Two year old flagged for SEN

[Mistymeg]

Is this normal for a nursery to flag behaviour at two. Had council specialist to observe DS, says he’s louder than peers, won’t sit still for circle time, clumsy/falls over, etc. It’s upsetting as now every social occasion on egg shells and DH/me constantly sizing him up against his peers. Speech absolutely fine. Behaviour is up/down, thought normal for a two year old boy (almost 3). I flagged hat and they said it’s noticeably different and wouldn’t be doing their job to not flag early. Been referred to OT, Paediatrician also. AIBU to be upset, especially as we might have a long wait for an assessment.

Almost 3, the report noted he can have a two way conversation. Nursery aren’t worried about speech. He can recite stories of his day, or events which have just happened or that happened in the past. He speaks in sentences, although not always clear.

OP you’ve had some good advice here and I won’t repeat it but I just wanted to add a couple of things. I have an autistic child and have worked with autistic children and trained others to for the best part of this century.

Firstly, the fact that nursery have picked up on something is great. I know it’s hard to take but so many teachers/adults working with children are clueless about autism and learning difficulties and disabilities. Try to work with the nursery.

Speech can be excellent in autistic children but it can be situational and changes often. My son has an excellent vocabulary but he struggles with speech in terms of knowing when it’s appropriate to speak and following social norms like not responding to rhetorical questions. If my son is anxious he becomes much harder to understand.

Socially, my son doesn’t look like he struggles. He’s never struggled to make or keep friends. But we realised early on that he has a social battery and in larger groups he gets overwhelmed and goes into himself. We’ve spent a long time fostering one on one friendships which has then given him the confidence when he is in larger groups.

Lastly, look up the autism spectrum wheel. Research has shown that the reality for most autistic people is that they have a range of difficulties and support needs in different areas. They often change according to the situation or people around them.

Also remember it’s ok to meet your own needs to. Loop noise defenders might be a good shout. Wishing you all the very best OP. Your feelings are natural and valid. Be kind to yourself.

Be thankful as others have said!

My ds showed similar signs at 3yo. But it was brushed off with a mixture of "summer boy" and "glue ear"- which he did have badly.
He was finally diagnosed at 12/13yo, when I pushed. I so wish I'd pushed in the early years when I was having doubts, but wasn't confident enough. It would have been very helpful for lots of reasons.

Like you one of the things was he did have excellent speech. He was full sentences by 20 months, and would have long conversations - mostly about things he was interested in. I was reading back over his ASD report yesterday and remembering some things. "She did it by purpose" used to be something he said, normally about one of his sisters, if he was indignant.

But he is definitely autistic, and knowing that has been a comfort to him, rather than just wondering why he can't manage to keep up at times with his peers.

He's been through mainstream school, without an EHCP, but has had adjustments made - eg he used a laptop at secondary and in exams. He's just finished A-levels and is off to uni next term.
He's made good friends, tend to be on the quirky side, rather ironically better than his sisters at school really. They've been meeting up, mostly on-line but also in person over the summer. He's got a good group of friends from a hobby too.

So embrace the potential help you have on offer here and remember: he's still your gorgeous little boy.
What a diagnosis does (as I told ds when he said "now I'm allowed to be anti-social") is give a reason why some things are harder and you need to look how to do things differently.

This is great OP! The earlier it's picked up the better as everything moves sooo slowly. It sounds like neurodiversity is in your family and that can include ADHD, ASD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia - he might well have a combination.

DS has ASD and dyspraxia, always had good speech, met all milestones, a little clumsy but early crawler. The dyspraxia became more obvious as he got older when using a knife and fork/riding a bike/tying shoelaces/hand writing (although he can do all of them even if it looks a bit awkward). I would say that it might be worth getting his hearing checked - glue ear is common in those with ASD and may be making him louder.

With how to treat him when he doesn't have a diagnosis, don't worry about it, you can parent him as if he has ASD/ADHD/dyspraxia without knowing if he does or not and it won't have a negative affect if he doesn't. Basically, very calm, very clear, very patient and very consistent.

So lots of warning before any transition if he struggles with transitions, 10 minute, 5 minute and 2 minute for example, ND kids often need time mentally to feel like they've finished one thing before they are ready to move on to the next.

Make everything into a fun game - who can get their shoes on first, can you get your shoes on before I count to 10, can you do a magic trick and get your shoes on while I get my coat on - that sort of thing. Make it sound really fun, amazed face and lots of praise at how magic he is or whatever if he does it.

Routine - try to have a clear structure to what happens through the day, especially at weekends, make sure you build in time to burn off energy if he needs that and also time to decompress.

Avoid places for now if he can't cope with them because he becomes quickly overwhelmed - soft play, birthday parties, group meet ups, public swimming pool - or just stay for a short time and leave before he starts becoming dysregulated. You will find you need to be aware of what he is doing and watch him more carefully than other parents so he doesn't get to the point where he is overwhelmed and starts lashing out.

Low demand, him constantly saying 'no' could be PDA or it could just be the terrible twos! Try not to be constantly asking him to do things, stick to only asking if something really needs doing. Do lots of things 'together' to take the pressure off and make them fun if you can.

DS is now doing a degree and working as a software engineer, very happy! Good luck OP, you got this!

ASD isn’t on a sliding scale from mild to severe if that is what you mean. The spectrum isn’t a linear scale like that.

SALT isn’t just about the physical ability to speak or even just about 2 way conversations. Those suspected of having ASD would benefit from SALT (although many NHS offers are quite limited in the scope of support they offer).

It’s quite possible he’s high functioning autistic but they’re still right to flag it. It’s up to you whether to get a diagnosis, but at this point I’d ask his nursery what support and/or strategies they are recommending.

Honestly the earlier they pick it up the better. My son was flagged by myself and nursery at two which started whole ball rolling for diagnosis and observations. He is four now and has been officially diagnosed with global delay, autism and speech delay. He now has an EHCP and additional funding to help him at school.

I found that the first time professionals mentioned this utterly heartbreaking. It takes time to digest the information, understand what this means for your child, your family, the uncertainty. It’s awful. Then when you accept the fight you go through to get support from the council, endless wait lists. By the time you get to diagnosis it is actually a relief! No longer can people say it’s in your head.

its not easy but the sooner you know the sooner you can get support. Also if there is nothing to suggest there is an issue you will quickly find out. They won’t come and assess if they don’t think there is an issue.

finally without getting too political resources and funding are under attack by the current government. It might get increasingly more difficult to get support after October, so you need to factor that in when you make decisions.