Two year old flagged for SEN

[Mistymeg]

Is this normal for a nursery to flag behaviour at two. Had council specialist to observe DS, says he’s louder than peers, won’t sit still for circle time, clumsy/falls over, etc. It’s upsetting as now every social occasion on egg shells and DH/me constantly sizing him up against his peers. Speech absolutely fine. Behaviour is up/down, thought normal for a two year old boy (almost 3). I flagged hat and they said it’s noticeably different and wouldn’t be doing their job to not flag early. Been referred to OT, Paediatrician also. AIBU to be upset, especially as we might have a long wait for an assessment.

Yanbu go be upset as in worried, but Yabu if you’re criticizing nursery

IME they don't flag stuff unless they think it needs flagging. Take the referrals and accept any help. It can't hurt to have these things flagged early, although they may well tell you to go away and come back when he's older.

A doctor thought my DC had a rare genetic condition while seeing them for something else. After a long wait he was tested - and he didn't have it. But I still got it checked out, why wouldn't I?

So much better to look and him and say ‘all fine’ then to ignore and wait and then things get really serious.

trying to get support for any sen is very hard even if severe so any early intervention you can get is brilliant.

diesn’t mean he has a permanent condition - he might just need a little more support now..

BUT if there is something more serious / long standing going on - you need to know - to face it and get the support you both need.

it probably feels very scary now and that’s totally normal - but as a mum of 2 children with prety significant sen (both ended up needing socialist schools) you soon discover not much come without a lot of waiting snd fighting.

they may do a few assessments and see no need for anything else snd thst is great / but believe me / if there is anything - you sooner you know what it is the sooner you can start the fight yo get his needs met.

wishing you well .

I felt the same when the nursery flagged my daughter. Now I'm very grateful they did as the diagnosis process took 2.5 years and it's been much easier to get her help at school. Your feelings are valid but it's much better that they flag something that turns out to be nothing than miss something.

Respectfully, they deal with how many 3 year olds so will probably have a good idea. Our DD is almost 4 and on what sounds like a similar pathway although we do now have a diagnosis. We have asked their advice on occasions as she is our first, it’s a good thing to have them on board. Also don’t forget, it’s better to get it looked into and be nothing than run into trouble in 3/6/12 months time and have to start a potentially lengthy process from scratch.

Just remember - your DS hasn’t changed with this and there isn’t going to be any changes other than potentially positive ones to assist you and/or him.

I’m going to be honest and say I was highly offended when it was mentioned to me about then three year old DS. I was all “how dare they” “just because he is spirited” etc etc.
Actually they were right and he was autistic. They see lots of children and they see them together so they usually are right . It’s very scary when it’s first mentioned so I totally empathise

Both my autistic sons got flagged up at nursery

I was OUTRAGED when nursery dared suggest SEND. They were wrong. Had to be. My child was perfect.

7 years later, I’m so glad they helped us to get that crucial early diagnosis that has helped DS immensely.

When you are further down the line you’ll realise how lucky you are that your DS is already getting support - it can take years for parents to even be listened too when they have concerns.

Do your autistic/SEN children seem more challenging than others their age? I’m concerned about the ability to have friendships and also how challenging home life might become as we progress through the years. Don’t feel equipped to handle it, thought was an ok behaved two year old just says ‘no’ on repeat to anything I ask and is demanding.

Yeah, they picked up on my son about this age. It was better for him in the end though as we didn’t have to wait too long for a diagnosis. We had various people involved like Health Visitors and Speech and Language and he got his autism diagnosis when he was 4. I was upset at the start of it, but by the time we got the diagnosis I was relieved.

Prob worth me saying, he’s 6 now and absolutely thriving. He loves school and has made some friends.

I only wish nursery had picked up on my son so we could have got in the system earlier. He was my first born and I too thought his behaviour was’ normal’. He didn’t end up getting his diagnoses until he was 10 and even then I had to go private. Be thankful they’ve noticed something and it could be helped early. Early intervention is always best.

My DD is very easy to have around. Compliant with requests but struggled physically and with some developmental delay. She’s social and quite regulated. She’s been diagnosed with a rare genetic condition though, and we don’t know what that means long term but we do know she needs support and isn’t able to learn in the same way other children her age do. She is almost certainly going to go to mainstream school.

SEN is an umbrella term. People assume autistic/ADHD generally but there are so many other needs and conditions encompassed into it so it’s not to say your son is going to be a handful at home etc.

Be pleased they picked it up. My DS was put on the SEN register just before 2 by the health visitor and referred to the child development centre. Nursery were pretty shit and just kept brushing off my concerns.
The waiting lists are long but because of it being picked up by the health visitor early he has been assessed, diagnosed and supported before starting school. Many don't get that.

It's generally quite clear to me straight away when a very young child has additional needs so please listen to your Nursery. Why are you upset about the (likely) long wait for assessment? Do you mean that you might be stressed for a long time for potentially no reason? I know it's easy for me to say, but try not to worry too much. It's better that you work out ways to support him from now so that your son can also work out what he can do to help himself. Just be honest and tell the Nursery how you are feeling but that you are ready to be pinpointed to any suggestions that might help in the mean time :)

I’m upset for the following reasons:

1. Without a diagnosis, it’s hard to know how to support him in the interim. I want to research but will be waiting for years. Can we go privately?

