To consider giving up my cushy job

[Wherewhenwhathow]

Difficult personal situation. I have 2 young kids - 1 at nursery, 1 at early primary school. A very useless DP that I am a bit stuck with for various reasons. And super alone as lost both parents, sadly. I was extremely close to them. I have a lot of friends but really struggle with having no adult to give me any care or support / help me or talk to me in the way you can with close family.

I did very, very well academically but for various reason, I have worked for years in an admin job. It has excellent benefits due to nature of sector and is well paid, lots of flexibility and no stress, plus some other excellent perks re holidays and other things. But I am not challenged at all and the job is low status. It is a bit of a trap but has suited difficult personal circumstances. I have seen a job that I might not even get but it is a civil service role and the way the application is structured means I can definitely use very good examples from a previous role and my studies to show I could do the job well. But... the pay is less, a bit of a longer commute and I'd need to work about 10 hours extra a week to make the same money as I earn part time now. Might seem insane (?) but this job would give me new skills, a new lease of life, stimulation (hopefully) and training is provided for what would be a proper career. There are 0 options for progression in current role. I think I don't have a lot of time to change career and earn anything like even what the lower salary of this job that interests me is offering because my more professional experience is getting older and older.

Feel guilty for my kids as it would mean more childcare and I have no backup if they were ill etc. DP is selfish and does v v little. One DD is very anxious so maybe needs me more than other kids

I have no one to talk this through with really so looking for opinions. Not been offered job or even finisher applying - just wondering if I am mad considering it.

I know DP is a bigger problem really but I am very alone support wise so LTB is not feasible right now (for lots of good reasons)

Career question wise, thoughts?

@TonightMatthewIamgoingtobecher the role I am interested in is at HEO level. Several posts available locally. Has some quite specific requirements which unusally meet my past experience! I haven't seen any SEO roles yet but think it would be stretch anyway given I've not been in the sector directly and need to warm up slightly (HEO role job does seem a good fit though) Does move from HEO to SEO after a few years seem plausible from your knowledge?

Nothing to lose going for it and if they offer it to you, you could try and negotiate the salary up. If they want you, they might move closer to your current salary.

Being very nosey, what is your current industry? It sounds bloody fab!

I wouldn’t do it.

I would use the extra time I have to find a hobby I like, make new friends, do something for myself.

I wouldn’t take the pay cut and commute longer and get paid less - that sounds like a waste.

You might be bored in your current role, but some days can be boring - your job is well paid, flexible and less commute. I don’t see why you would give that up because your DP isn’t great?

Depending on your experience and how quickly you pick.up role you could reasonably expect to start applying for roles within a year. Can't apply for govt jobs while on probation which lasts 6 months.

You are very unlikely to have room on starting salary as an external candidate though..Best of luck if you do go for it. Civil service has lots of development opportunities and easier to find jobs when already in post and internal and lots of roles only advertised internally or across government, so it's a foot in the door.

Your situations sounds a lot like mine with the cushy job and kids but I have LTB. Don’t give up your cushy job/perks now. I hear you about the mental simulation and needing a new challenge. the time will come with the right opportunity. If you’re already doing so much now due to your partner not being supportive, you don’t want to take on anything extra. Wait till the kids are abit grown then you can fly. There’s no age limit for success, don’t run yourself into the ground. That fire in your belly to do more will still be there. You are meant for more and you will do more. Timing is everything, good luck x

I suspect the Big 4s or something in Finance they then to pay a lot for their administrators/assistants

Keep your cushy job, sounds like you need a bit of simplicity. Plenty of time later for career

@Wherewhenwhathow as a current serving civil servant, I personally wouldn’t give up your current position. As a PP said, in terms of CS progression, you don’t get promoted in the traditional sense no matter how excellent your performance may be. You would have to apply in direct competition with external candidates for the next grade up. Also, sometimes the next grade up specific job you may have your eye on may never even get formally advertised if there are already staff in something called the redeployment hub.

Eg I was a HEO and had my eye on a SEO promotion into a specific part of the Civil Service that played best to my current skill set/interests. My manger and colleagues would constantly be urging me to go for promotion but the next grade up in my current dept would have been far too technical and challenging for me and I would just not have been able to do it.

However, in say dept X, I felt I could definitely do the SEO jobs that they had. But here’s the kicker, the CS has to run all jobs through a system which runs existing opportunities of all grades past people who for no fault of their own are currently without a posting. Often these would be because they’re are project staff and they’re awaiting their next project or other appropriate posting or because their team structure has changed and so they need to be matched up with something else based on transferable skills.

So the problem for me was that I was told that it was highly unlikely I’d ever get the chance to apply for my desired role as dept X SEO opps were one of the most popular ones to fill internally based on the fact there were always existing SEOs in the redeployment pool who would have the transferable skills required. Also there, is currently a political expectation that the CS will be tempering its recruitment of new staff as successive governments wish to reassure the voting public they are working to minimise CS costs and ideally shrink it rather than grow it - hence again the disinclination to advertise externally. Usually it’s the jobs that have quite expertise/technical skills usually in IT/software/specialised tax management etc that will get advertised externally since those are much harder to fulfill the requirements for internally. And even those again to minimise costs they will often be recruited on a temporary basis first.

