Page 3 | Are grandparents AIBU about us getting a cat??

mondaytosunday · 28/08/2025 11:10

I dint see the reasoning behind this. I have pets (cats and dogs) and I go away. And when my kids were little they never once said ‘oh we can’t go and leave Trixie at home’! They wanted to know they were looked after but that was it.
I recommend Trustedhousesitters.com. An annual fee (~£150) and the actual sitting is free.

mondaytosunday · 28/08/2025 11:10

I dint see the reasoning behind this. I have pets (cats and dogs) and I go away. And when my kids were little they never once said ‘oh we can’t go and leave Trixie at home’! They wanted to know they were looked after but that was it.
I recommend Trustedhousesitters.com. An annual fee (~£150) and the actual sitting is free.

mondaytosunday · 28/08/2025 11:11

Sorry posted twice 🤦🏻

Original poster

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 11:16

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 28/08/2025 11:00

YANBU but I think you know it's not really about the cat.

Have you told them that you are not going to move back? If they have been hoping for years that you might one day return then you owe them the courtesy of telling them honestly. If you haven't told them, then announcing that you are getting a cat was a rather cowardly way to delivering the message. If you have been honest, then the cat is the final confirmation that you will probably never come back and this is what they are reacting to, I suspect.

They are entitled to feel hurt and sad. You are entitled to live your own life with your own family in the country of your choosing, with a cat if you wish. Both are valid.

Huh? That's absolutely not true, I have never been misleading anybody and if you read my earlier posts you'd have seen that they are well aware that we won't be moving back, and what does the cat have to do with that anyways? People move countries with their pets all the time, this really would be the least of my worries

OP posts:

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/08/2025 11:16

TBH I never heard anything so daft!

The Gdcs (10, 9, 5) have 4 much loved cats and they still like coming to stay with us. We just had them here for 4 nights.

Original poster

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 11:23

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 11:16

Huh? That's absolutely not true, I have never been misleading anybody and if you read my earlier posts you'd have seen that they are well aware that we won't be moving back, and what does the cat have to do with that anyways? People move countries with their pets all the time, this really would be the least of my worries

Show quote history

To just give a little bit of context- the plan was always to move back, then a few years ago my DH got offered a job that then all fell apart spectacularly shortly before we were due to move. As a result of that he almost lost his job in the UK so we are now extremely cautious about trying to move again and jobs like my DHs are few and far between where I am from (it is beautiful but very remote and would always mean a very long commute for him if he was to even get anything)

OP posts:

MolkosTeenageAngst · 28/08/2025 11:23

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 10:08

Thank you for this suggestion. Will they still want the adults company when you get two of them? Sorry to ask but I don't know how these things work- I've only ever had one cat growing up!

Show quote history

Whether a cat wants adult company tends to depend on the temperament/ personality of the cat and not how many cats you get. I have two cats and they both like human company, although one only likes a cuddle on her terms and the other is happy to be picked up and snuggled on my terms as well as his. They both like to be in the same room as me and both will come and sit on my lap or next to me in bed or on the sofa. My sibling has a single cat and he is far less friendly, rarely wants a cuddle or to be stroked and prefers to sit in a quiet room on his own to being with others!

Cynic17 · 28/08/2025 11:26

I am not a cat person at all, but I think the point is that this is nothing to do with the grandparents! You can get a giraffe if you want, and it's still none of their business.
Stop telling them about your plans in advance and, if you want a cat....get one!

ChopsyHatesFungus · 28/08/2025 11:28

Your parents sound far too involved in your life and maybe it’s time to back off a bit? Will they try and pressure your DS to visit them when he’s a young adult?

We only see our 3 DGS about once a year as we moved abroad so I don’t think you should live your life to accommodate your parents wishes. I’d rather my adult DC have complete freedom to choose what to do and not feel obliged to spend their precious limited holidays with us. Although DIL’s mum is a lot more controlling so they see her far more regularly. She’s always playing the poor health card and saying she might not be alive much longer to make them feel guilty, but I’d be surprised if she doesn’t last at least another 20 years as she’s actually a tough bird really. 😂

—————————-

Yes, two litter mate cats could be a good solution.

