I had to force her in last week. 3 staff looking at me while forcing her in the seat while she cried and arched her back so couldn't clip her straps in the car seat. I cried driving her home.

Show quote history

Yeah so did my 3.

It's not unusual unfortunately.

And you managed to force her in so you can do it again. Don't worry about who's looking, your kid isn't the first to have a tantrum and certainly won't be the last.

Mine used to stiffen themselves like an ironing board and try to slide out while I battled with the straps! 🙄🤣

Original poster

Winchesterway · 30/08/2025 23:57

tedibear · 30/08/2025 23:53

It’s hard u have my sympathy!

My youngest used to be like this at times. I used to fight her to get her in the car and belted up then she would scream all the way home. If sometimes I actually still cldnt get her in, I always just said oh well I’m going and walk away or in this case start to get in the car. She usually has a bad turn at that and says no mummy don’t leave me & let’s me get her in the car. Sometimes then starts being difficult again when getting belted up. She’s almost 6 now and wants to do her belt herself 🙈 so I’m hovering over her waiting on her doing it which takes an age and then I have to fix the straps etc. When does it get easier lol. TBH my eldest rarely done any of this maybe depends on the child!

She calls my bluff if I try walked away. She would happily stay in the car park, so this is my struggle as 'I'm going now' wouldn't work unless I'm actually driving away from her

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tinybeautiful · 30/08/2025 23:59

Pre-fold her into the car seat. We went through a 'we do not negotiate with terrorists' stage too and it was painful but it did pass.

Original poster

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:00

WhateverMate · 30/08/2025 23:56

Yeah so did my 3.

It's not unusual unfortunately.

And you managed to force her in so you can do it again. Don't worry about who's looking, your kid isn't the first to have a tantrum and certainly won't be the last.

Mine used to stiffen themselves like an ironing board and try to slide out while I battled with the straps! 🙄🤣

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Thank you for this. I see every other child happily going home and my DD won't. I wonder what I'm doing wrong that she doesn't want to come home

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jannier · 31/08/2025 00:01

Winchesterway · 30/08/2025 23:53

She physically fights the car seat though, I had to force her in last week. 3 staff looking at me while forcing her in the seat while she cried and arched her back so couldn't clip her straps in the car seat. I cried driving her home.

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They were probably thinking we wish other parents would do that rather than plead, beg and bribe. Keep at it and it will get easier.

WhateverMate · 31/08/2025 00:02

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:00

Thank you for this. I see every other child happily going home and my DD won't. I wonder what I'm doing wrong that she doesn't want to come home

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Nothing.

And I'm pretty sure you know it's just the terrible twos but we all need reminding at times.

Even the most chilled out toddlers can throw a massive shit storm when they finish nursery, because they're normally exhausted.

It'll pass, I promise.

friskery · 31/08/2025 00:04

Winchesterway · 30/08/2025 23:53

She physically fights the car seat though, I had to force her in last week. 3 staff looking at me while forcing her in the seat while she cried and arched her back so couldn't clip her straps in the car seat. I cried driving her home.

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You need to just put her in, some things are non-negotiable!
You can't make the staff wait for 20 minutes to leave work.

Some kids just find the transitions hard, she's probably really tired and she's playing up because she can feel that you're not confident that you're in charge.

Wallyput · 31/08/2025 00:04

Could you put a program she likes on a tablet and attach it the headrest to the seat in front? Just for distraction to get her in the seat.

Or pack a bag of fidget toys/things related to her favourite characters/party bag type toys that she's only allowed to play with when she's sitting nicely in her car seat. You hand her the bag to distract and then strap her in.

Talk her through the rules beforehand. Make a big deal of Mummy's special fun bag that only big girls can play with. If big girls are sitting nicely in their car seat, then they get to see what's inside Mummy's special bag.

Talk about it to her Dad in front of her. Asking him if he wants to see what's inside your special bag? Get him to sound all enthusiastic and then say to him "Hang on! You're not sitting down nicely in your chair, only people sitting nicely get to look in my special bag!"

Get him to sit down, hand him the bag, get him to look inside with lots of exaggerated oooohs and ahhhhs to pique her interest. Then get him to stand up and so you take the bag off him and tell him that he can only have Mummy's special fun bag back when he's sitting down nicely.

Make it clear to her that it's ONLY for the car.

Sounds like she's worn out after a busy day at nursery and she is being difficult because she's tired.

WhateverMate · 31/08/2025 00:04

Wait till she's a teenager.

She won't want to walk anywhere and you'll become her personal Mum Uber 😒😁

I don't know what's worse!

Original poster

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:05

jannier · 31/08/2025 00:01

They were probably thinking we wish other parents would do that rather than plead, beg and bribe. Keep at it and it will get easier.

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Still took my 5 minutes though. I'm ashamed to say but I had to ask for help. Only when I asked if one could take her for 30 seconds so i could drive the car out of the car park did she go in the car seat. Thinking of it now I'm crying, I'm so ashamed

OP posts:

friskery · 31/08/2025 00:06

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:05

Still took my 5 minutes though. I'm ashamed to say but I had to ask for help. Only when I asked if one could take her for 30 seconds so i could drive the car out of the car park did she go in the car seat. Thinking of it now I'm crying, I'm so ashamed

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Maybe ask the staff if one of them will strap her in her seat?

Original poster

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:07

Wallyput · 31/08/2025 00:04

Could you put a program she likes on a tablet and attach it the headrest to the seat in front? Just for distraction to get her in the seat.

