To consider giving up my cushy job

[Wherewhenwhathow]

Difficult personal situation. I have 2 young kids - 1 at nursery, 1 at early primary school. A very useless DP that I am a bit stuck with for various reasons. And super alone as lost both parents, sadly. I was extremely close to them. I have a lot of friends but really struggle with having no adult to give me any care or support / help me or talk to me in the way you can with close family.

I did very, very well academically but for various reason, I have worked for years in an admin job. It has excellent benefits due to nature of sector and is well paid, lots of flexibility and no stress, plus some other excellent perks re holidays and other things. But I am not challenged at all and the job is low status. It is a bit of a trap but has suited difficult personal circumstances. I have seen a job that I might not even get but it is a civil service role and the way the application is structured means I can definitely use very good examples from a previous role and my studies to show I could do the job well. But... the pay is less, a bit of a longer commute and I'd need to work about 10 hours extra a week to make the same money as I earn part time now. Might seem insane (?) but this job would give me new skills, a new lease of life, stimulation (hopefully) and training is provided for what would be a proper career. There are 0 options for progression in current role. I think I don't have a lot of time to change career and earn anything like even what the lower salary of this job that interests me is offering because my more professional experience is getting older and older.

Feel guilty for my kids as it would mean more childcare and I have no backup if they were ill etc. DP is selfish and does v v little. One DD is very anxious so maybe needs me more than other kids

I have no one to talk this through with really so looking for opinions. Not been offered job or even finisher applying - just wondering if I am mad considering it.

I know DP is a bigger problem really but I am very alone support wise so LTB is not feasible right now (for lots of good reasons)

Career question wise, thoughts?

Especially if DP is useless, you need a job with career progression opportunities, and to fulfill your academic and intellectual potential. Think long term financial security and independence - short term hurdles will sort themselves out. Don't set yourself up for regret and resentment.

Absolutely go for it. But do be sure there are genuine options for progression first.

Not this job, but keep looking and find one that wouldn’t mean extra work for you and less money

Don't take a job with longer hours and less money. Wait till a better opportunity comes along.

The thing is, I am really overpaid for my job (due to type of sector) The job I have seen is decent enough pay but I won't find something on current salary elsewhere given years in admin. Think whatever I do, would be a big hit. Just worry I would be unfair to my kids when I am currently around a lot and also, maybe I would regret giving up a job a lot of mums would bite your hand off for due to pay and flexibility. I am bored and need something to do with my brain though. Need a refresh but don't want to do it at kids expense either. Very difficult. I also have significant annual leave that won't be matched elsewhere!

Giving up your job will make it much, much harder to leave him, and you know you need to do it.

Don’t forget the very generous pension scheme - might not be as much as a pay cut when consider the pension.

There is no harm in applying, if you get an interview you can find out more about the role, team culture, opportunities for progression etc and then decide if they offer.
Can you talk to your team about the potential to progress your career with them? Maybe a sideways move first into something else? I work at a similar place and they really value keeping current staff who are good at their job and understand the niche work we do.

I wouldn’t do it at this point. The cost of living is rising and the world in general is more unstable than it has been in over a decade. Keep your ear to the ground and wait for something closer to home and better paid.

It's so hard.

My view with a 13 year old and 10 year old is that I have been much more present for DD2 at primary school events. My job is flexible ,(my previous one wasn't) and I can get to most things (not all) but plays, stay and plays, sports day, music recitals and I've really cherished that.

Given your pay and flexibility and annual leave, looking done from the other end of the primary school telescope I'd be tempted to stay and make the most of this time.

You've also got school holidays and they do need you less as they get older. If you have less annual leave would you need more holiday clubs which can be expensive and sometimes only run from 10-3.

Seems unfair though, that you have to make this choice because your not so D P is an arse.

Could you use your brain in the evening in some kind of qualification course to help your prospects in a few years?

Could you use the extra hours this new job would take up to do a course or a Degree which you could use in the future to get a better job with similar money to what you are on now ?

I’d not change a well-paid cushy job to a lower paid one. Why don’t you do something in your spare time that would give you more of a challenge?

Could you take some of the time and flexibility afforded by your current job and use it to gain additional qualifications which enable you in time to move directly to a similarly or better paid job which is more stimulating for you? Or to do something not to do with work but that engages and fires up your brain - serious voluntary work, writing, learning a difficult new thing (e.g. language, musical instrument)? I think that is less risky at the ages your children are than the job move. I'm 51 and only recently took the step up that reflects my qualifications, experience and yes, capacity so don't panic.

I think in your shoes I would at least apply and see how interviews go. Realistically you might not even get the job so then you don’t feel like you wasted an opportunity.

Given that your DP is useless and you have no help have you looked critically if you can get enough childcare and sickness leave? Are you planning to leave in the future and therefore need a career that pays better?

If it has opportunity for career progression then absolutely go for it!

I'm very much a believer that life is for living. There's no point in just plodding along. That's boring.

Absolutely apply. If you get it then amazing, and if you don't, just keep looking, and in the mean time think of other challenges you can do outside of work.

I have ADHD, so need to keep my brain busy otherwise I feel miserable. I learn languages, go to sports activities (martial arts) and do other things I can progress in like learning a new instrument.

Good luck with your venture!

Are you sure you are not applying for a job below your we experience and skills? Sometimes it can be hard mapping roles especially private sector to public sector.

Post on careers board to get advice from civil servants who can help. Could be that you identify a similar role but higher grade so you wouldn't have to compromise as much over pay.

I wouldn’t do it for the challenge/not being bored. You can fulfil that in other ways and frankly most jobs still have a lot of boring bits no matter how exciting they may sound on paper.

I would do it for the potential for progression. If you’re going to end up single parenting, as sounds likely, a better paid future career path will be valuable . But as I said before, be sure that path definitely exists rather than just nice noises that never materialise or are only “dead mens shoes”.

First post nailed it.

the fact your DH is crap and you’re stuck is the exact reason why you need to focus on YOU and your career progression and your long term career goals.

No to this potential role however as you would like to do something more challenging maybe take some time to upskill with a course?

Thanks everyone so far. Those suggesting courses/ upskilling on side - what sort of things would you suggest for real career prospect improvement? It seems for most roles, experience is sought way more than courses for any kind of decent enough salary? I always struggle to think what course would realistically help

If you need mental stimulation... find a hobby. Do a course. Start a side hustle.

Don't give up a cushy well paid job ... you might find yourself stressed to hell and wishing you hadn't.

Hmmm I wouldn't with such young children and little help. What field are you in? Experience is valued but as you have that and you have a job, upskilling may be a better way to go. What about looking into some AI or cyber security type training, or a masters degree? There are a lot of distance learning options. Also, put as much as you can away for when/if you want to leave. Think about topping up your pension with AVC's if you can. If you are overpaid and underworked make it work for you, so you have money for when you want to move to a different role/leave DH etc. Are you really too old to do this in a couple of years when both DC's are in primary school? We are a looong time working!

Is the plan to leave DH when DC are older and you don't need childcare support, or leave him when you have more money behind you? If it is, I'd say go for the job if you're confident it can lead to progression and increase in salary in the future.
If you don't think you will leave him in the future I would be inclined to keep the current job and enjoy the time with your DC whilst they're young and look for something else in a few years.

I would go for it IF there was a clear promotion path and if be earning more within a couple of years

One note on progression. In order to progress in civil service only way is to apply and interview for roles , you don't just get promoted. That's why I would suggest thinking clearly about how your skills and experience match. If you can indeed map your experience to a higher grade, you will be in a stronger position to progress once you are in post as you will be further up the ladder and earning more.