My friends teen son (18) comes and feeds our two cats when we’re away and I pay him well. He enjoys playing with the cats and he’s very sensible plus he’s keeping an eye on the house too, so win:win.

Millytante · 28/08/2025 11:44

titchy · 28/08/2025 09:52

If you are considering a cat, get two that are bonded if you’re away a lot. At least they’ll have company.

Yep, that’s what I think. In the most important ways, two are less bother than one (if bother is a concern) but above all, it’s very much more lovely for a cat. The young boy would have twice the fun and affection, too!
Still, the lad’s age might be an important point. Will he soon lose interest, when he discovers new delights in his life?
Will you, OP, and your partner leap in and take over the care of the cat/s? If rehoming were the fallback there, don’t get a cat in the first place. (All this is merely doomladen ‘What If’ stuff, of course)

First order of business once a cat comes to live in the family should be establishing strong bonds with adult or late teen cat-adoring types whom you’d entrust with the care of the cats when you go away. In preference to boarding catteries, I mean. If the cat/s can remain in the house it is a million times better.

Golly, there’s a lot of cat stuff on here at the moment! (😽🐾)

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 28/08/2025 11:45

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 11:16

Huh? That's absolutely not true, I have never been misleading anybody and if you read my earlier posts you'd have seen that they are well aware that we won't be moving back, and what does the cat have to do with that anyways? People move countries with their pets all the time, this really would be the least of my worries

Show quote history

There is nothing in your previous posts to confirm that you had been clear with them that you are never going back. You'll notice that I also carefully wrote all of that in the conditional mood because it's only one possible interpretation. There's absolutely no need to bite my head off.

Besides all this, you can feel that you have been perfectly clear with someone but sometimes what you say and what they hear can be two different things. It's quite possible that they have secretly held on to a hope that you might move back one day. Getting a cat is a sign that you are making your roots in the UK permanent and may have been the thing that has forced them to accept the reality of the situation.

Look, I don't know you and I don't know your parents, but you asked. In my experience, when people react disproportionately to something fairly trivial the usual explanation is that it's not really about the trivial thing at all.

Octavia64 · 28/08/2025 11:48

I have had cats most of my life and it’s never stopped me travelling.

these days I tend to get cat sitters rather than catteries but I have various relatives who like my cats and are always happy to cat sit,

I agree get more than one. I have three.

Mischance · 28/08/2025 11:51

Live your life - cat and all - and see your parents as and when you wish.

Timeforabitofpeace · 28/08/2025 12:00

I’m surprised they think it’s their business, and I’m surprised you care, given you don’t live with them. Unless I’ve misunderstood.

Clompette · 28/08/2025 12:16

They just sound rather self absorbed.

Don't choose your country based on DS's friendships. Your last point that you would just rather stay in the UK is far stronger.

Given you are going to continue doing regular and fairly frequent visits of more than a few days, I would say get cats (2 is a much better idea) only if you are happy to have pet sitters come into your home. If you don't want to risk that and would be using a cattery every time, it would be a lot of disruption for the cat.

Also this is opinion but I would have cats who go outdoors. I believe this makes their world a lot richer and less dependent on you, which is kinder if you will be habitually all away for a week at a time.

Pastaandoranges · 28/08/2025 12:27

We have cats, if you have someone to feed them while you are away and clear litter tray etc it is pretty easy to go away as cats are quote self sufficient.
The first 6 months you kind of need to have someone in the house with them though while they are kittens. But you can ask someone to house sit or go on a housesitters website and get someone to come, my cousin used to do this for her dog she travelled with work a few times a year.
Cats are 12 to 18 year commitment so just think long term, are you likely to up sticks and move to timbuktoo in the next few years. But then you can even take your cat to a new country with the right paperwork.