Or pack a bag of fidget toys/things related to her favourite characters/party bag type toys that she's only allowed to play with when she's sitting nicely in her car seat. You hand her the bag to distract and then strap her in.

Talk her through the rules beforehand. Make a big deal of Mummy's special fun bag that only big girls can play with. If big girls are sitting nicely in their car seat, then they get to see what's inside Mummy's special bag.

Talk about it to her Dad in front of her. Asking him if he wants to see what's inside your special bag? Get him to sound all enthusiastic and then say to him "Hang on! You're not sitting down nicely in your chair, only people sitting nicely get to look in my special bag!"

Get him to sit down, hand him the bag, get him to look inside with lots of exaggerated oooohs and ahhhhs to pique her interest. Then get him to stand up and so you take the bag off him and tell him that he can only have Mummy's special fun bag back when he's sitting down nicely.

Make it clear to her that it's ONLY for the car.

Sounds like she's worn out after a busy day at nursery and she is being difficult because she's tired.

This is really useful advice, thank you

OP posts:

WhateverMate · 31/08/2025 00:08

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:05

Still took my 5 minutes though. I'm ashamed to say but I had to ask for help. Only when I asked if one could take her for 30 seconds so i could drive the car out of the car park did she go in the car seat. Thinking of it now I'm crying, I'm so ashamed

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But that's great because 5 minutes is 15 minutes less, so that's a huge improvement.

Honestly, the staff will have seen all this before and who knows, their own kids might've been the same.

Absolutely nothing to feel 'shame' about. Your DD is just a toddler, pushing the boundaries and being stubborn.

Original poster

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:10

I expected to be flamed and be called a terrible mother, thank you to everyone so far for the support. I'm in tears with the appreciation

OP posts:

Original poster

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:13

WhateverMate · 31/08/2025 00:08

But that's great because 5 minutes is 15 minutes less, so that's a huge improvement.

Honestly, the staff will have seen all this before and who knows, their own kids might've been the same.

Absolutely nothing to feel 'shame' about. Your DD is just a toddler, pushing the boundaries and being stubborn.

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Thank you. Part of me knows they should understand, but the other part was just so embarrassed. Every other child goes home happily, I wonder what I'm doing wrong that she fights me

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WhateverMate · 31/08/2025 00:15

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:13

Thank you. Part of me knows they should understand, but the other part was just so embarrassed. Every other child goes home happily, I wonder what I'm doing wrong that she fights me

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You're not doing anything wrong and they're not doing anything right.

It's just the luck of the draw.

Who knows, their kids might scream the house down every time their parents try to bath them or brush their teeth.

Your toddler's tantrums are just more public that's all, but it doesn't mean the other kids don't have them too.

Maray1967 · 31/08/2025 00:17

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:00

Thank you for this. I see every other child happily going home and my DD won't. I wonder what I'm doing wrong that she doesn't want to come home

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You’re not doing anything wrong!! Yours is just more ‘spirited’ …

I had to do the forcing in approach with both of mine. I had to stick my knee in DS2’s middle to get him strapped into the buggy.

The trick is to parent the child you have, not compare them to others. DS2 was in reins until he was almost 4, long after the rest of his age group, because nursery was on a busy road and he was a runner. He’s now 17 and doesn’t run anywhere …

Try not to get yourself worked up about it. Just tell yourself that she’s going in that seat no matter how much she kicks off, and that’s that.

Original poster

Winchesterway · 31/08/2025 00:24

WhateverMate · 31/08/2025 00:15

You're not doing anything wrong and they're not doing anything right.

It's just the luck of the draw.

Who knows, their kids might scream the house down every time their parents try to bath them or brush their teeth.

Your toddler's tantrums are just more public that's all, but it doesn't mean the other kids don't have them too.

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Oh she gives out having a bath or having her teeth brushed. At least it's at home so I I don't feel so judged

OP posts:

WhateverMate · 31/08/2025 00:26

Maray1967 · 31/08/2025 00:17

You’re not doing anything wrong!! Yours is just more ‘spirited’ …

I had to do the forcing in approach with both of mine. I had to stick my knee in DS2’s middle to get him strapped into the buggy.

The trick is to parent the child you have, not compare them to others. DS2 was in reins until he was almost 4, long after the rest of his age group, because nursery was on a busy road and he was a runner. He’s now 17 and doesn’t run anywhere …

Try not to get yourself worked up about it. Just tell yourself that she’s going in that seat no matter how much she kicks off, and that’s that.

Show quote history

The trick is to parent the child you have, not compare them to others.

This advice is so simple, yet brilliant!

usernameinserthere · 31/08/2025 00:29

You are taking her behaviour personally. It is not learned but it is personal between you two. I agree with a previous poster.

She’s 3. She knows so little. She’s not powerful.

Change the dynamic. Park car five minutes away and walk. Take a buggy. Being her bike. A scooter. What does she enjoy? Try that.

She is a young child overwhelmed by a transition. You are making it personal to you and harder for her as you are fighting it.

When you remove the gaze of the nursery workers - then make it a fun experience.

Ask her to walk backward to the car.

Ask if she can put her car seat on her favorite bunny.

Ask her if she can make a cover for her car seat belt. Make it timed / a race to put it on.

You believe she only has two options - comply or refuse. Change the playing field and she has many many options.

Offloadontome · 31/08/2025 00:34

Bribe her with a treaty snack or a drink. Mine were like this too, it's exhausting. Honestly, I resorted to mainly bribery and it worked 😂