2. DS is a handful. I had brushed it off as thinking it was a 2 year old boy. He’s loud, demanding, screams a lot, says no to any ask, doesn’t sit unless being read to or watching tv which we limit. I feel burnt out by him and said to DH in recent weeks I don’t like being around him. It sounds awful but true. I’ve not been diagnosed but I definitely have ADHD and am sensitive to stimulation. Now I’m worried it’s more than age related and won’t resolve with time, so selfishly I feel worried how long his behaviour will go on for.

3. I feel so guilty. Favouring time with DC2, missing them when I’m not with them, saying how easy they are, I feel we have a special bond but also put that down to age. ‘When DC2 is 2-3 they will be as challenging’. Now I feel awful as i don’t feel I’m supporting DC1 enough.

4. I feel at parties and play dates DC1 is often at the centre of pushing/shoving/fighting/noise but at that age there is a bicker a minute. Now I worry the parents are becoming less inclined to arrange play dates.

This 100%.

@Mistymeg It is scary to think your child might have SEN but it doesn't mean he isn't going to go to have friends, succeed in school and life etc. This is just an early opportunity to help him learn to understand himself, learn techniques to manage any challenges.

YABU OP. This is not a slight against you and/or your DS, early intervention is key and should only be seen as a positive thing. My nephew was flagged up in reception, he had a team of assessors, they said he does not meet any thresholds for a diagnosis but he will still be reviewed by SALT, OT etc.

DD1 started preschool at 2.6 and was flagged within 6 weeks (I think she was actually flagged on day 1, but there was a summer break in between). The area INCO observed her and authorised immediate 1:1 support at all times. She thought she was just 'delayed' so dragged her feet about referring on, but something else made us visit the GP and they sent us straight up to the hospital.

For DD1 it was actually a brain malformation, epilepsy (don't worry - she had obvious symptoms), and global developmental delay. 12 years later they added ASD (often if there's a learning disability you have to wait to see if ASD traits are actually just delayed communication, etc.), and now at 19 they're trying to assess for ADHD because the ASD and LD alone don't account for all of her difficulties.

It's a long game. If I hadn't pushed for a Statement of SEN (now EHCP) when she was 3, she wouldn't have got her special school place.

By contrast, I was ignored by preschool when I flagged DD2 (they thought her behaviour was 'learned' from DD1) and she wasn't diagnosed with ASD until 11, after 2 failed school settings.

There is more clarity here as to why I’m concerned. It’s not because nursery have flagged it per se.

Early intervention is a positive. It's better for practitioners to be involved now, as many people will tell you it takes a long time for a diagnosis to be given and if you ignore any issues now and then want support later on in primary school the waiting list will have become longer.

Regarding your concerns:

1. Talk to the nursery about what they are concerned about and what they would suggest to support your child. What are they doing in nursery? Could any of this be replicated at home for routine? Some nurseries now have a Sen leader so maybe see if your nursery does, else ask their key worker or manager.
2. It's normal to feel worried. Also it wouldn't be unusual for you to have ADHD if your child does. Are you worried about not having sought diagnosis yourself? You could speak to a GP about this. I think once you are aware that maybe his behaviour isn't just that of a lively toddler then you can put in place firm boundaries and routine. A lot of sen children thrive on this, and again the nursery could help with suggestions as well as you learning yourself what works.
3. I think all parents of multiple children feel guilty of ignoring one child at certain times or favouring one child over the other.
4. Again stick to firm boundaries, same as any other child. If your child is involved in pushing and shoving, then you need to intervene like any other parent. I think if you start using possible sen as an excuse, that's when parents start switching off and stopping playdates. If they see that you are reminding them of their behaviour then I don't think the playdates or invitations will stop.

If it is ADHD, the treatments are excellent (he won’t be eligible for meds yet, I believe). DS1 takes Medikinet XL and is in the top handful of students in his year at his comp. He changed overnight once he started taking them - from falling off his chair and ripping up his work to really excelling.

If you believe you have ADHD, the chances are your DS has it and early detection/support will result in a better outcome.

Yes it is, and it's far better to get help early than wait until school age when the process of getting support is much harder

It’s a good thing. My DSS nursery was the opposite and even though he wasn’t talking at all at 3 and was very clearly showing lots of other signs of autism they were ticking boxes and saying he was fine. This meant it was very hard for DP to convince his mother that they needed to look into SEND and support for him (I.e. a SLT). I much prefer nurseries being honest.

This is the party I’m confused about, his speech has been on track if not advanced. On the one hand he’s really loud and on the other he doesn’t like loud noise. He loves playing with friends. So a lot of the symptoms don’t add up. Therefore it might be mill autism or something else but the nursery have hinted it’s autism. They are very careful to not directly say though, obvious.