Feeling a bit disappointed because of colleague?

[peralpulls]

We’re a team of 4 - 3 of us work in one office and the other works in a different office three hours away so us being face to face is quite rare.

I had to travel to her office for a meeting and I told her in advance and booked my seat next to her. She then didn’t show up and had decided to work from home.

I didn’t say anything but she messaged later to say she was too tired. I just feel a bit disappointed, which is probably silly. Aibu?

I worked from home today as I was really shattered. It’s one of the perks, my boss stole my booked seat anyway as he hadn’t booked a desk.

I can understand feeling disappointed, I think that’s natural if you were looking forward to seeing her… but if she said she wasn’t feeling great then I think that’s fair enough. It sucks, but it happens, I wouldn’t hold it against her or take it personally.

I'd have been miffed, too. In my previous office, if someone had said they'd been coming over and didn't often visit, there would be an effort to make sure people were about, maybe have ab in-person team meeting, or a pub lunch, depending on timings etc - it would not reflect well on her to make no effort when there was such an opportunity.

Having said thst, in my new role, people have come to the office with no mention of it, even though one colleague clearly knew, but he is really crap at team work.. I find it odd, though. I've said I'd be willing to travel to other sites if necessary, if i meant meeting people we don't normally see.

But why does it matter to you that she worked from home? I don’t understand why you’re bothered?

Why would you presume I go there frequently? This was the second time I’ve been there this year.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought to be honest, unless we had definite plans.

Because when you're in the same team, it's nice to meet remoter colleagues face-to-face when there's a rare opportunity ti do do. It can improve working relationships, which is helpful, especially if the remote colleague is already feeling left out of things because of never seeing the others. And then they can't be arsed when there is an opportunity.

Ok sorry. I assumed it because you work together in the same team. But either way I don't think she did it to hurt your feelings.

Of course the colleague was rude as she had arranged to be there when the OP was. Rude and unprofessional.

She was rude as she already said she was looking forward to seeing you, but then just didn’t turn up. I wonder if she felt nervous that you may judge her.

@peralpullswas she at home minding kids? It is summer holidays. Maybe she isn’t coming in at all and she couldn’t manage cover for your day? Does anyone monitor if she comes in 3 days per week?

at my work people with primary school age kids in camps but not full day care typically don’t come in (we dont have mandated days). This isn’t a secret, they start late or finish early in August.

Perhaps she’s not that keen on you and made an excuse?

Your colleague is feeling left out as the rest of you work in a different space. However when the opportunity arose to spend time with a colleague to feel more included she worked from home as 'tired' .......🤔

YANBU at all! She has wasted your time making you do a six hour round trip. She sounds an awful manager and I would be livid.

Then why did she say “great, see you then”? And why does she complain about working in an office on her own without the rest of the team and then kick away an opportunity to be with one of the team.

I’m a bit unclear why you think what she did was wrong. So long as her attendance (or lack
of it) was in line with company policy, what’s the issue? It sounds like you had to go that office anyway for the meeting, so it’s not like you were only there to see your colleague face-to-face. I think you’re being unreasonable.

Agree with this. Presumably, you had to make the trip regardless. She did nothing wrong. If you'd agreed on coffee or lunch, she ought to have told you she was working from home. But that's it.

I'd be disappointed in the same situation. And it happens reasonably often as we are hybrid with several offices.

Yes, it's a little disappointing but colleagues can often be like this. Don't invest too much thought in it. Ultimately you're thrown together with random people at work; you get on with them as best you can, if you happen to become friends it's a bonus, but no big deal if you don't.

She's not a manager and the OP hadn't travelled to see her, she was going to the location anyway, so no time was wasted.

Sounds to me like a colleague wanting to connect/liaise with a team member they don't see as much as the rest of the team. Three of the four see each other in person all the time, the fourth, rarely. If its a hot desk situation where seats are booked, then it would be obvious to book a seat next to the colleague you wanted to connect/liaise with. In person is different from remote and many work places see it as important at least on occasion. Doesn't need to be about friendship.

Completely understand OP. I used to work from home and travel to different offices and if a colleague had said they were looking forward to seeing me in their office and then just not shown up and not told me it would be extremely odd.

I do see what the issue is?

I'd say her action was unreasonable, especially considering you're her team member.

But there seems to be a certain group of people who prefer to remain insular, almost resentful of collaboration, and who appear genuinely uncomfortable with friendliness in the workplace. To them, any interaction beyond strictly formal or transactional exchanges feels "demanding." It’s as though they want relationships with colleagues to mirror the detached interactions they have with strangers on the street.

I'd say working from home is the perfect excuse as it allowed her to avoid the horror of your presence!! You know now what to expect if you ever have to go there again. Still pathetic- I mean even if she didn't want to have to interact with you - I just suck it up buttercup it's one morning!!

This would reflect badly on her in my organisation. I wonder if she was nervous maybe… but yes, v poor show.