To think women make a house a home?

[NothingButShiteOnTV]

Yes, I know I am generalising! I have no doubt people will be quick to tell me their dad/brother/second cousin Jim were more decoratively flamboyant than Laurence Llewellin Bowen (sp) but the men I know either live in lovely homes either decorated by a deceased spouse/ex partner or they live in something just about a step up from a cave - and they do not care!
When I look around my home the 'finishing touches' have all been chosen and placed by me, my husband just sees them as things we can live without and unnecessary despite them making this house our home.
AIBU?

YABVU

You'll be accused of being sexist and confining women to the menial life, but we all know this is true.

It’s true. DH definitely had nothing to do with throwing or draping sheepskins on furniture. If he did I’d be a bit worried . 😂

It's so so true. Think about how few single men buy curtains. Or cushions. Or throws. I am just so glad my days of dealing with boys who just stapled a sheet to the window are long over 😁

Got it. Women like frippery

Yabu

Cats make a house a home! 🥰

But yes, I'm forever grateful that DH has less interest in soft furnishings etc than me, so I get to do more or less what I want (he does assert control with my crazier ideas..)

When I look around my home the 'finishing touches' have all been chosen and placed by me, my husband just sees them as things we can live without and unnecessary despite them making this house our home.

You are absolutely generalising based on your own experience. Your experience isn’t universal though.

My husband absolutely cares about what we put in our house and how it looks. The decor reflects both our tastes not just mine.

I wouldn’t buy anything significant for the house without involving him.

My Dad and FIL are the same, neither of them would want to live in a “cave” and both are absolutely involved in decorating and styling their homes.

Oh don't worry, I have the obligatory cat!!! And 2 gorgeous dogs....and some fish🥰
I've just finished painting our bedroom, it's a gorgeous fawn shade, very relaxing and elegant (imho). Husband walked in and said it was 'okay' before heading back to the TV (we are on AL at the moment).

I didn’t either. Still don’t if I can help it. Don’t like throws, or cushions, they’re just clutter.

why is it women care about these things? It couldn’t be because it’s seen as “women’s work” and anyone who doesn’t have this crap in their house is womanning wrong…

someone walks into a house- if it’s not pristine and beautiful it’s automatically the woman’s fault.

women are socialised into wanting a “nice” home because it reflects positively on them. If a woman lives in a shithole then you think “why does she live like that”. A man lives in a shithole and people just write it off as men not caring about trivial decor. Men have better things to be doing.

i definitely feel like dh can live in a mess and people would accept it. If I did though, I wouldn’t be doing my “woman job” properly. It’s definitely societal pressure.

same as shaving. If I knew I could walk around with hairy armpits and not raise an eyebrow I absolutely would. However it’s not socially acceptable for women and I know what the reaction would be, so I don’t. Dh can flap his armpit hair waving in the breeze though and that’s fine.

I don't think it's "making it home" if I will be honest. DH is very minimalistic, many men I know are. He is happy with minimum, while I colect ll the dust catchers... He cares about big things, that's important.
Doesn't mean homes without stuff, simple and minimal style, around aren't homes.
At the same time women say things like "women make house a home" they also moan about amount of work and bandwidth keeping things pretty and clean takes (example being me with dusting...)... Ones preferwnce for good colour matching doesn't mean it's better than simple white.
If that makes sense.

YABU. I don’t give a single shit about furnishings and decor, despite my uterus.

Why would you be worried?

This might just be you socialising with fairly stereotypical people, op.

My dad has made a gorgeous home with lovely art on the walls.

My friend (also male) agonises over light fixtures and paint colours. He won't stay in a hotel or holiday home if the decor bugs him.

I have female friends who aren't too bothered about cosiness or interior design.

There are so many sexist stereotype threads today. It's like we're going back in time.

Not buying it

My gay male friends are better at it than me!

Why is "stuff" what makes a house a home? Yeah, most of the stuff on the walls in our house is at DPs request. The decorating is usually instigated by me, but she usually picks the colours, because we can never agree and I care less so let her make the choice.

But none of that makes a home, home is where you can relax. Where you're comfortable, where you can be yourself. The pictures on the wall have nothing to do with it.

YABU and odd to think how your house looks is what makes it a home!

Yeah true in my experience. My husband still used the bedsheets bought by his mum for university when I met him. He had no decorative items except a 2012 Olympics cushion (!) and would just live with bare walls if it was up to him.

Well I’ll do as you predict and pipe up with my DH does all the selecting of finishing touches (and main decor). He’s been known to have a mood board for cushion covers.

My ds bought all these when he bought his house.

He also chose really nice colours for the walls. And co-ordinated his furnishings.

Some women care about throw cushions and throws. I do not give a rat's behind. Neither does DH. Clean and tidy will do for me. I think many decorations are unnecessary tat destined for landfill. Homes with decorations thrown everywhere and especially with signs like 'You don't have to be mad to live here...' are a bit tacky IMO. But then people would probably call my house boring.

I like a good painting though and have some of them up.

My ex threw me out of our family home.

Just over a year later and both my kids have moved in with me almost permanently.
My son commented to me that even though my ex had the headstart by having the family 'home', my house feels more like home than his dad's does.
I dont think that's down to the decor, but more to do with the love, security and safety that I provide.

I was going to say “YABU” but I think from what I have seen this is likely true.

It’s absolutely not true for me. I have zero design / creativity skills.

And it has not been true for most men I have dated (obviously).

But I think this is generally true.

I think traditionally, as another poster has said, men weren’t socialised to think about their homes and were socialised to treat women as homemakers. As a result of that, many older men haven’t learned to develop a taste, and in turn, marketers have marketed towards women rather than men, which doesn’t necessarily encourage men to shop for the home.

I don’t know many men who care particularly about scatter cushions, or carefully draped atmospheric fairy lights, or ornamental items - though I don’t know many women who do, either tbh; but I know many who really care about e.g. the artwork on their walls, mood lighting, slick kitchen design, all their furniture being to a theme, good quality bed linen and textiles, or have fantastic collections of exotic pot plants and greenery and a routine for keeping it all in top shape. Some of them have eventually moved in with women who aren’t interested in any of that, and have allowed her to take over with her own taste to maintain couple harmony, and I suspect that’s more somewhat common than men asserting their own taste.

😂😂 When my son lived on his own the flat was soulless. A few beers in the fridge and half a loaf on the side. His gf now lives there too. She’s made it a home. Candles. Flowers. New sofa. Cushions. Oh and I almost forgot; a new baby. Lovely. X