DD upset at nursery pickup

[Winchesterway]

My DD 2.5 year old has been in nursery since 11 months old.

My post is mainly asking for advice on how to manage when I collect her. She will be happy to see me, but she will want to play with toys, fight going into her car seat etc when I collect her.

Last straw was this week. She refused to go in her car seat for 20 mins, so staff were waiting for us so they could lock the the car park. I was so embarrassed, bargaining/pleading/being stern did not work. I didn't shout but took all my self control. I cried driving her home, I was so ashamed. She's strong willed personality wise, and very little other than offering treats (sweets/new toys) helps when we need her to cooperate which isn't something i want to encourage.
Am I unreasonable to be so overwhelmed that she messes/cries/ fights going into the car when I collect her?
Please no flaming or trolling, I'm just asking for genuine advice on how to stop both of us being upset and angry (DH is involved but due to work hours can't do pick ups)

I guarantee you, 90% of the people looking at you are thinking 'thank fuck it's not just my kids that do that.' You feel like such a shit parent until you realise that everyone else's toddlers do the same and they're feeling like shit about it too.

That's parenting though, why would you cry about it?

@Winchesterway I don’t think there’s a single parent on here who hasn’t faced a strong-willed child having a tantrum at some point 🫠 it’s brutal!
I get it though, much easier dealt with in your own house than in public when you feel like everyone is judging you.

Is it feasible to park outside of the car park somewhere for the next little while. She’s obviously struggling from the transition from nursery to car. Maybe a 5 minute walk/cycle/scoot to the car could help her move between the 2?

We did bribes. Nursery is fun, the car is not, it's as simple as that at that age. You need to make the car fun. A little chocolate and their favourite song on in the car.

It’s pretty standard. You’re in charge, no pleading, no bargaining. Make the straps a bit longer before you pick her up, it’ll be way easier to force her in. Then you force her in, end of.

Honestly, she's probably just tired and from experience, when you feel very anxious about them having feelings, it makes the feelings worse.

It's OK for her to be tired and upset and all over the place after nursery. You don't need to stop her from being upset and angry. Those are totally natural things to feel when you're two and you have no say about anything and adults keep making you sit in plastic chairs with straps on them, when all she wants to do is play. I'd be pretty angry and upset about it too!

I think parking nearby is a really good idea as it will ease the time pressure. It means you can then have a bit of time to reconnect on the walk to the car, before you have to make her do something she doesn't want to do because it's necessary for her safety. Hopefully that will then help alleviate some of the nursery end of day grumps and she might be more amenable to some kind of tactic like letting her choose the song you play in the car, a small snack, a soft toy to hold etc.

I always like what Janet Lansbury says/writes about getting caught up in children's emotions, for example this is helpful: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2021/11/finding-our-best-response-to-childrens-turbulent-emotions/

Mine used to go so stiff I used to "karate chop" them into their seats.
I was in charge.