Husband's aggressive behaviour when he's hung over

[pinknailvarnish1]

What would you make of this? Me and DH were out for dinner last night. Lots of wine was consumed and a nice night was had by all. I went to bed around 10pm, he flopped into bed at 530am, after falling asleep downstairs.

I was up at 630am this morning for work (I work from home). DH surfaced at 9.15am, and seemed quite jovial.

He then spotted my jacket hanging up, that he knows has a broken zip. It would be easy to mend with pliers, as the zip just needs putting back into the loop and closing the gap with pliers. He gets a hammer and says he will do it that way. I ask him not to, as I think that would smash it and maybe break it (this is a good Barbour jacket). He ignores me, and does it anyway. Quelle Surprise, he's smashed it so hard, the zipper is now welded to the zip - not fixable.

After wrangling with it for 10 minutes, he loses his shit, throws the tools he's using back into the draw, knocks a lamp in the process and breaks it, storms around saying that he's sick of being the fucking bad guy and tells me that I talk to him like shit. He then storms off to another part of the house, and I'm left sitting here upset. I hardly replied, when I could have gone crazy at him breaking my jacket, but I'm trying to avoid a row.

For context, yesterday I posted a parcel for him, went and bought his favourite wine, plus a terry's chocolate orange, then I took him out for dinner in a fancy restaurant. And now, this is the treatment I get this morning. He's now in a huff and apparently I am the bad guy, and I am the reason he's in a mood, because I asked him to fix my jacket - I didn't ask him at all.

I feel SO unappreciated.

If you don’t have dc, just leave. This won’t get better.

Had one of these. Noticed past tense?

They. Just. Don’t.Listen.

I agree with the first poster - I know it’s not nice to hear, but you should think about leaving him. You deserve so much better than to be treated as a punching bag for his problems! Take care.

You didn't ask him to fix it and he went out of his way to make it worse, not better. It's revealing that you knew he was going to wreck your jacket, you even asked him not to, but you let him do it anyway. I think your becoming afraid of his temper Op, you try to keep him sweet with presents but it's not helping. Are you sure it's just when he's hungover?

Why on earth did he think that hitting the zip with a hammer would fix it? Sounds like he's still under the influence? What a dick.

I absolutely hate drinking with my husband now because of this. He can’t handle being hungover and just makes the next day miserable. We only drink very rarely now but it’s always the same. I wouldn’t bother if it made me act like that!

He's just come back and shouted some more. Face screwed up with venom. Said again that I talk to him like shit, but can't tell me how. When I tried to speak, he shouted that I was talking over him, so I sat silently. Then he said "well?" so I tried to reply and he said I was talking over him again, even though he had invited me to speak. How on earth can I deal with this level of insanity?

He has bought me a new jacket on Vinted (new without tags), so apparently this is a WIN/WIN for me. How he thinks this situation is a WIN/WIN for me is beyond me. I was quite chipper until he got up and now I feel on the verge of tears.

Oh and when I coughed, apparently I was coughing over him talking.

I'm so sorry OP. I don't know your circumstances but leave him if you can. Angry men won't change. Good luck!

Any chance he stayed up and took something else or is this a result of alcohol? You can't stay together he's treating you with total contempt. Is it only after alcohol or is it just more likely?

Honestly, if I wasn't working, I would just take myself out for the day. Sadly I am stuck here.

Why are you staying with him? If this behaviour is normal it’s time to go.

Definitely just alcohol. And yes, it's the hangover. I feel like he hates the bones of me.

He has an alcohol problem.
And he us a cunt.

Just end it. He sounds awful.

I expect the hatred is internalised self-hatred at himself for being such a stupid useless nasty fuck who cannot regulate his temper or emotions.

You can't reason with an unreasonable person.

Suggest you try to ignore him and his horrible behaviour until he is feeling better and calmer.

Do you envision yourself spending the rest of your life with him in harmony and happiness? If not, probably time to have a rethink...

I'm guessing you bend over backwards to make him happy and please him, expecting him to be kind and considerate to you in return? But instead he wrecks your stuff, shouts and plays the victim. He should replace your jacket. If he only acts like this when hungover then you need to talk to him when he's not been drinking and set some boundaries.

Would you consider leaving him op? That is what I would do. I hate bullies and could never accept being bullied in my own home. Arguments- fine. Heated arguments, even where there is nastiness and name calling- I don’t like but can forgive. Ongoing tirades that last over hours and continue to be returned to , whipping you repeatedly over the course of a day, leaving in between blows to go a refuel, preparing for another onslaught upon you? No. That’s bully behaviour.

Equally your allowing him to break your jacket despite knowing it would happen, and then not chasing him when it did- speaks of fear. That you sat in silence and accepted his berating , afraid to speak for his accusations of talking over him (yes I am talking over you! You are spewing nonsense and bile at me and I do not have to sit and listen to your shit mate. Go to bed sleep it off and apologise when you are ready. Now fuck off because I don’t want to hear what you have to say!) again suggests that you are quite used to walking on eggshells and appeasing this beast.

This man is not worthy of your love and attention.

You can be as lovely and accommodating as you like but he will still be a twat. You deserve so much better and just because you get used to putting up with it does not make it ok or mean that you have to stick around and put up with it forever.

He's a bully. Also he's making it clear he doesn't like you, so on that basis I wouldn't be hanging around. Have some dignity and refuse to accept being treated like that. Every couple has arguments, but the way you describe him talking you like he hates you is totally unacceptable, and if that is how he feels about you, the relationship is not salvageable. It's clearly not a one-off, your title suggests he does this when he's had too much to drink.

Hi honey. Why are you stuck?

He’s not an angry man, he’s an abusive man! Don’t put up with this abuse.

look up verbal and emotional abuse

a book called The Dominator by Lundy Bancroft is incredible! I bet you spot your partner written into every page.

i highly advise you leave him sooner rather than later!

This behaviour will not improve. My ex was like this. Key word being 'ex'.

He's an abusive alcoholic. I was married to one of these.
Leave him.

He's a bully. Any chance he sat up drinking after you'd gone to bed and is still under the influence?

Either way he's a horrible man and that was vile behaviour.