Are grandparents AIBU about us getting a cat??

[latesummerreminiscing]

To give some context, me and family (British DH and DS) live in England since about 12 years, I am from a European country. The plan was always to move back to my home country but for various reasons this is now unlikely to happen, so we make a huge effort to visit my family a lot (DH and DS fully on board and love that). We are very close to my parents. Now my DS wants a cat since years and my parents are not keen on us getting a cat and the reasoning is "once you have a cat, our grandson won't want to visit us as much any more"

To be honest I was pretty gobsmacked and found this quite rude, as we visit every 3 months at least and they just about come over once a year, if that. Also we have no shortage of people to look after the cat when we are away. AIBU that it's a bit selfish of my parents?

How about you visit one week a year and they do the same? Your parents sound controlling. They could also learn English, just like you did. It’s great that your son speaks two languages.

Thank you for this suggestion. Will they still want the adults company when you get two of them? Sorry to ask but I don't know how these things work- I've only ever had one cat growing up!

Get 2 cats - book someone to come to your house twice a day to feed them. It costs me £15 per day and I just mentally add it onto the holiday c ost like choosing airplane seats.

They are being ridiculous.

Yes, they do, as long as you handle them and play with them both from the get-go. Cats mirror the energy they receive from humans as kittens. If you put time and energy into them, they’ll want to hang out 😊

It's none of their business but could they be against it because they think you having a cat means you're much less likely to ever move back permanently? Or are they already aware that you won't be doing so?

If you are planning on leaving it alone a lot and for a week at a time, then definitely get a pair of cats-it's much fairer, if you are their only company and you all disappear, I think one cat would be really lonely.

Your parents are being unreasonable though and can't dictate what pets you get!

As your child gets old and school becomes the routine-you won't go as much anyway. They need to come to you if they want to see you. Are they retired?

But you can take animals abroad when you move - as long as they are appropriately vaccinated and passported.

They themselves said previously that it's absolutely okay for them to us being and staying abroad, though I know that of course they would ideally love us to be closer. It's very difficult for me as I am torn quite a bit (we are perfectly happy where we are in the UK, but there are also many plus points for my home country, and I would like to be there should my parents ever be ill/ need me- touch wood they will stay healthy for a long time to come of course!) So if it came down to it, we could arrange for the cat(s) to move with us, I think that's not the issue here... more that, my son loves where he lives and soon I think it will be very difficult to move him away from his friends. Also the country I am from is beatiful but famous for the people being quite closed-off so I prefer living in England for that reason, always found it easy to make friends over here

i get why they are saying this but your life choices are not up to them and I think they need to understand and accept this.

They are indeed retired, are thankfully very fit and healthy and could definitely visit more often

Cats are not as demanding as dogs. It would be easier to get someone to look after your cat than a dog.

I suppose only the OP can decide whether to listen to this stupidity. I wouldn't, but I'm not her.

It's ridiculous, your buying a cat not moving to a farm!
I have a cat, they come and go as they please! Very easy animals to own.

From experience, it's not always easy to find cat care for holidays (everyone wants it at the same time). I would suggest to research all the options now, and when you have found suitable and reliable care, tell your parents this to reassure them.

Oh my mother is like this as well.

She almost screams 'no' every time I even half suggest a cat. I'm sick of it to be honest.

My Dad asked the other day if I'll be bringing the cat with me to visit (I'm only 90mins away) and I said yes of course. Then we started joke planning a 'catio' for the yard for him to play in. My mother's face was a picture.😂

She actually loves cats and fawns over every one she sees. People are so strange.

Not your parents decision to make. Sounds like they are overly controlling of your life.
2 cats - definitely best socially for them. We have 2 just over 1 yr old now & have been away a few times. We have a couple of good friends who look after them so dont use cattery/pet sitters. We reciprocate for them by walking their dogs if they are away during day/overnight saving them dog walkers costs. Have occasionally paid our kids cat loving friends for times my friends can't help out, teenagers always happy for extra cash plus some snacks & peace to play on Xbox! Cats are happy with people they already know & being at home. So it certainly possible to organise without huge costs.

Children soon get bored of pets, so get 2 cats, someone will come in and look after them. Son will still want to visit the grandparents.

Couple of thoughts OP. I don't know the logistics of flying with cats but if you drive to your homeland you could take the cat(s) with you.

Whether you do leave them for long holidays or not please do get 2 cats. They will have each other when the humans aren't around but as long as you invest time when they are young they will always demand attention from their humans when the humans are around.

I bet most of us are trying to guess where your Destination X is 😏

Haha, take a guess 😂It's probably outing me if I say where I am from as my country is small. And my friends know I am looking to get a cat!

I think realistically we won't be driving to my home country unfortunately...logistics with flying are very complicated/ expensive

Put it down as the sort of thing parents and grandparents who are separated by borders from their family say. It's mild. It's near inconsequential.

Together with my brother (generally, there were Solomonic exceptions) I spent chunks of many summers with older relatives. On arriving 'haven't seen you for a year, you seldom see us' in a why don't you visit tone. On departing 'when are you coming again?' in a you have been here only three days not the three weeks you think it was tone.

That's totally bonkers (cat boarding and cat sitters are a thing) and not really any of their business.

Yes, I thought the flying might prove a problem but even more reason to get 2 cats.

Our 2 are cousins (Burmese) and are very close but demand attention and cuddles from we humans too.

YANBU but I think you know it's not really about the cat.

Have you told them that you are not going to move back? If they have been hoping for years that you might one day return then you owe them the courtesy of telling them honestly. If you haven't told them, then announcing that you are getting a cat was a rather cowardly way to delivering the message. If you have been honest, then the cat is the final confirmation that you will probably never come back and this is what they are reacting to, I suspect.

They are entitled to feel hurt and sad. You are entitled to live your own life with your own family in the country of your choosing, with a cat if you wish. Both are valid.

Hav you thought about getting a house sitter?

I’ve just come back from being away all of summer and I had two different house sitters for the whole period. It’s brilliant as in exchange for having free accommodation, they not only look after your pets but also your garden, pick up your mail and if they are handy, a bit of diy around the house.
I have two cats and a papillon so putting them in catteries is not for me. Also the country I live in, cat and dogs hotels are fully booked a year before.
can’t be faffing about with calling around.

What’s interesting is that the last house sitter-I dropped her off this morning at the train station- is a 65 year old early retiree who’s being all over Europe the last 2.5 year house sitting at in uk but also all over Europe. She will finish in France in March 2026 and by then she would have not have been back home in Australia for three years!

I don’t know why I wrote all of this but I’m super impressed by her.

My point being, if you want a cat , get one.

Picture caption: my bluejay and schylar on a walk with me early this morning.