Feeling a bit disappointed because of colleague?

[peralpulls]

We’re a team of 4 - 3 of us work in one office and the other works in a different office three hours away so us being face to face is quite rare.

I had to travel to her office for a meeting and I told her in advance and booked my seat next to her. She then didn’t show up and had decided to work from home.

I didn’t say anything but she messaged later to say she was too tired. I just feel a bit disappointed, which is probably silly. Aibu?

This, I would be expected to meet my colleague to build the dynamics of the team. Being too tired would be seen as not being willing to do an important part of the job.

This, you don’t know what she’s got going on. If you suffer from poor sleep or anxiety, or perimenopause stuff knowing you are expected in the office can be a perfect storm to stop sleep from happening.

But it would have been polite to message early on to say she wasn’t coming in, not later on.

But you had to be in the office anyway? And you weren't free all morning, weren't you supposed to be working?

But she knew Op had to come in for a meeting with a supplier anyway, it wasn't like OP was coming specifically to sit with this colleague.

They have to be in the office 3 days a week, it's possible the colleague did her 3 days already.

Lots of people making assumptions that this woman is slacking or taking care of kids without any basis.

I get what you’re saying @peralpulls - did you follow up closer to the time to remind her you’d be in? Not to formalise it as such but just a ‘don’t forget I’m coming to see Supplier X next Tuesday, be great to see you’ over Teams chat and that would remind her if she forgot, or she could say ‘sorry, won’t be in the office that day’ to set expectations. It’s easy to forget, especially if you aren’t having a meeting. Another way is to put an ‘all day, free’ thing that says ‘peralpulls in office X all day’ in your calendar …

Well mathematically she couldn’t have done her 3 days but it really doesn’t matter anymore.

Well when I say free, I mean I have no meetings. Not in the literal sense of my own personal time. But I didn’t think that needed an explanation.

But you were still working, in the office you needed to be in for a reason unrelated to your colleague.

So you were not inconvenienced in any way.

It sounds like you police how much your colleague is in, and maybe she senses that.

This used to happen where in a place I worked except our team were all in one office.

You'd agree to book seats for x day and then the day would roll round and they had then decided to work from home and said nothing. Or two of us would show up but none of the rest. The point was the whole team was meant to be in together.

Other teams would be in and often you'd be sat like a lemming by yourself when you could have wfh too. Our manager was one of the worst for doing it... I say "manager". We were meant to be in 3 days too - that rarely happened in our team either.

This thread probably wouldn't exist if colleague had messaged last thing/first thing to say something like, "really sorry, won't be in the office tomorrow after all - hope you have a good day." By not saying anything at all, it implies she can't be arsed, and she doesn't care about the OP either. It could well be she had other stuff going on, but not saying anything at all is the issue. She could have said she wouldn't be there without going into details about why.

😂😂

Its true. I keep a little journal and tick off the days that she’s in the office. I then compile an excel spreadsheet each month.

Or maybe .. just maybe it’s not possible for someone to have done 3 days in an office when there hasn’t been 3 days of that working week yet.

Agreed.

Has the obvious missed you? That she still had more days in the week to complete her 3 days?

But she knew OP was coming in to the office to meet a supplier anyway. OP didn't go into the office to meet her colleague.

Why does the colleague need to apologise for managing her own working week as she sees fit?

No. Has the obvious missed you? I responded to someone who said she could have already done her 3 days.

The point is that posters were assuming your colleague wasn’t doing her 3 days in the week, and you didn’t bother clarifying that she still had more days in the week to complete her 3 days.

The more you post, the more I understand why your colleague didn’t come in to see you.

Such a classic and predictable MN response. Imagine thinking you can sum up the complexity of a persons nature by an anonymous internet post whilst simultaneously being that bitter you have to try and put them down.

Your basic response says more about you, believe me.

lots of replies on here which I think seem a bit odd, making up a narrative about you based on nothing! Makes me wonder if they work in a professional office environment

I consider it unprofessional and discourteous that they didn’t let you know.
it’s nothing against them organising their week how they see fit, it’s about keeping you in the loop after you’d already discussed with them that you’ll be there. And doesn’t reflect well on them if the manager asked after them and you didn’t know why they weren’t there.

In your position I would have sent a message just saying something along the lines of I’m in the office thought you said you were in today, hope everything’s ok
Did you reply?

Where I work we have some staff who work remotely. If one of them said they were popping in and checked I would be there, I wouldn’t dream of not bothering to drop them a message on the day if my plans changed - it’s rude!

Because she told the OP she would see her that day.
And because she complains about working in a separate office to the rest of the team.