InveterateWineDrinker · 28/08/2025 12:30

Cynic17 · 28/08/2025 11:26

I am not a cat person at all, but I think the point is that this is nothing to do with the grandparents! You can get a giraffe if you want, and it's still none of their business.
Stop telling them about your plans in advance and, if you want a cat....get one!

Don't get a giraffe, they create havoc with your trees. They are also social creatures, so you'd need a whole herd of them, and neighbours might have something to say about your pets looking down on them, peering into bedrooms, etc. Thankfully their poo is in hard pellet form, so easy to sweep up off the lawn.

Seriously though, is it because they don't like cats themselves and perhaps would be less comfortable visiting you?

Original poster

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 12:37

InveterateWineDrinker · 28/08/2025 12:30

Don't get a giraffe, they create havoc with your trees. They are also social creatures, so you'd need a whole herd of them, and neighbours might have something to say about your pets looking down on them, peering into bedrooms, etc. Thankfully their poo is in hard pellet form, so easy to sweep up off the lawn.

Seriously though, is it because they don't like cats themselves and perhaps would be less comfortable visiting you?

Show quote history

They already only visit us once a year tops so that's not the issue for sure...

OP posts:

Rivalled · 28/08/2025 12:47

Two cats - my dc adore their cat and animals are always there for you, so low demand and high love back. Although, I wfh mostly with my pets and hmmm they probably do reduce productivity as well as increase happiness

Rivalled · 28/08/2025 12:49

He’s, it’s nice that you’re close to your family. That does often come with a price tag of selfish or ill conceived advice, in one ear…

AxolotlEars · 28/08/2025 12:52

We have 4 cats and it's never once stopped us going anywhere!

WonderingWanda · 28/08/2025 12:54

Pepperedpickles · 28/08/2025 09:48

I think you may be under estimating how much you grow to love a cat and you won’t want to leave them. Well that’s what’s happened in our case. We thought we’d be fine leaving the cat in the well recommended cattery we found, or with adult dd cat sitting but the reality is we feel really guilty doing either so we don’t go away as much! Cat is totally spoilt 🙈😂

This isn't how all cat owners feel. I love my cat but cats are pretty independent. Mine goes to the cattery or if it's just a weekend then we leave him at home, he has a cat flap, we have a neighbour check on him. He is fine.

Original poster

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 12:57

Rivalled · 28/08/2025 12:49

He’s, it’s nice that you’re close to your family. That does often come with a price tag of selfish or ill conceived advice, in one ear…

I'm not sure what you mean? (sorry, not to come across rude, I just don't quite understand)

OP posts:

autumncalling · 28/08/2025 12:58

I don't see the issue. Why can't they have an opinion? They aren't stopping you from getting a cat they just aren't keen. So what? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Surely you don't need your parents to love every choice you make in life.

I suspect this is all wrapped up in disappointment that you live so far away and getting a cat is just another sign that you will never move back. They are allowed to feel sad about that, most parents would. Just reassure them that you have already thought about who will look after the cat when you visit them so it's not a problem.

tryingtobesogood · 28/08/2025 13:07

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:33

To give some context, me and family (British DH and DS) live in England since about 12 years, I am from a European country. The plan was always to move back to my home country but for various reasons this is now unlikely to happen, so we make a huge effort to visit my family a lot (DH and DS fully on board and love that). We are very close to my parents. Now my DS wants a cat since years and my parents are not keen on us getting a cat and the reasoning is "once you have a cat, our grandson won't want to visit us as much any more"

To be honest I was pretty gobsmacked and found this quite rude, as we visit every 3 months at least and they just about come over once a year, if that. Also we have no shortage of people to look after the cat when we are away. AIBU that it's a bit selfish of my parents?

People talk rubbish don't they. I once said I was thinking about getting a dog. My sister said it would be the end of our relationship because the dog would not be welcome at her house, because of her cats. We didn't get a dog, not because of her but many other reasons. however she has since welcomed her friends and their dog into her home many many times.

People are full of shit