So that’s just my insight and reasons why progression in the CS is not as straightforward as people think. Also, it’s no different to any other workplace - people are people everywhere. You get favouritism, people being given opportunities for development not shared with others on the team and in my experience gradeism is very much alive and kicking. I think people have too much of a rose tinted view of ‘CS has loads of opps for development’ and whilst perhaps in some depts you do, it certainly isn’t true for all and increasingly for the reasons I mentioned these aren’t as prevalent as before.

Personally, in your position with the higher wage for less hours and the amaking perks you describe (especially as at the CS you’d be expected to be in the office 3 days per week), I would request a 121 with your manager and request more challenging work/developmental opportunities first.

Hi op how old are you? If I was in your shoes and your dp is useless I would stay with being more available with kids for now. Depending on your age and how quickly you want to progress there are pros and cons to your job situation. I get the challenges you want but if your needed at home and your job wasn’t as flexible you might be over challenged could you do a course at college to help you now so when kids are a bit older you can apply for something more challenging. Kids need you more now especially if no support.

This wait until your DC are older to work longer hours etc

This wait until your DC are older to work longer hours etc

Your current job sounds like a dream to me.

I've been in your situation somewhat. Here's the truth of it. Career progression with kids requires an excellent support network. Your partner is a handbrake who will eventually turn into a road crash on your career journey. The reality of your current job situation is a dream come true in light of your circumstances. If I had your options way back when, I'd divorce the manchild while I had job security and take some time to get used to being a single mother. From experience, when you're a married single mother anyway the transition is quite easy and if anything easier because you're not constantly disappointed and disregarded. This job opening is reminding you of the life you're aligned to versus the life you're currently settling for. Clean house OP. They don't magically wake up one day and turn into the man you hoped for. When you do leave, you'll see the pattern you've been living clearly. I would not take the job now. The requisite foundation is not set.

Go for it. You might not get it but you will have stirred yourself to start looking properly. Your children will be fine. Partner may even enjoy stepping up!

Good luck.

Honestly - what in OP’s posts gives you any suggestion her partner might enjoy stepping up? Or do it at all?

OP, it’s a strong ‘no’ from me.

I speak as a single parent to 3 DC, whose spouse was useless (also abusive) and had stayed useless since we parted (when DC were all very small).

You will be parenting these DC alone - in or out of the marriage.

Your first step is to resolve the drain of your DP. It’s incredible how that unhappiness seeps into everything. You think addressing the issue with your job (all valid points, btw) will help. It won’t. You’ll lose your flexibility, your leave, money - and all the personal stress will remain.

I hear that you say you can’t leave DP now. I have to say, I always tell women that they can leave. It can be hard, messy, expensive, soul-destroying - but if there is no other option & it’s draining you, you will do it. I managed in awful circumstances. My life is hard now, really, there is no fairytale ending for me but I know 💯 it’s better than the life I’d have endured had I stayed

Because it would be shape up or ship up time. Win win either way.

No don’t leave it. I was in a ‘high status’ job and it was horrible

I walked away from a prestigious job which had a great package. I knew I would never find that package again. The trouble was I was bored out my head. I felt like my life was over in many respects. I handed my notice in without anything to go to. I spent some time not working (a mini-retirement) and that didn't suit. I'm now back working for less money and no stability but I feel alive again and find the new role super-interesting and love it. I'm learning new stuff and my colleagues are nice. I spent 6 years psyching myself up to leave my previous role. I've always said a job with a great financial package can trap a person. It's a personal thing. Life is short and sometimes, you have to take risks. However, do your sums. If you're going to broaden your experience with the new role, presumably more jobs will open up.

I was feeling the same but found ways to keep my brain active keeping the comfort of my job. If you are into STEM, I would recommend going through the certification (especially around AI), lots to learn and would be good on resume - or similar certifications in your domain. You can author books(loads of help on ChatGPT).

Really appreciate the comments so far - thank you. Sorry but don't want to reveal industry as potentially outing. I'm 40. Totally understand the LTB comments - it is complex as he is a massive risk taker and not vigilant at all . Worryingly blasé about even small details (e.g.leaving his medicine in reach of kids - constantly - one of a million small examples) plus had done some really big things which have been absolutely shockingly dangerous. For his own (twisted) reasons, if I did LTB, he would be demanding way more time with kids than he actually wants to spend with them now. V complex situation, not helped at all by my lack of family support. I suppose I'm just trying to get something to something to focus on, something with a future, broaden horizons and live a little. TakIng on board all the downsides and risk though. Possibly I'm just unrealistically thinking about a change as floating around unanchored a bit just now and this job seems like one of very few I''ve seen that lets me train in something new, opens doors and still pays relatively well (but not with all the great perks i currently have!)

Definitely apply. If you get offered you can make the decision then.

Why don't you keep your job that aligns so well with family needs and leave your husband? Surely that is quite a challenge that will keep you occupied for the next 18-24 months? Once you and the kids are settled you can look for more stimulating work. I'm really not try to be facetious but I do not understand any woman stifling herself in a marriage if she has the means and energy to get out.